So I'm here on Mumsnet never posted before as I am tired of my partner always telling me "I am mad" or "I am making a mountain out of a molehill".
I've been with my partner for 4 and a half years and I have a 11-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. Just last week we were on holiday and my partner had invited his older brother, his brother's girlfriend and their three-year-old son to join us at his villa.
The second day we were there, we were off out for an evening meal. Both brothers had hired their own car and as we were about to set off in each of our cars his brother's girlfriend was insistent we all go in their car.
I was shocked as this meant removing the child car seat and sitting her child in her lap. Going in their car meant there would be 6 in one 5 seater car. When I tried to protest about safety she (the brothers partner) started shouting at me saying "didn't I want to go with them? why do you want to go separately?"
I was shocked that she would raise her voice at me .... as she realised how she had reacted when she saw my reaction of shock she tried to cover herself by saying "she was only joking".
Her partner and my partner both in typical male fashion put their heads down and pretended they didn't hear anything. This just left me perplexed as to why she was so insistent and why would she shout at me. So like sheep we all quietly went in their car.
The next day my partner's brother came into the kitchen where I was and said " I am really sorry I am so quiet but I knew the heat was going to be too much for me I really didn't want to come but I let "her" (his partner) change my mind as she was desperate to come. I should never have let her change my mind."
Previously my partner had told me he had invited his brother - but the heat would be too much for his brother and chances are they wouldn't be coming. So yes I was surprised when I found out they were coming on holiday with us.
So obviously the little voice in my head starts putting two and two together and trying not to come up with 5!!!! I've been trying to brush it off and I thought perhaps I was exaggerating but my partner's brothers girlfriend is always arranging the table so she can sit opposite my partner. This time I actually caught her doing it and stopped her moving my partner's wine glass which he had placed opposite me. I can't even describe the number of times it has happened - because it is so pathetic and unbelievable!
We went on holiday in March - again they were invited, this time also the brothers partners mother. Then I was under the assumption that myself, my partner and my daughter would go out a couple of nights on our own. But we didn't - we spent every evening in his brothers and his families company and in the evenings playing "cards" with them. I know it sounds mad but it was almost as if my partner was apologetic to "her" for spending time alone with me. She is always having digs at his brother in front of everyone and complaining about him.
On the last holiday, I was surprised how we all went out for a meal and my partner sat there opened the wine menu and asked his brothers partner first "What would you like to drink?"
I'm not making it up - there was like an embarrassment around the table as he remembered I was sat next to him and then asked me as if i was the after thought.
When I have asked him about this - he says "I'm mad". On this holiday I tried to talk to him gently and ask him if anything had happened between him and his brothers partner previously before me. Initially, he went mad at me swearing at me, calling me all the names under the sun, telling me I was a psychopath, that I was a "nut case". Then he blames his reaction on me saying "I asked him aggressively" - I swear I didn't, he near enough went mad at me before the words had left my lips.
When I ask my partner why his brother's girlfriend would shout at me - his response was "Oh stop going on, I don't know why she wanted to anyway its no big deal". So if I speak up and try to talk about it I get portrayed as a trouble maker. My partner is always big on safety, so it's even more bizarre that he would be ok about his nephew being sat in a car not properly strapped in.
So here I am non-the-wiser !!!!!
Maybe someone else has any ideas? Is it really all in my head?
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Relationships
Holiday Woes .... Why would she shout at me?? And why would a mother break the law when there was no need?
amimad77 · 20/07/2016 15:03
Oh dear. I think you know the answer OP, don't you?
I think the real question is how far has it gone. Although I don't think that matters really.
The brother sounds nice. I would try and get a quiet minute with him and ask him if he's noticed and whether he's bothered.
to you.
Thanks for taking the time to answer. Just those answers have given me confidence. My partners response has been it "was a mistake - we won't be going on holiday with them again". But that doesn't really answer my question - has something happened between them in the past, and if so what??
When I first met him he went through a messy divorce and he would spend a great amount of time at his brothers. His brothers girlfriend moved in when she got pregnant and the 3 of them would spend many a night playing cards. So I have tried to take into consideration that she probably sees him as "one of her boys" and I did point out to my partner - the she and my partner kinda gang up on his brother. I've taken into consideration numerous times "I am the new person".
Also the holiday was dominated by conversation about her 3 year old, it's always "show uncle A" (my partner) what you can do. My partner doesn't have any of his own children, he Doesn't want any so suddenly seeing him cooing over a 3 year old takes a little getting used to. I've also taken this into consideration and thought I may be over reacting. But things like placing the potty next to the dinner table when everyone has made an effort to get dressed for dinner .... I think it's a little rude and at least make an effort to put the child to bed some evenings so the adults can enjoy some time alone. The way she carries on about the boy and "uncle A" it's even crossed my mind that she would prefer it if my partner was the child's father.
We are back home now and he said we would discuss it when we git back home. But he's not brought it up, surprise surprise!!!
..... And the fact he thinks in his little world it's all forgotten about!!! ..... Little does he know that in my mind I've just done 10 rounds in the ring with him 
I think the situation is my partner was unhappy in his previous relationship - the four of them (his ex, brother, brothers girlfriend) all used to spend a lot of time playing cards together. My partner says cards worked as you don't have to engage in real conversation. I'm understanding my partner and his brothers partner used to join forces together to jibe at each other's partners. (Which I can see how it happens but I think it is cruel and itsjust making your own relationship worse. I also find it belittling to your partner) These two holidays have been the first time i have spent time in her company and I guess she is picking up the relationship with my partner as of a few years ago..... Where he was unhappy in his then relationship.
My partner came out last night and said out of the blue "I think you could be right about my brothers partner. I think she does flirt with me I just didn't notice. It's just she complains he (his brother) doesn't do enough with the kid and I feel I have to stick up for her and help her! She's always complaining that she doesn't have anytime to herself. I know their relationship is in trouble as she's always telling me and I feel guilty that I'm actually happy now" Really !!!! my partner needs to grow a pair. But then that's also part of him I love - he is considerate (most the time)
PollyBanna - I didn't accuse him I asked if we could discuss her irrational behaviour of shouting at me and putting her child in a car without proper seatbelt and if something had happened however minor between them. For me it's really important to address minor issues as they occur in a relationship rather than pretend they are not happening or be given a reality check! Either works
Anyway never posted a personal issue on mums net before, great responses! Didn't want to talk to live friends about it as didn't want it to turn into a bitchathon event!!
What a lovely bunch u are will defo post again :-)
Off to enjoy the sun 
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