Grumpy neighbours

[Christine88]

My neighbours love a moan! They like to remind me that they've lived in there house for 40 years whilst I just rent mine...like that gives them the right to make me uncomfortable! They moaned about my cats even though there's loads of cats round here they said it was only my cats that went in there garden! Now they've started moaning about my partner smoking in the garden saying the smell gets in there house and we're being quite selfish to smoke outside our back door when there window is open etc etc
It feels like they're just picking on everything we do! The husband has actually shouted at me about the cats and I'm on edge waiting for him to kick off about the next thing! I feel like we have no freedom at all in our house!
I half feel like I should tell him to piss off but I don't want to be on bad terms with them as we have every intention of staying here for a while! Not really sure what anyone can say but I need an outlet!

[Jayfee]

My poor daughter lives next to 11 cats...nothing to do with neighbours renting, just a bucket of cat poo in her small garden every week. Cats don't ever seem to poo in their own garden. Not saying that your neighbours are reasonable as you might use a cat tray. Smoking outside offices at work has to be a certain distance from windows. Where i work it says how far... can't
remember.
Try to understand their point of view but if their complaints are unreasonable that would be different. Sorry i can't just say they are in the wrong.

[Christine88]

It's not so much that they have issues that's fine I'm happy to come to a compromise what I'm not so happy about is getting shouted at and talked to like I'm a child. I have 3 cats who are all older than 8 and pretty much just sleep all day! As for the smoking my partner is at work all day and only smokes once our boys are in bed after 7 at night, he doesn't get in from work until at least 5:30! I just think there are ways to talk to people to get things done and ways to make everyone unhappy and it's not fair!

[BeckyMcDonald]

I'd also be retry pissed off if my neighbour's three cats shat all over my garden and they smoked right next to my open window. Can your husband not move further down the garden so the smell doesn't drift into their house?

[SixtiesChildOfWildBlueSkies]

If your neighbour starts to shout just say 'I am prepared to listen to you when you are not shouting'. Say it the once, then walk away. Do this every time shouting starts, they'll soon get the message.

I can understand them re the cats as they are a pain using other gardens as toilets, but they are going the wrong way about things re their behaviour towards you.

As for the smoking, my neighbours smoke - in their gardens - when I have windows open, or I'm in the garden. Nothing to be done about that really. I just either walk further away, or close my windows. your neighbours should do the same, things like this are part and parcel of living in close proximity with other.

Hope you get things sorted.

[SixtiesChildOfWildBlueSkies]

...with OTHERS!

[Christine88]

My cats rarely leave my house let alone my garden and we have litter trays full of shit to prove that it's not my cats who are going in his garden. But he refuses to listen to me and just shouts me down about anything I try to explain to him. We've lived here 14 months now and the smoking is only now an issue...it's like he needs to have something to moan about!

[Jayfee]

I agree with you. It sounds like bullying behaviour from them. I think I would go and speak to them when things are calm and explain that you want to be on good terms. I would ask my husband to move further away from their window as if you don't smoke the smell canbe very off putting. After that, if they shout do what sixties above suggested. Good luck.

[HarmlessChap]

The smoking is probably only an issue in warm weather when their windows are open. We have the same with out neighbour, he sits on the steps in front of the house to have a smoke and out living room ends up stinking. As soon as I smell it I close the windows until he's gone but its too late.

[MatildaTheCat]

I agree that the main issue is probably the smoking. Unfortunately if the windows are open the smoke will get in and honestly if you don't smoke yourselves it can be sickening, literally. Is there any way he can go for a walk around the block or even consider switching to vaping?

[Christine88]

I'm not disagreeing that it's an issue, as I don't smoke and make him wash his hands and change his top as I can't stand the smell. But what I don't get is why it's an issue now when we've been here for 14-15 months now and the way in which the issue was bought up was just horrible!

My partner works 6 days a week 12 hour days why shouldn't he be able to have a smoke in his garden?! All it takes is for the neighbours to come to us as adults and ask him to let them know he's going out or something so they can close the window! He's literally out there 5 minutes 2-3 times in the evening.
Because of the way the gardens are connected wherever he stands he'll be by one of there Windows if that makes sense!

[Garbadgeman]

Would the front garden work any better for DH to smoke without it affecting them OP? They do sound like the sort to complain about everything but if there's ways to shut them up with minimal effort I would probably do it to keep the peace. I wouldn't put up with being shouted at, as a pp said just walk away if they can't be civil, and I would avoid them as much as possible so there's less opportunities for them to moan but there's little you can do about their behaviour overall unless it escalates and could be deemed harassment.

[Mycraneisfixed]

Cats wouldn't bother me so much but next door neighbour smoking near my open window would really piss me off. I'm lucky, my NDNs go to the end of their garden to smoke.