Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Found something....

(161 Posts)
summersunshineaddict Sun 24-Jul-16 12:20:53

Was using dps phone for something through other day, found an app called Kik. Opened it out of curiousity and he's been sending really quite filthy messages to other girls and photos too.

Things havent been great and we've not been having much sex but still this just hurt.

I've been trying to think of any reason he'd do this but I can't

I have posted before about having to hide my friendships with guys but I don't think this is comparable

LIZS Sun 24-Jul-16 12:27:51

How long have you been together? Does he need a reason, the fact he has done this is hurtful enough surely.

missybct Sun 24-Jul-16 12:32:23

The reason he's doing it is because he's a bit of a shit and is, at best, either getting an ego boost out of messaging women or at worst, trying to conduct affairs.

No other excuse really required. If you're having a rough time in your marriage, sexting other women is not the way to go about it.

Sorry, but it would pretty much be a deal breaker for me unless there is a two way story here and you've been unfaithful too (not saying there is btw) - if that's the case I would say you two need to call it quits anyway.

RedMapleLeaf Sun 24-Jul-16 12:36:09

Things havent been great and we've not been having much sex but still this just hurt.

The solution to this is not to start cheating on your girlfriend.

6demandingchildren Sun 24-Jul-16 12:57:32

Kik is linked to dating sites like theaffairsite

summersunshineaddict Sun 24-Jul-16 13:08:00

I've not been unfaithful, he has thought I have been but I haven't

He let's his face show in the video which I find odd

I have taken photos of his phone and the chat

Cabrinha Sun 24-Jul-16 13:21:15

You don't need photos.
You only need to dump him - because there is no reason or excuse for this.
Fortunately dumping him doesn't required any evidence, and what does it matter if he denies it? You know the truth.

Just dump the arsehole.

summersunshineaddict Sun 24-Jul-16 13:30:48

I feel sick about it all

merville Sun 24-Jul-16 13:43:31

"I've not been unfaithful, he has thought I have been but I haven't"

Classic projection, guilty conscience & thinking everyone else acts like him.

As others have said - problems in relationship/sex life ... try to fix them or end it, don't cheat.

Do you have any kids together?

Sorry this is happening to you OP flowers

summersunshineaddict Sun 24-Jul-16 13:51:41

No kids thankfully

Yeah he gets funny with me having male friends

TheNaze73 Sun 24-Jul-16 14:53:30

Why do you think he's doing it? What's wrong with your relationship? You need to talk to him. Good luck flowers

summersunshineaddict Sun 24-Jul-16 14:58:43

I think he's not, in his opinion, getting enough sex. If he was watching porn that would be one thing, this is just so much more than that

ExasperatedAlmostAlways Sun 24-Jul-16 15:03:33

You aren't married and have no kids. You are having problems, he doesn't trust you and accuses you of things. You don't trust him quite rightly so and now he has been doing this. surely there's only one solution.

Madbengalmum Sun 24-Jul-16 15:05:54

Yup, Op no reason to stay in a relationship like that surely?

merville Sun 24-Jul-16 15:10:53

"No kids thankfully"
Well, can only be a v good thing, given this behaviour.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter what's wrong with your relationship, if this is how he chooses to 'deal' with it. He's shown himself to have little or no integrity. You've both been affected by the problems, but you're not the one sexting other people are you (if it's truly limited to only sexting).

(Plus some people are capable of acting like this even if there are no problems).

Even if he hasn't met anyone in person, it's still cheating/utterly inappropriate behaviour & many people would say that the only talking you should do would consist of gtfo (!)

Also, have to say I've seen a pattern of women on here citing episodes like this, forgiving and continuing the relationship, only to have the same or worse happen again later.

Male friends; someone being like this about guys you are truly platonic with is stressful to begin with; having to minimise and hide the friendships is stressful and feels controlling.
And looking at what he's been doing; he's an utter hyprocrite & presumably thinks everyone functions on his 'level'.

summersunshineaddict Sun 24-Jul-16 15:26:29

I don't think he would physically cheat, which may seem naive. I don't think he would even see this as cheating

I know I need to sort it but I need to get my head straight first

merville Sun 24-Jul-16 15:36:46

Not trying to be cheeky Summer, but would he see it as cheating if you were sending filthy messages & photos to other men hmm.

Take your time & look after yourself; but know that this is not your fault - you've been having problems but you haven't chosen to do something utterly inappropriate (that many ppl would consider cheating) and he has. It doesn't speak of integrity on his part. And while I know it's not easy to find someone with integrity, there are some people out there with it.

merville Sun 24-Jul-16 15:42:27

Oh, and the issues with any friendships you have with males..
at worst controlling,
at best (before hearing about what he's done behind your back in a relationship) I'd have said he's perhaps old-fashioned/conservative ... but now we know he's not conservative so ..

summersunshineaddict Sun 24-Jul-16 15:42:56

No that's very true

I think I'm still in shock about it all

summersunshineaddict Sun 24-Jul-16 20:07:12

He's said he's not cheated

Pinkacid84 Sun 24-Jul-16 21:08:36

Well that to me would be cheating and he'd be gone but everyone has their own boundaries. So what do you plan to do next? Forgive him?

Cabrinha Sun 24-Jul-16 21:11:05

TheNaze73 why on earth do you think she needs to consider what is wrong with her relationship and talk to him, when he is sending sex texts to other women? Genuine question.
Why bother talking to him other than to dump him?

Kungfupandaworksout16 Sun 24-Jul-16 21:14:46

I'd message him via Kik to make him aware you know about it.
In my opinion dirty talking with someone is on a par with cheating. Yes granted he hasn't actually done the deed, but what is the filthy chat going to lead up to? The angle he's going for is to get sex.
In this situation there is no valid reason or excuses he could give to me that wouldn't make me run for the hills thanking God for my lucky escape.

LesisMiserable Sun 24-Jul-16 21:30:17

I'd message him on Kik too something innocuous - he'll know the games up without a single word spoken - be interesting to see how he deals with it...

summersunshineaddict Sun 24-Jul-16 21:37:14

I told him I knew, it's all come out

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now