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How do I know he is the one second time round?

(4 Posts)
onadaylikethis Fri 22-Jul-16 22:38:32

Hello! So I feel I have little confidence in knowing when I have met 'the one'. My confidence is knocked because I thought I had met my one, married him, had three children with him, gave him my all, but it didn't work out, we broke up 3 years ago. Finally I started dating again 9 months ago, met an amazing man 3 months ago and just scared of getting it wrong. This time is very different, we have mutual friends who all think it is great and are very happy for us, he has one child, our kids get on incredibly well together and mine with him, his with mine, our parents are happy and encouraging about our relationship, the siblings that are local and see us together are too, those that aren't local, I haven't seen how they respond to us but no one has voiced any negativity. I guess that because we have so much support and encouragement there has been nothing to challenge my feelings, thoughts or opinion towards this man. So how do I know.... Scared to make a mistake.... Thanks

lovelilies Fri 22-Jul-16 22:49:11

Never mind how everyone else feels about it, you need to work out how you feel about him...
Good luck

YouSay Fri 22-Jul-16 22:55:18

Have confidence in yourself (this is key). Always trust your instincts and put you/your kids first. If your ex was abusive do the freedom program. Good luck!

HeddaGarbled Fri 22-Jul-16 23:31:30

I think you need to get away from the idea of "the one". That's just a romantic fallacy. Some people meet a good match early in life and they manage to last the distance. The majority of people, like you, don't.

Serial monogamy is more common and realistic.

There are lots of possible "ones" out there and it's just a matter of which ones you happen to meet when you are in the right place for making a long term commitment and whether they are in the same place at the same time.

Does he make you happy? That's the important thing.

There are indicators of the chances of it lasting long term - treat each other with kindness, respect and generosity, similar values, sexual compatibility etc - but no guarantees.

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