Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.


(12 Posts)
YellowJellyBeanz Mon 25-Jul-16 21:22:04

Anyone here in a narcissistic- codependent relationship ?

UpsidedownDog Tue 26-Jul-16 07:31:48

Are you looking to break free?

YellowJellyBeanz Tue 26-Jul-16 08:30:22

I've broken free and recovering but wanted to speak to others of the same situ

Confusednc Wed 27-Jul-16 09:22:07

Hey yellow. Another here. 2 years out of relationship. I got counselling. It helped hugely. Is there something specific you want to talk about or ask?

YellowJellyBeanz Wed 27-Jul-16 22:42:43

Nothing specific.... I have children with a narc and despite having him criminal convictions for fraud and battery of a senior gent, findings of an assault against me Infront of my children, he managed to convince the courts I was unfit and I lost my children. I work full time, educated to doctoral level, own my home and have a secure bond with my children who were thriving in my care but somehow he managed to manipulate everyone ..... I now have my children just under half of the time , my oldest lives with me full time as she run away and my middle is on the cusp of doing the same. The reason I am saying all this as I can't see an end to his games and nonsense. He is out to destroy me. I've had cbt this last year to deal with anxiety as I am constantly put in a state of worry because of him. Effectively the courts gave him a green card to treat me as a puppet until my kids are over 18. Wondered if anyone else has been through this constant stress confused

ConfusedNC Wed 27-Jul-16 23:02:21

Yellow I'm so sorry for what you've been through and still are.

Psychotherapy helped me a lot. I saw my counsellor for about a year as well as talking to friends. I've got coping mechanisms now. Namely you have to get to a point where you disengage from the games and drama so they get bored.

I read a lot about narcissistic personality disorder. It helps make sense of things for me.

You're not alone. A neighbour told me she lost her kids to her manipulative ex. You sound like yours are doing better if they're starting to see through him.

Wrt to court, I think it can be a bloody lottery. My ex did something so ridiculous that he's no chance of having our child more than he does, but I still worry about the rubbish he'll tell ds.

I try so so hard to be honest and not to let anything shake the bond I have with ds. It's like armour against his father's lies I guess.

Did you ever talk to women's aid?

YellowJellyBeanz Wed 27-Jul-16 23:35:02

Yes I spoke to lots of people, the children and I also had lots of support for a local domestic violence charity, thy fitted alarms and things and changed locks. I lost my kids mainly trough a procedural error as he had manipulated everyone so much they were breaking little rules for him which resulted in a big mess for them. The courts then covered everything up .... It's sounds too farfetched to be true but u can't believe how far he has come. I have disengaged in the games as it was exhausted but it can be so difficult when he just doesn't turn up with the kids , or won't send down their homework and then go into the school and say I am not doing homework etc etc.... It's crazy. I've healed lots and lots and I'm just trying to empower my children. Their father is a big drinker, and when drunk his mask falls off so they often see his true self...... I chat often to Sam vaknin... He has been a great source of knowledge

ConfusedNC Wed 27-Jul-16 23:44:39

I'm off to bed now but I would completely believe the mess courts could get in. Sounds horrendous. So sorry. I'll check back tomorrow if you want chat and maybe some more survivors of these narcs will come chat. There are sadly lots of us usually on relationships board.

MyPeriodFeatures Fri 29-Jul-16 18:14:11

YellowJellyBeanz Im so sorry to hear your story. I have also had a child with a Narcissistic Abuser. (I still struggle with this terminology) I went into a new relationship with another man 9 Months after I left. He was extremely abusive and I contacted children services for support. The two men got together and started a smear campaign which led to me being investigated. I wasn't allowed to be alone with my son for 4 months and a lot of other things happened in that time that pushed me to the limit of my ability to cope. Lots of lies and manipulation from him.

A Social Worker, who was amazing, saw through it and told me to stop contact with my sons father. I did this and had 7 months of peace until he took me to court. He has been granted access. I am anticipating that he will try to get custody of our son.

Before all this happened I was studying for a Masters Degree, I had been working with charities, developing education programmes and had a good life. I still have many good things happening but I feel like I will be spending the rest of my sons childhood trying to fend off damage and bullying.

The difficulty is is that people struggle to believe my experience. Because I am a strong outspoken woman, it doesn't level that I could've had this experience. I worry for my little boy, what kind of things are going to be put into his head. Im determined to find a way to live without him being harmed by these circumstances. The courts are absolutely useless.

MyPeriodFeatures Fri 29-Jul-16 18:15:33

Just to say, it doesn't sound too far fetch to be true. I believe you. Happy to chat on this thread.

jumptothebeat Sat 30-Jul-16 08:05:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YellowJellyBeanz Mon 29-Aug-16 19:08:56

I'm just catching up on this.... These stories are shocking but I am not surprised at all sad

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now