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I've told dp to leave...

(12 Posts)
Standingonmytippytoes Wed 20-Jul-16 23:10:20

He's leaving tomorrow, or so I've been told. I can't put my finger on why I want him gone I just do.
But I'm so worried about the future we have 2 dcs. Ds who's 3 is non verbal and on the autism spectrum and dd who's 2 can't walk and is also non verbal.
Dp is great with the kids does his fair share if not more of house work. But I want him gone.
I hate the way he talks at me not to me. He had no interest in what I have to say as long as he gets his point across.
He makes me feel like a shit parent because I don't take the dcs out every single day. Or I don't go around after them picking up their toys.
He says all I do is sit and expect catered to when in reality anytime I try to get up to sort something or get something I'm told to sit down and made to feel like I'm in the way. Ds doesn't like when I leave the room I'm always trying to keep everyone happy.
But I'm no peach either apparently I nag all the time he's always on eggshells. He's happier when I'm not around than when I am.
I just need to vent not sure how to end this post do you think I'm right to end things we've been together 10 years. I'm only 27.

puffinpants Wed 20-Jul-16 23:17:18

You're entitled to feel and want the things that you do. You want something different than this relationship is offering you. The future is uncertain but if he's not a positive force in your life then he's probably not worth having around.

elephantoverthehill Wed 20-Jul-16 23:25:42

I think you and your partner have a lot to deal with and perhaps you are taking this out on each other. Have you tried for any professional help, may be through your HV or GP?

Msqueen33 Wed 20-Jul-16 23:30:56

It's bloody hard raising kids with Sen. Two of my three have autism and some days I utterly want to smack my husband in the face. I'm tired, crabby, a nag and a grump which is met with him being a grump and us both being under some stress. Professional help might be something worth looking at. I feel very unconnected to my husband as we don't do anything alone. Could you take some times together? Hugs x

elephantoverthehill Thu 21-Jul-16 00:00:57

Hi Msqueen. I completely understand, but I don't really understand the penultimate sentence. Sorry I am being a bit thick.

Lilacpink40 Thu 21-Jul-16 00:05:57


Live apart for now and think about what DCs and you want and need. Encourage him to do the same. Talk regularly about childcare and access, but take longer to work out your longterm plans.

lordStrange Thu 21-Jul-16 00:09:14

You have so much to deal with. You are young parents with sen kids? It must be a struggle.

If he '*is great with the kids does his fair share if not more of house work.* have you thought about how you will cope by yourself (assuming you become resident parent).

If you are struggling now it may be way worse without a helpful dad around.

Rowanhart Thu 21-Jul-16 00:11:43

You've both got a huge amount on your plates and it must be really difficult for you both.

I know when hubby and I are stressed out we can behave in similar ways to each other

Wonder before you give him the boot, you might be able to have the chance to spend some time the two of you doing summit fun and find friendship again?

What you're going through would put pressure on most solid of relationships.

Standingonmytippytoes Thu 21-Jul-16 08:42:50

It is going to be a real struggle not having him around. Right now i have my mum and sister staying with me while they relocate to the area.
That's put a strain on us hopefully some time apart will help. I just feel like he has other priorities and doesn't have time for me anymore.

Rowanhart Thu 21-Jul-16 08:44:29

Would your Mam and sister be able to babysit so you guys could have a night away or something to talk properly?

Standingonmytippytoes Thu 21-Jul-16 10:12:39

I think its past that rowan he doesn't seem bothered in trying to make it work. We'll see what happens when he finishes work. He's going to see if he can stay with his parents till he gets himself sorted.

Rowanhart Thu 21-Jul-16 16:22:45

Oh in sorry to hear that. I do think you both need to give yourselves and each other a break though. Sounds like things are really tough and would put all relationships under strain. Lots of love OP

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