I'm 35. I've never had a proper relationship, boyfriend or partner. I've lived alone since leaving university.
That all probably makes me sound a bit pathetic. In reality, it's just very much the norm for me so I suppose I never really analysed it or saw it as such. I worked and was fairly successful in my career, had friends, had hobbies.
It's hard to say why I didn't end up with anybody. I lacked confidence at school and found I was a target for the boys. It tended to be teasing, but teasing that shifted into actual bullying. However, 'home time' was really what did it. I can't remember a time my family weren't telling me something negative about myself, mostly related to my physical appearance (my weight was a particular subject.)
It's fair to say I was generally a heavier build than my mum - she was tiny and very proud of the fact she was bird-like. I was always sturdier and more tree like :) She went on and on about it and encouraged my brother and his friends to give me a hard time too. She wasn't always awful - sometimes she was lovely and supportive - but that was definitely an argument we kept returning to. She also controlled my clothes and hair beyond a point where she should have, if you see what I mean, which meant I was crucified at school as her taste was not that of 90s fashion.
Still, I always had friends. As we all grew up at school I found the teasing came to a natural end and in my final two years I had relationships with the boys who had formerly teased me. Meanwhile Mum was drinking very heavily and I was going out in the evenings and I'd come back to her plastered and she'd start laying into me, calling me fat, saying I had no friends, saying I was a huge disappointment and she couldn't believe I was her daughter. On and on and on.
She died when I was sixteen. I know it sounds harsh but I was sad and sorry for HER but not for me, I didn't really miss her.
My dad had a bit of a nervous breakdown and I think that really affected me as his behaviour was very strange. He sold our family home and made it clear if I ever came back to visit him that I wasn't welcome.
I put on weight, until I weighed 14 stone, which at my height isn't a pretty sight! As all my friends were going out in pretty dresses and flirting, I was wearing baggy jeans and men's T shirts. It probably wasn't your average experience of university! Still, I always had friends: that's something that's been fairly consistent with me, that I make friends wherever I go. But no boyfriends.
Then I left university and lost the weight and discovered highlights and yet I still didn't have any boyfriends. I think I just became accustomed to a sexless life. You know how people say if you don't have sex you don't miss it? I was like that, only substitute 'sex' for 'relationships.'
I was so convinced I'd never meet anyone that I even made plans to have a baby solo as I KNOW I want to be a mum hopefully do a better job than mine did! - I really thought there was just something about me people weren't attracted to.
But now I've met someone, or re-met someone.
My friends are delighted and I have been forced (joking, but I was kind of forced!) to message him. and he said he'd love to meet up.
But - how do I know if he just wants to meet up in a friendly sense or in a relationship sense? And I've gained weight again: suppose he thinks I am just too big? And how on earth am I going to approach things like kissing, sex, when I just don't know what I am doing, and neither does he?
I am aware I sound about 14, and honestly I am not! But I am out of my depth ...
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Relationships
How on earth am I going to manage this relationship, if it is one?
wildpoppiesinsummer · 21/07/2016 14:23
I would just go with the flow. Meet up and enjoy yourself. Dont have any expectations. Just be yourself, you sound lovely.
And don't worry about the kissing, it's something that comes naturally. Some people have been kissing for years and are still terrible and always will be. It's a primal act and not something you can be taught.
Reframe this in your mind. Rather than focussing on your inexperience with romance 'skills', think about what you are good at. You have a consistent pattern of being able to make good friends. That's a skill that not everyone has, and is totally transferable to making a romantic relationship.
You want to work out if he's a good 'un. And if he wants the same kind of relationship that you want. And to have interesting conversations and a fun time. You've done all those things when getting to know a potential friend. This will be just the same, but with potential butterflies-in-stomach/hand holding/kissing. (And all that comes naturally, as PP's have said. 
)
Do your friends who made you contact him also know him?
No, they don't :) Thanks for replying. I just don't know if he is wanting to meet just as a friend and even if he doesn't how to make the transition from friend to potential love interest.
One friend has suggested shoving him in a hedge 
I won't do that!
He didn't say he'd love to - just said it would be good to catch up? 
'Tis true! but think I just invented a word called 'specialness'!
Good luck poppies hope he's a great guy to spend time with, whatever the outcome.
Thank you for sharing
My life has been a little bit bonkers of late and I want to start regaining some control.
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