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Just found out my husband cheated - what to do next??

(9 Posts)
D0ni Tue 19-Jul-16 22:26:59

Things hadn't been right between me and hubby for a while. I had put it down to stressful things going on such as him working away part of the week, us selling our house so we could make the move to where he works, me being pregnant - now with little baby (+ big sister toddler).

Anyway yesterday he popped to the shop and I decided to take a look at his phone and sure enough very definite evidence of cheating. Absolutely gutted! It's over for me the trust is broken. I confronted him and there was no real great explanation for it. He wants us to work it out but I've pulled us through a few rocky patches before and I feel this is the last straw now.

So I've decided I'm not going to make the move to where he works which is currently about 2 hours from were we've lived for many years. I now have two options I either stay in the same area so I have my circle of friends here and a work office I know well. I don't have any family in this area. Second option is to move to Scotland where my sister lives as I know I will need some good support from her but I don't have the circle of friends there and will be transferring to a new office. Living close to my sister is something I've always wanted to do so this could be a chance to do that - but am I being silly when she is the only person I will know there?

I also need to consider carefully as my eldest will need to apply for her school place at the end of this year so my move will effect this.

I really don't know what to do?

We are currently in temporary accommodation as we've sold our house and this house is also in the final stages of being sold so I don't have much time to decide.

Can anyone help me make some kind of rational choice in my shocked state?

dungandbother Tue 19-Jul-16 22:36:13

I'm sorry you're in this situation.

Boring but don't be rash, you just bed security for you and your child(ren). Will you have paid Mat leave?
Can you just hold the fort a while or is there time to do a big move?

Is he likely to become an arse when you split? Or supportive of his children?

dungandbother Tue 19-Jul-16 22:36:36

*need not bed

GirlWithTheLionHeart Tue 19-Jul-16 22:38:36

How often will your dc see their dad if you move to Scotland?

D0ni Tue 19-Jul-16 22:42:02

Our communication is good on this and I don't think either of us will become an arse about it. We are focusing on the kids. If we move to Scotland it will be a 5 hour trip for him to see the kids instead of 2. He has said the move is entirely up to me and he may try to get a job close to wherever I go. This will not be easy for him as his job is pretty specific.

Cosmo111 Tue 19-Jul-16 22:43:14

Would you be punishing the DF by moving to Scotland? Seem abit of big move just to move where your sister is when you can stay where you are be local to your friends and workplace and DH and DC can have contact.

Sorry for you finding out he's been such a shit I wouldn't stay with him either.

D0ni Tue 19-Jul-16 22:47:26

I have no intention of punishing him. Oddly I'm kinda relieved to know what's finally going on and at the moment I feel like I've accepted it and we need to figure out the logistics now. Maybe staying in the same area is best. I will still need to move as we're in temp accomm at the moment. My head is all over the place sad

D0ni Tue 19-Jul-16 22:50:26

I'm devastated that we won't be a full family unit now. Both mine and DH parents stayed together. I'm really sad about that sad

Rowanhart Tue 19-Jul-16 23:06:27

What an awful situation OP. flowers

This is a tough one because moving to other side of country just now is not best move. However, understand wanting family around.

I think I'd stay out tbh as more disruption is probs not best thing for kids.

You could always move next summer. There will be a place wherever you end up.

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