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Boyfriend didn't come home, ignoring my calls and messages..

(10 Posts)
newtothisx Sun 24-Jul-16 14:00:48

I live with my boyfriend of eight months. We moved very fast, mainly for financial reasons (we both needed somewhere to live and it made sense to live together than to rent separately and pay out more). Since we have lived together we have had a catalogue of issues, I found out he was on Tinder since the start of our relationship trying to talk to other women and meet them. He promised me he would stop and I then caught him again, I know it was stupid for me to give him a second chance its just that we live together the whole moving out thing is so inconvenient, and I really do love him.
He goes out a lot and knowing the way I feel about it when hes out I was hoping he would of calmed down for a while until I can rebuild the trust again, he’s also lied to me before saying he’s with family when he’s gone out drinking with friends. His family had a sudden death this week so he said he was going up on Saturday (yesterday) to occupy his niece and nephew which I completely understand. Then at 10pm he decides he’s staying over which I found a bit strange as he never stays with his family and it is already crowded enough over there but I accepted it. I currently have the flu and I am very ill (how I got sick in this weather I don’t know) so I woke up various times in the night and responded to one of his whatsapp messages at 1am. I woke up again at 3.30 and went on my snapchat to occupy myself and saw that he opened my snapchat message from Friday 8 minutes ago, so I gave him a call. We spoke on the phone for about fifteen minutes he sounded a bit strange and he ended my call very suddenly. I then messaged him on whatsapp about it and we got into an argument but he hasn’t responded since 4am. I have tried to call him multiple times and he hasn’t opened any of my messages. Its now 2pm, hes never stayed in bed this late so I refuse to believe, he knows hes on his very final last chance with me so why is he pushing his boundaries?
One more thing- I gave him the money for him to go to the bank yesterday and pay my side of the rent. I sent half via my business bank account and gave the remainder in cash as I didn’t have the full balance in my business account. Maybe I am being dramatic but he’s not answering any of my calls, messages and the fact that I am ill here makes this 100 times worse.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Sun 24-Jul-16 14:04:36

he knows he's on his very last chance with me so why is he pushing his boundaries?

I think he's made it really clear that he doesn't respect you, and you've made it really clear that you'd rather put up with that than have to move out, so he's not really pushing his boundaries. He simply doesn't believe you'd end things.

It's been 8 months and he's already made several fatal errors. He should be smitten and in the honeymoon phase, rather than chasing people on Tinder.

I expect he will message you when he needs you - when he's coming home, for example - but until then he's not interested.

The rent complicates things. If he's spent that money or he doesn't pay it in, can you afford to pay the rent in full? Getting in rent arrears will make this situation worse.

Nanny0gg Sun 24-Jul-16 14:06:07

You know what you have to do once you're better, don't you?

Whose name is your home in?

bibbitybobbityyhat Sun 24-Jul-16 14:06:35

Unfortunately he seems to have stepped over the final boundary. It may be inconvenient to split up but it would be really unwise to stay with this man. He is an absolute loser and you will be dragged down by him. So sorry flowers.

Squeegle Sun 24-Jul-16 14:10:17

He sounds very selfish. I think you should
1) find out asap re the rent - ask the landlord / agent of its been paid
2) work out if you can get someone else to share with you
3) consider your options without him- he's not playing the game

MephistoMarley Sun 24-Jul-16 14:11:21

He doesn't respect you and he knows you're a total doormat who will lie down and roll over. That's why he's behaving like this. He's a cocklodger who is shagging about behind your back.

Isetan Sun 24-Jul-16 15:01:00

Your boundaries are only as strong as your defence of them and as long as you keep moving them, he will keep testing them. Your feelings for him aren't reciprocated and he views you more as a flat mate with benefits, than a gf. Stop wasting your time on this twunt and start making plans to move out.

newtothisx Sun 24-Jul-16 17:08:35

Thanks everyone, subconsciously I know what I have to do but needed people who I don't know personally to confirm I am not psycho/ paranoid/ controlling or mad.

Thanks for taking the time to read and advise me.

newtothisx Sun 24-Jul-16 17:13:04

Ps he called me at 4pm saying he's been asleep for 12 hours! Complete joke and not even an attempt of a good lie, ended it with him and told him to collect his things tonight. Will confirm with the landlord if the rent has been paid tomorrow and if so will wire him over his share and look for a new flatmate. I am sort of worried to be on my own, I've changed a lot since I've been with him, not my happy go lucky self and haven't really had the energy for the people who were trying to help me.

Jayfee Sun 24-Jul-16 17:23:06

Oh sweetie 5 years from now this will feel like a bad dream that happened to someone else.

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