Not sure if that thread title makes sense to others but it is very much how I feel sometimes. I feel like I step back, almost "out of body" and don't recognise the life I'm living or the marriage I'm in as mine...it seems so wrong for me and so different from what I'd envisaged for myself.
My husband is EA and occasionally violent. I've posted in the past, I have "almost" got out several times but never actually made it all the way. I feel like I'm watching myself sometimes and I'm fully aware that I am an absolute stereotype. There must be a reason or an excuse but I can't figure out what it is!
The latest in my saga is that I have put H in a bad mood (knew it was going to flip soon as he's been really nice lately - he usually becomes almost too nice and then flips). Because he's in a bad mood he has shown me messages he's been receiving / sending with a very pretty woman (made sure to show me the pic). He showed me so that he could impress upon me how he protects our marriage, but got annoyed when I mentioned that in all the messages he didn't mention he's married, in fact he just flirted back and even asked if she was going to a local cafe one evening...apparently I'm stupid because I can't see how him showing me the messages means he's a fantastic husband. He mentioned that she's ok with being a second wife (we are from different cultures and religions) - this is the point where I went "out of body" I think. How have I ended up in a life where it's apparently normal and ok for my husband to even utter the phrase "second wife"?? I didn't get angry or anything, tbh at this point I don't really care. He also told me he will teach me a lesson about control (I had accused him of being controlling). I am a successful, professional woman and I am being told I'll be taught a lesson by my husband FFS. Jesus.
I feel like this marriage is poison but he won't end it peacefully and I'll live this weird non life until I die. I'm too afraid to end it and I will not leave the home which is mine. When things are ok I can pretend that I'm happy, but days like this I just feel my whole life is a depressing sham.
He also hates my family (each one of them has in his eyes "insulted" him in some way - to be fair some things he has experienced are true, others are just him finding insult where none is intended). I don't really have any friends as whenever we go out with people he spends so much time talking about himself and just moaning, I don't really want to try and have friends anymore.
Sorry, massive post with no real point. I just don't know how I got here and wish I could wake up tomorrow and be in the life I imagined I would live.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Do you ever feel like you don't recognise your life?
ShoddyDuchess · 23/07/2016 19:16
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