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Dry spell driving me nuts

(19 Posts)
Lovelifeandsomuchmore Sat 23-Jul-16 07:56:04

Firstly I apologise for TMI
Sex section won't let me post yet

So me and DF have been together nearly 2 years
I have children and now we have one on the way.
20 weeks 😊😊

Obviously at first sex life was great we was at it like rabbits. All kinds, every where 3 times a day 2 times a night, very creative even tried anal. Yeah I know we wouldn't be keeping upto that LOL
Since moving in 8 months ago and starting his new job with I admit long hours I'm lucky to get it Once or twice a fortnight.
Now I have a really high sex drive and I'm not expecting it everyday but at least 3-4 times a week would help me keep my urges at bay.
Problem is aswell sex is now quick and seems all for him. No foreplay (well 30 seconds if that) and it's the way he wants it how He wants it.
I dare'nt initiate anything anymore because he will knock me back making me feel insecure about myself.
Yeah I've had the discussion but he trys to avoid the subject and if not gets all frustrated about it resulting in nothing being resolved.

I've hit a brick wall.. I can't even remember the last time I had an orgasm during sex.
I know it's nothing about the way I look if anything my boobs have gotten huge and I look healthier, I'm not ugly and have a decent figure (I'm far from blowing my trumpet I have) and he always me complements that.

What the hell do I do?

Staronthewall Sat 23-Jul-16 09:08:45

He sounds like my ex

I left him

No way am I letting a guy make me feel insecure and then pull all the strings regarding a near non existent shit sex life

HumpMeBogart Sat 23-Jul-16 09:38:16

No foreplay (well 30 seconds if that) and it's the way he wants it how He wants it. I dare'nt initiate anything anymore because he will knock me back making me feel insecure about myself. Yeah I've had the discussion but he trys to avoid the subject

Sex is how he wants it.
He makes you feel insecure.
He won't communicate.

I think lack of sex is the least of your problems.

Lovelifeandsomuchmore Sat 23-Jul-16 11:50:04

You are probably right. We don't do much as a couple anymore and it's pissing me off.
He doesn't get that spending so much time on his phone and having a conversation other than about the kids could do wonders.
I've spoken to him about it but he just says he works long hours and is stressed and has no time for himself.
I too have no time to do anything I enjoy. I mean I'm pregnant I'm limited to what I can do I know I have health risks in this pregnancy so low on energy.
However he does go out with his friends once or twice a month. Either to the football or boxing. He says he misses the gym and I get that.
Thing is I don't stop him going on a night or on his days off.
All I ask if for the connection and intimacy. He has Been promising to take me out since my birthday I'm may buy always finds a reason not to.
If anything I'm stuck in pregnant on my own bored of looking after the kids as I'm not able to work atm.
Tbh sex (when it happens) is the only thing we have together atm.
He says he loves me and says it just because he tired and doesn't feel like he has a outlet.
Neither do I but I'll always make time for us.
Honestly I wish I could work sometimes just for that little outside family interaction I'm lacking atm.
I have a dickhead ex who isn't a very good father to the kids. He useless and doesn't pay a dime. Although my partner loves the kids as his own and does provide for them he uses him as another excuse as to why he is stressed. He says him not being a dad and paying for his kids his putting stress on us. It isn't.. He just let's it. I can't force my ex to pay and be a dad.
Everytime we communicate it ends up in a heated row because he wants me to see things his way. Then I do and I'm end up feeling miserable and unresolved again.

I'm starting to feel like it's not fixable

Lovelifeandsomuchmore Sat 23-Jul-16 11:51:46

When I say long hours.. It's a normal 5 days a week 7-3pm job. Its the travel that's lengthy sometimes because he doesn't drive

RedMapleLeaf Sat 23-Jul-16 12:31:40

If anything I'm stuck in pregnant on my own bored of looking after the kids as I'm not able to work atm.

You could (and really should) deal with this independently of your relationship. flowers

TheNaze73 Sat 23-Jul-16 13:35:40

Firstly OP, don't think this is your problem. Wanting to have sex 3-4 times per week, is not out of the ordinary, I would think that's pretty average. As other posters have said, I think this is a symptom of some far bigger issues in your relationship. I do see some of his points. Have you done anything with the CSA regarding maintenance? I do think though your current guy is making excuses

Lovelifeandsomuchmore Sat 23-Jul-16 13:45:28

Yes.. But my ex is on benefits so I'm not entitled to anything. The thing is though he wants to control the time my children spend with their father. I don't really get a say in it. He displines them ect ect so he plays a big role but then he'll moan that he shouldn't provide if their father doesn't. I've never once asked him to provide, just to put in with the bills ect after all we are getting married and he lives here too. He would pay more if he owned his own home. I get him being frustrated about my ex being useless but when that is the topic of conversation everyday I get tired of the arguments over it. I can't change a man that won't change.
I can do things with friends but then he moans I'm not spending time with him. I can't win so then it's back at catch 22.
He does what he wants and I'm stuck in on my own again.

deadringer Sat 23-Jul-16 15:35:12

I think sex is the least of your problems really. Your dp doesnt listen to your point of view, he doesn't like you seeing your friends, he acts like a father to your kids re discipline etc but complains about helping to support them, and he is selfish in and out of bed. He doesnt sound like a keeper imho.

Lovelifeandsomuchmore Sat 23-Jul-16 16:22:37

I think you are all right and I need to do some serious thinking

Cary2012 Sat 23-Jul-16 17:45:30

How does he feel about being a dad himself in a few months time? Congratulations btw.

LookAtMeGo Sat 23-Jul-16 19:22:51

OMG Staronthewall, you've just articulated what my subconscious has been thinking about my situation

Lovelifeandsomuchmore Sat 23-Jul-16 20:06:14

He can't wait for the baby!! He's bought loads... That's the only thing I get out of him

smilingeyes11 Sat 23-Jul-16 21:26:55

so your ex is useless and your current partner is no good either. Isolates you from people, ignores and makes you feel worthless. I detect a pattern here. Why is your self esteem so low that you consider this is all you are worth?

Lovelifeandsomuchmore Sun 24-Jul-16 07:51:56

I've no idea why my self esteem is so low or why I think I'm not worth anything better. I suppose I just fall into a trap with the same kind of guys. Makes me pretty stupid. Something I need to change about myself. I lack confidence always have.

LookAtMeGo Sun 24-Jul-16 08:02:24

Staronthewall , do you mind giving us some more details for inspiration?

RedMapleLeaf Sun 24-Jul-16 09:39:10

OP you're not stupid and I think that telling you that you have such low self esteem is not helpful. It strikes me that you're thoughtful and brave to have both identified this situation and to want to do something about it.

Staronthewall Sun 24-Jul-16 10:01:54

lookatmego
My ex declined any sex when offered from me, but sulked when I declined his saying that I'm so desperate for sex that I shouldn't decline.
He made me out to be a sex crazed maniac when actually sex was rarely even once a week. And when it was it wasn't great as all he would ask is if I had orgasmed yet the whole time.
He also had a small penis and wasn't great with hygiene yet wanted me to suck his penis and was upset when I refused.

Made out that he was hard done by

LookAtMeGo Sun 24-Jul-16 20:13:44

Omg, I'm glad you left him. What a dick (pardon using that word grin)

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