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My dd's birthday, no family cards

(4 Posts)
monkeytree Tue 19-Jul-16 13:16:59

I think I have one crazy dysfunctional (extended family) and on days like birthdays it becomes really poignant. DD is 10 today we have another little DD who is nearly 3 and really are a harmonious little family including dh. I had a late miscarriage in 2015 when I becomes estranged from my mother (it was the straw that broke the camels back) sadly we were never close and I don't want to blame my mother completely but I really don't think she was suited to motherhood. My father lives abroad and I am estranged from him too. Both dh's parents are dead. Dh,s sister is battling alcoholism. My one brother doesn't keep in touch with me and the other is a single parent struggling to bring up his own children (and also quite self absorbed). The girls have a stepbrother and stepsister in their 20's who don't seem to bother, they visit every now and again despite being told they are welcome at anytime, no cards, no acknowledgement. Dear aunt A who lives 200 miles away usually sends a card but yep, no card today (unlike her and could be on the way). Just really fed up. Despite all of this I think DD has had a lovely birthday - party sleepover, lovely presents out for a meal and friends have sent cards and presents. I think I am still grieving my miscarriage and usually get by o.k, it's just days like this.............

princessmi12 Tue 19-Jul-16 13:25:56

no real help here but I know how you feel.
My Df lives abroad ,never contacts me first,its always me start conversations online. Few days after my DS2 birthday(turned 13) I contacted him and made a remark that someone didn't wish someone happy birthday... his response was : oh ye I forgot
Just that .Not sorry I forgot ..then I said: is that all you can say? To which he replied:what do you want me to do now? Bang my forehead against the wall?
I lost it with him and stopped contact. That was nearly 2 month ago and he never tried to contact me since. Oh ye and his birthday was few days ago I ignored it too.

cozietoesie Tue 19-Jul-16 13:38:14

Better no family cards but a happy birthday than cards and a dysfunctional family splurging constantly over the emotional landscape I suspect?

Fingers crossed that Aunt A sends something though. I know what you mean - just occasionally you feel a sense of real loss for 'family'.

monkeytree Tue 19-Jul-16 20:46:56

Thank you for your replies X. Cozie I think I wanted someone to say exactly what you posted. I don't want to wallow in self pity and most of the time don't. I do get a sense of having lost my roots, my grandparents did a lot of the bringing up of my brother and I, they died years ago, we both miss them. I was quite affected when my parents separated (not really unexpected tbh) it all seemed to unravel. I just wish I had a pleasant extended family, I think it's more of a wistful longing now rather than feeling really sad or angry.

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