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separation/divorce - how to push through the sadness?

(13 Posts)
needakick000 Thu 21-Jul-16 16:31:47

Namechanged for this. Dh wants to separate. We had a few very hard years with all sorts of stuff happening, miscarriage, family stuff etc. and we have not always coped very well. He is tired of trying and feels he needs to sort his life on his own. I am just so sad, the tears keep coming and I don't know how to stop them. We had plans, wanted to ttc again, and now it's all gone. He will move out but it might be a while until he finds something. We have been together for 10 years, married for 6. I am 35 and scared.

Logically I know that i will get through this eventually but at the moment I am just so sad. I don't even know why I am posting this.

Mozismyhero Thu 21-Jul-16 16:54:10

So sorry to hear this. I've no advice but flowers

needakick000 Thu 21-Jul-16 16:58:26

Thank you, Moz, i like flowers smile

user1469103274 Thu 21-Jul-16 16:59:31

Try not to contact him.

Spend time with family and friends.

My workplace have been the biggest support of all.

And remember nothing lasts forever in respect of feelings. It may feel liek it now but you wont always feel like this. xx

Kylieminogue Thu 21-Jul-16 18:09:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

needakick000 Thu 21-Jul-16 21:36:09

Sorry to hear this, Kylie sad. All the best to you.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Thu 21-Jul-16 21:41:45

I think it just gets a bit better over time. I believe you need to grieve, and cry when you need to. It's a cliche, but time does heal. It's just horrible when you are going through it. x

AChickenNamedDirk Thu 21-Jul-16 21:48:54

I'm sorry you are going through this. It's a massive change and loss whether it's the right thing or not. It's bloody hard and overwhelming at times.

I'm 7months down the line from you and the pain does recede slowly with time.

Be kind to yourself and don't expect to feel
better next week. My experience is that I made lots of silly emotionally driven decisions (re separation) in the difficult times that have been hard to reverse. Try and avoid this and / or find someone to advocate for you

Take care of yourself. Its shit but you will feel better. Xxx

AChickenNamedDirk Thu 21-Jul-16 21:50:10

pS you don't need a kick. You need a hug, lots of kind ness and cups of tea made for you. Be kind and allow others to be. I was shit at this !!

Hubnut Thu 21-Jul-16 21:54:15

It's such a tough thing to go through but it will get better. I got a lot of emotional support from friends family and work colleagues. I did not attempt to be brave I spoke about my feelings and let people help me.

Focus on the simple things like eating right and getting sleep. Being physically ok really help you cope emotionally.

I also found just taking a walk in the fresh air could really help. It sounds corny but looking at Nature and realising this was just a very short phase in the universe helped me.

My partner left me in April and I was devastated. I do feel so much stronger already. Of course I have my down days but I feel positive that things will get better.

The future will not be how you imagined but it can still be fantastic. Give yourself time. Xx

needakick000 Fri 22-Jul-16 08:58:17

Thank you everyone, and I am sorry to you all had to go through the same. I do sleep which is good, but I struggle to eat. I am just not hungry; the heat doesn't help I suppose. My friends are really good to me but I am missing my family, who are living a good 300 miles away. I am on holiday too which is hard as the daily routine is missing. I know I will be ok with time but this seems a long way away.

Chelazla Fri 22-Jul-16 09:08:40

Could you visit your family? Time away may help?? X

crazybek Tue 02-Aug-16 17:00:20

Snap here.after four days of nc on his part he then came bak and said were over,no discussion.
We have managed a short conversation since but have three dc so emotional its ripped me to the core.
Only been a week since he went off radar but two days since he said he was staying somewhere else etc.
My only hope was that id asked if he was 110% sure it was final and what he def wanted cld we sit the kids down but he hasn't responded to that.
The ownly slither I'm hanging onto and I'm not sure if hes avoiding it because he knows theyl be upset which he hates,not that its because he's not sure definatly thats what he wants.
Meanwhile I've told them he's staying away for a bit but will still see them and that him and mummy are still friends but I just cant get past feeling so sad rejected and useless.
So no advice here but will be hoping someone can come along and give some words of wisdom x

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