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Should I ask him out? Body confidence issues.

(43 Posts)
DraenorQueen Mon 25-Jul-16 18:24:31

I've been single for a couple of years by choice as I was picking idiot after idiot and wondering why I was ending up so unhappy. I'm fine being single; I have a nice home, good job, etc. I'm not very body confident though but am in the process of losing weight.
Anyway, amongst the usual crap messages on POF there was one from a guy I recognised from a shop in town; from his message he clearly recognised me too. We got chatting, first on PoF, the on FB and he actually sounds REALLY nice. Totally grounded, about to start professional training for an exciting career, kind, and just the right amount of geeky. grin
I want to go on a date with him and I'm not scared of asking him, as I'm quite sure he wants to as well, but I SO hate my body at the moment. I'm huge. Really huge. The thought of him at some point seeing me naked makes me go cold! I don't know what to do. Most of me feels "you are what you are and he's obviously seen you and finds you attractive" but a small part of me the only fucking small part of me! says "he'll take one look and change his mind."
Please help!

justdontevenfuckingstart Mon 25-Jul-16 18:29:35

Well if he recognised you then bloody go for it! Nothing to lose. Nothing to lose even if he didn't recognise you.
Be confident in yourself. I resemble a tug boat. When dating I did doubt myself but thought fuck it. Not going to be any worse off x

DraenorQueen Mon 25-Jul-16 18:32:11

I resemble a tug boat LOL!!
I know you're right, I really do. I'm more just kicking myself for letting myself get in this state body wise. Agh.

justdontevenfuckingstart Mon 25-Jul-16 18:34:11

There's nothing wrong with that. Just relax. He is probably worrying about wobbly bits too!

AmserGwin Mon 25-Jul-16 18:34:50

He's already seen you and obviously likes you so go for it! I'm in a similar situation, been chatting to someone on-line and he wants to meet this weekend, I'm putting it off and going on a crash diet! Ridiculous I know. Still haven't decided what to do

pinkyredrose Mon 25-Jul-16 18:37:07

Don't be too hard on yourself OP. If he's recognised you then he knows what you look like with your clothes on so he'll have a fair idea of what you'd look like without them!

If you like him and he likes you then that's a great start, keeping chatting and see where it takes you. Life's for living!

justdontevenfuckingstart Mon 25-Jul-16 18:37:15

Don't put it off just meet for coffee, the longer it goes on the worse it gets. (4 years)

DraenorQueen Mon 25-Jul-16 18:41:53

Amser I'll take the plunge if you do!!
Thank you all, and you're right, I have an advantage in that he;s already seen me so won't get too horrendous a shock. But again, the dickhead in me is saying "what if he's remembered wrong..." etc. Oh I'm just going to ask him for a drink or coffee. He's a genuinely nice guy and even if we weren't attracted to each other I think he'd say it's always nice to make new sane friends in this strange little town!

Jayfee Mon 25-Jul-16 18:44:31

Well it is good motivation to keep to yoir diet and exercise regime.

DraenorQueen Mon 25-Jul-16 18:48:57

True Jay it does add to the list of motivations. I'm aiming for a total loss of 6 stone... dear God.

Jayfee Mon 25-Jul-16 19:20:43

I would also go slow on the full intimate thing..make sure you are both emotionally on the same wavelength first because sometimes the physical stuff can cloud your judgement imop. Sx stone....If you lose two pounds per week it should take 37 weeks so by next Valentine's Day you could be your new slimmer happier more confident self Good luck.

DraenorQueen Mon 25-Jul-16 19:32:34

I agree about the going slow - in past times when my self esteem was in the gutter I would opt for the "sleep with them then they'll really like me" tactic. Cringe. I'm happy to take things slowly and get to know someone now....but probably not until next valentines!!

flumpybear Mon 25-Jul-16 19:37:27

Go for it!! He wouldn't be interested if he wasn't 'interested' iukwim
I need to lose about 4-5 stone really to be my 'finest' lol but I have a gorgeous hubby who is an athlete ... Takes all sorts!!!

HelenaDove Mon 25-Jul-16 20:00:38

Jay i dont agree. Never lose weight for a man. Do it for yourself .

DraenorQueen Mon 25-Jul-16 20:58:16

Well I asked him and he said he'd love to. He also apologised and said he was going to suggest it himself, and would I like to go for a drink in a bar we both like. He has a busy week at work and I have a friend up next week so I have about 2 weeks to lose about 90lb....

Jayfee Mon 25-Jul-16 21:04:59

No..slow and steady. If you over do it you will give up. No crash dieting..not good for you

StartledByHisFurryShorts Mon 25-Jul-16 21:33:51

Yay! A date! Really don't get hung up on losing weight before you meet. Obviously, if you're trying to get healthier then keep at it but don't get fixated.

You're in a great position really, he's seen you in RL so obviously he likes the way you look.

I'm probably a similar size to you. I could lose six stone without becoming underweight. I am currently dating. I am honest about my size on my dating profile. It probably puts some people off but I have found it isn't a deal breaker for lots of guys. And why should it be? It wouldn't be for me. He may well be worried that he's too fat/short/bald/whatever for you. I find if I like someone then I find them attractive. I'm not looking for an Abercrombie and Fitch model.

pinkyredrose Mon 25-Jul-16 21:36:04

Oh wow that's brilliant OP! When you seeing him? !

DurhamDurham Mon 25-Jul-16 21:36:47

He said yes, he'd love to.....he knows what you look like, clothes don't make people look several stone lighter so he obviously likes you just as you are.

Exciting times smile

StartledByHisFurryShorts Mon 25-Jul-16 21:42:20

Although from a slightly shallower perspective, nice underwear always helps me feel better about myself. Not necessarily the figure-control stuff. I find being squashed into inch-reducing massive pants actually makes me more aware of my massive belly. But a good bra works wonders. I have two favourite bras which always make me feel more attractive. Pushing my enormo-tits up front and centre shows off my cleavage and makes my middle look, if not slimmer, then at least more separate from my tits.

And maybe book an appointment at the hairdressers. A nice haircut can make you look both slimmer and younger. (Of course you probably already already have a nice haircut. I tend to let mine run wild for 6 months at a time so I'm always surprised by the difference that nicely styled hair can make.)

DraenorQueen Mon 25-Jul-16 22:26:13

Er, slightly less joyous note already... I had a flick through his FB pictures, full-on nose. And there is a picture of The Expectant Dad's Handbook posted in March, with a subsequent conversation with any people, where hes saying how "they're" due in September. Fucking hell. I don't know the correct protocol here - it's not something I can really ask about. But I absolutely wouldn't date someone who was about to become a dad.
Any suggestions? sad

DraenorQueen Mon 25-Jul-16 22:30:43

*many people

DurhamDurham Mon 25-Jul-16 22:49:40

Puppies? Kittens? Grasping at straws here, that doesn't sound good does it. Unless he's going to be an uncle.....again grasping at straws!!

eloelo Mon 25-Jul-16 22:57:22

Counselling can help you to get to the bottom of your confidence issues and feel better about yourself.
Regardless if he is the one or not it might be a good idea. If you find the courage to ask someone out, sometimes your insecurities can reappear later in the relationship if you haven't dealt with them. (like with counselling): for example your other half gets close to a stunning colleague.
it is mind over matter.

DailyMailPenisPieces Mon 25-Jul-16 23:12:18

RTFT Eloeli grin

I would have to ask OP. Just a 'by the way, I was having a nose ...'

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