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Man with insecurities

(38 Posts)
Achica123 Tue 19-Jul-16 16:44:01

I went out on a date with this guy, who was super nice to me. He treated me well, we had a good time. We continued still talking and all seemed fine until this morning when he sent me this long winded message about his fears and insecurities. He mentioned that he’ll always worry that he’s not good enough for me and that will make him block at times, etc...

I am really confused as to how to understand this letter. Shall I move beyond it and continue talking to him to see if we can be together? Or shall I take this as an warning sign to run away?

TheNaze73 Tue 19-Jul-16 16:52:17

Depends on what type of person you are & what you want. On one hand, he could be labelled as 'needy' and on the other it's refreshingly honest.

iloveberries Tue 19-Jul-16 16:53:13

Was it a first date? Sounds way too heavy for me!!!

If you like him I'd just tell him to chill while you get to know eachother but if you're not bothered then maybe just walk away as he sounds a bit heavy!

LuckyBitches Tue 19-Jul-16 16:55:22

Hmm... the first thought that jumped out is that by warning you he's making his behaviour your responsibility, but maybe I'm just an old cynic!

scallopsrgreat Tue 19-Jul-16 16:58:00

My cynical side would say he's setting you up for a fall. If you dump him you are the bad guy - he's a good guy really, he told you he was. If you accept what he says then he can use what he's said against you - he told you what he's like, you have to make allowances etc etc.

What did he mean "that will make him block"? Sounds to me like he's making excuses for his bad behaviour in advance or does he mean you'll be wanting to block him e.g. on FB?

scallopsrgreat Tue 19-Jul-16 16:58:31

Hah - clearly I'm not the only cynic smile.

SaggyNaggy Tue 19-Jul-16 17:00:28

Isn't everyone insecure about stuff?
Body shape, weight, knob soize, breast size, even nose size etc etc.

I'd certainly take it as a warning but maybe try to put it to the back of ypour mind until you know him better. The good thing, I guess, is that if he doesn't feel 'Good enoigh' for you that he may do his best to keep you happy. Unlike a gods gift type guy who'll probably think he's too good for you. If that makes any sense at all.

Achica123 Tue 19-Jul-16 17:03:02

scallopsrgreat - I think by blocking he's referring to him withdrawing in his cave.
iloveberries - I agree it's a heavy thing to be facing after first date. He's on the serious side of things but I didn't see that coming tbh sad

scallopsrgreat Tue 19-Jul-16 17:18:15

Ah right - so yeah he's making you responsible for his behaviour and excusing his shitty behaviour in advance.

ElspethFlashman Tue 19-Jul-16 17:25:12


"I'm warning you that I have a habit of ghosting people and will probably do it to you. But feel bad for me cos I'm just an ickle scared lamb"


AnyFucker Tue 19-Jul-16 17:27:35

Christ, how pathetic

I would run a mile.

Achica123 Tue 19-Jul-16 17:28:04

I found it really strange that he felt comfortable enough talking about these things after the first date to start with. The last thing I need to cope with is a needy man !

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Tue 19-Jul-16 17:29:33

As usual I agree with AF.

AnyFucker Tue 19-Jul-16 17:35:11

Drop him then

You don't owe him a thing

Bottomchops Tue 19-Jul-16 17:39:48

Reminds me of Friends

JOEY: And what did he say?
PHOE: He said that, um, he understands how sex can be like, a very emotional thing for a woman and he was just afraid that I was gonna get all, y'know, like, 'ohh, is he gonna call me the next day' and, y'know, 'where is this going' and, ya know, blah-la-la-la-la. So he said he wanted to hold off until he was prepared to be really serious.
JOEY: Wow.
PHOE: Yeah, so I said, "OK, relax please," y'know, I mean, sex can be just about two people right there in the moment, y'know, it's, if he wants to see me again he can call and if not, that's fine too. So after a looooot of talking. . . I convinced him.
JOEY: Let me get this straight. He got you to beg to sleep with him, he got you to say he never has to call you again, and he got you thinking this was a great idea.
PHOE: Um-hum.
JOEY: This man is my God.

KatsutheClockworkOctopus Tue 19-Jul-16 20:21:21

So his solution for not feeling good enough is to make his partner feel crap too rather than e.g counselling. That seems very selfish.
I'll join the cynics upthread as I would also worry his "blocking" would be a form of control which only took place when I tried to have a life which didn't revolve around him.

Gabilan Tue 19-Jul-16 20:54:06

Don't bother. It's either a ruse to get you to excuse his bad behaviour or it's true and you'll end up feeling like his therapist not his girlfriend.

Budge up on the cynics' bench, people.

Doinmummy Tue 19-Jul-16 20:58:20

So many red flags it looks like bunting at a village fete !

Isetan Tue 19-Jul-16 21:12:16

If this is the case, then right now he needs a therapist and not a gf. Block and move on.

MotherFuckingChainsaw Tue 19-Jul-16 21:25:02

'Ok, thanks for the heads up, you are telling me you are not ready for a relationship, that's cool, see you around sometime -never--'

HuskyLover1 Tue 19-Jul-16 21:31:51

What did he mean by "blocking"? That's weird. Hmm, I think I'd move on, tbh. Up to you of course, it won't hurt to have a few more dates, but I'd "proceed with caution"

Achica123 Wed 20-Jul-16 09:35:20

So here is a little development .... Last night he sent me another message saying that he realises that he's screwed up by sending this message but he couldn't help it because he wants to be good enough to win my heart !!

OMG - I am officially on the run

Doinmummy Wed 20-Jul-16 09:55:53

He sounds like hard work at best and a head fuck at the worse . Are you going to send a reply ?

Achica123 Wed 20-Jul-16 09:58:35

I replied saying no worries, but didn't take it any further. Yes, he seems like hard work. I am planning to phase out slowly and peacefully.

CherryPicking Thu 21-Jul-16 17:56:24

After one date? God, get rid and move one!

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