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Does anyone else feel like they are on their own?

(10 Posts)
wobblywonderwoman Thu 21-Jul-16 22:58:05

I don't know what I can do. Dh and I work alternate work patterns. We cope with this. See each other three evenings.

However, to say I am lonely is an understatment. We have two toddlers and they are fairly quiet and happy so not too much stress with them.

We moved house and dh is doing most of the diy. He is good, hard worker and great father. Buy every weekend morning he goes back to diy. He never, ever says 'let's go to xyz' never. He might go alone to a football match. He doesn't drink. Is very sensible.

So I usually take the toddlers myself out for the day. Last Sunday to local forest and coffee shop. I book something- he will go.

But I feel like I have drifted from him. I don't want to leave him. We have a stable life.

I have plans with friends for mini break with our DC.

Do I wait for renovation to finish and see how it pans out. If its not that it will be outdoor work.

When we first married he spent every Saturday at his parents and sundags going for jogs. He would arrive home both weekend days expecting dinner. Now I just cook enough for two days as I often resent it.

His friend is getting married and dh says 'oh I rang Fred and him and the fiance are out for a walk' and I think we never do anything. We go out for night out (I arrange them) but then he don't hear of if when I say we don't do anything together.

His family work constantly. His mother is either cooking or working (farm) and never goes anywhere. I took her for lunch and she didn't know how to order from the menu. Genuinely -(Felt sorry for her but she knows no different)

A bit of me thinks dh knows no better about life and he admires his mother greatly. I think her life is awful. Sorry off rant.

Onlyonce Thu 21-Jul-16 23:13:24

I sort of see where you are coming from with this. My dp will do things happily with me and dd but we haven't been out on our own to do anything as a couple for 18 months. I recently tried to talk to him about it but it's like he doesn't see the point in the two of us doing something together. He is also the type of person that would rather be doing jobs or diy than sitting socialising with other adults. Hard work sometimes. I know now I will never get taken out for a romantic dinner or to the cinema. He will never plan anything for us as a couple. It makes me feel bitter at times but other times I just accept it

Have you tried telling him how it makes you feel? It sounds great that he is doing the house and you can tell him that you are happy for him to enjoy any hobbies but you need time together. See if you can agree on something in terms of how often you want to do something that fits with him having time but also giving you time as well

wobblywonderwoman Thu 21-Jul-16 23:24:45

Dh never takes me anywhere. I book something - he says OK
No enthusiasm

Jobs - he will jump up to do them. He loves spraying weeds that type of thing. I'm actually angry right now.

wobblywonderwoman Thu 21-Jul-16 23:25:28

Have you got a babysitter?

Onlyonce Fri 22-Jul-16 08:04:09

Oh, I thought this was just me! In a weird way it's nice to know it isn't just me!

Hotwaterbottle1 Fri 22-Jul-16 09:43:20

This is part of the reason I'm now separating. It's eaten away at me over the years. 20 years married and not once been out to do something I haven't organised.

wobblywonderwoman Fri 22-Jul-16 13:54:05

Sorry to hear that bottle. 20 years is a long time. Too long. You deserve better.


Hotwaterbottle1 Sat 23-Jul-16 09:07:01

You need to tell him how you feel. I did (over & over) but sadly changed nothing but at least I knew.

Lightbulbon Sat 23-Jul-16 09:15:44

I was going to say it's good that he does DIY/ jobs because mine doesn't but then I realised that's not the point.

It isn't what you want.

You aren't happy.

Was he like this before marriage? Why did you marry him?

His mum's life does sound like hell.

Does he not realise the menu thing isn't normal? (I'm sure there are other examples)

How is he with his DCs? Does he ever take them on his own?

If you are lonely but want to stay married you may have to look to widening your friendship circle to fulfill that part of your life.

Lweji Sat 23-Jul-16 09:18:37

This might be obvious, but have you discussed any of this with him?
What did he say?

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