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Has anyone else here been used for sex?

(23 Posts)
user1468602338 Thu 21-Jul-16 09:11:59

It was a while ago now but I still think about it and does still hurt.
He told me he loved me and I am but then he just disappeared.
It makes me feel like a stupid mug tbh but then I think I did nothing wrong,just trusted the wrong person.
I can never get my head around making a person believe real feelings are involved just to get sex

amypie86 Thu 21-Jul-16 09:16:17

Yeah that happened to me recently. I don't understand why they have to say they love you etc, it's just so unnecessary and makes it hurt even more in the end. But you're right, we've done nothing wrong.

user1468602338 Thu 21-Jul-16 10:32:50

It has massively effected my self confidence.
When I see him in the street I become the smallest person around.
Hopefully in time it won't bother me.

cozietoesie Thu 21-Jul-16 10:58:39

Just tell yourself 'I was a fool then but now I'm not'.

Acknowledge him when you see him in the street. Distantly if needs be. It'll be fine. smile

DrMorbius Thu 21-Jul-16 11:33:21

In life certain people are "users" trying to scam things off other people. Be that money, property or sex. They pray on the good nature of the vast majority of nice people, who try to see the good in others.

You did nothing wrong, you are just one of the nice people.

Ultimately you don't "give sex away", it's something you do. So you have lost nothing, you just had sex with a person who turned out to be not very nice.

When you see him stand tall.

Madlizzy Thu 21-Jul-16 11:36:10

You weren't the fool. He was. You're a good person and he's a twat. Hold your head up high, girl.

Simmi1 Thu 21-Jul-16 11:36:35

Yeap - I was online dating. I really fancied this French bloke I met online. He wouldn't stay the night or invite me back to his and then he just disappeared. He never said he loved me it was very early days. I was gutted at the time but now happily married to my lovely DH with two lovely DDs.

Simmi1 Thu 21-Jul-16 11:37:06

I never saw him again even though we lived and worked near each other.

UmbongoUnchained Thu 21-Jul-16 11:44:48

Yes I pretty much just a blow up doll for my ex.

imwithspud Thu 21-Jul-16 11:45:05

Yes I have but it was a good few years ago now and in my case I was young, naive and stupid. Not that that makes it okay for others to take advantage of me but I cringe with horror when I look back, because at the time I thought I was so grown up and cool.

SaggyNaggy Thu 21-Jul-16 11:47:44


Then she met someone else, left with barely a word, last text I received ended with:
"I never loved you really you were a stop gap till something better'
I didn't reply.

PonchosLament Thu 21-Jul-16 12:21:25

Cozie why was she a fool?

PonchosLament Thu 21-Jul-16 12:21:49

Saggy Wow, what a proper shit!

cozietoesie Thu 21-Jul-16 12:36:22

Perhaps 'fool' was a bit harsh. 'made a mistake' is probably more accurate. smile

Even good people make them but it's important, I think, to get them into perspective and not to dwell on them.

The other week, I mistakenly put my foot in a puddle which turned out to be wrongly positioned/deeper compared to that which I'd anticipated. I ended up with wet shoes, socks and a filthy foot - and incipient blisters. I didn't rail at the Gods for the error, just reminded myself to deal with the situation differently next time. (And washed my feet when I returned home.)

Think of him a a puddle, OP. wink

user1468602338 Thu 21-Jul-16 12:39:44

Ha ha I'm going to think of him as a puddle from now on.
With him he just told me not to contact him again and that was it.
I don't know how people can be so heartless
I was so upset for ages,I'm ok now just get angry when I think about it.
Don't know why I was so stupid but you live and learn.
My expectations are so much higher now.
I don't stand for any Crap from men now.

FellOutOfBed2wice Thu 21-Jul-16 12:47:00

Agree with DrMorbius sex isn't a currency you give away- it's something you actively take part in. Try and change how you think Of this. I bet if you can shift your thinking from "I was used for sex" to "I had a sexual relationship with an arsehole" you'll feel much better and your mental health on this will improve.

FuzzyEyes Thu 21-Jul-16 12:51:15

It is such a deep feeling of violation when you realise you have been manipulated isn't it?

Some people are just calculating and will stoop at nothing to get what they want and only what they want. It is so low to use the human desire for love and security as an 'easy' button to press.

But those people are so deeply cynical they will never be happy and never know what love is. Stay squishy and open-hearted. Just be wary of people with easy charm that know how to make your heart flutter - they are very well practiced.

gamerchick Thu 21-Jul-16 13:02:52

Oh yes but to be fair so was I, its an easy way to get a bed for the night.

This stuff can happen but we learn from it. It wasn't anything you did or could have done and all to do with them. Don't let it occupy your head more than it should.

I like the puddle idea.

user1468602338 Thu 21-Jul-16 13:09:18

I don't think I would of been as hurt if he hadn't of made me believe he loved me.
How he had feelings and wanted more to develop ,it seemed pretty cruel to me

merville Thu 21-Jul-16 13:13:48

Isn't the question "has anyone else not been used for sex" ;

While I agree we shouldn't see sex as some type of currency taken from us, I think people who have sex with others while implying a relationship to exist (present & future) that they have no real intention of having - to be utter scumbags. They're like the confidence tricksters & scam artists of the sexual/romantic world.

Anyway; chock it up to experience, appreciate what was good about the interaction and learn any lessons you can. While there's no guarantee of anything working out, I find waiting for quite a while to have sex (and avoiding alcohol which can be a serious horn-trigger) usually weeds out people like that.

suspiciousofgoldfish Thu 21-Jul-16 13:36:01

Ultimately you don't "give sex away", it's something you do. So you have lost nothing, you just had sex with a person who turned out to be not very nice.

Agree with DrM - you didn't surrender anything, you just happened to meet an arsehole, of which there are plenty.

DrMorbius Thu 21-Jul-16 13:47:44

Isn't the question "has anyone else not been used for sex"
Me blush blush

I also think it's an age thing, When I was younger I will admit, I carried on a few relationships either past their "sell by date", or waited until something better came along, because of the sex. prepares to be flamed

DrMorbius Thu 21-Jul-16 14:02:55

Don't know why, but my last sentence from my post above is missing. hence my post looks like it was written by a weirdo.

Therefore he may not have "tricked" you into a relationship. He may have genuinely wanted a start a relationship, then found you were not the woman for him.

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