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NC with my mum for 18 months, she's sent dd a card today.

(4 Posts)
WhoTheFuckIsSimon Mon 18-Jul-16 16:36:25

She's a typical narc. Loads of back story. My dad is dead, they were divorced anyway. My brother is also NC with her.

The straw that broke the camels back for me was when she said something quite horrible about me and my brother to dd. She said we were both fat in quite horrible detailed language, that we'd get diabetes, etc. My brother confronted her, she denied it and said dd had psychological issues. Brother went NC, I was too scared and stuck my head in the sand.

Two months later she sent my brother a nasty email saying I had purposefully being hiding some paperwork from her to wind her up. I hadn't at all. She had given paperwork, wills, etc to my brother and asked me to get them off him which I did and she to,d me to keep them. She then asked me to ask him for some antique paperwork. I asked, he said he didn't have it. She went crazy. Two months down the line I found it in with all the will paperwork, etc. I rang her that day to say I had it.

She seemed to think I had kept it from her on purpose. She came to pick it up. Wouldn't talk to me or look at me. Stood in my garden with her hands in her pockets, staring at the floor. Let me dogs run out the house and wouldn't come in when I told her to so dogs ran off down the street and she made no attempt to help catch them.

Haven't seen her or heard from her since.

Even before that there been lots of nasty, low key stuff over the years. Was furious when I was pg and wrote me an eight page letter telling me to have an abortion, etc.

Actually I did get a letter from her after the last time I saw her. Crazy letter, repeating that dd had psychological problems, saying I was a bad mother, saying I had got my excuse of never Having to bother with her again. She also wrote to my brother saying she had to,d her magistrate friend how bad a mother I am and her friend thought dd ought to be taken into care!!! She's either making that up or has told her friend a load of bollocks.

There is honestly no need for any concerns over my parenting.

So a card comes for dd today. Dd is 15yo. Letting her know that my mums dog has died. She felt dd ought to know as dd loved the dog.

Now I don't know what to do. I feel sorry for her. She's in her 70s, has hardly any friends, no family at all. Her dog was her life.

But I also feel that this is an excuse she wants to try and get back in my life. She has made no attempt to apoligise. If she wrote/came and said sorry I would be more prepared to pick things up.....even though I know long term she would go back to her old ways as she seems unable to change.

It just feels so hard to ignore her still. But the last 18 months have been the best. No snippy phone calls insisting I see her every week, moaning that I don't see her enough, criticising me all the time, criticising dd. Dh hates her. Dd hates her.

Arfarfanarf Mon 18-Jul-16 16:39:57

In your shoes i would throw the letter away. It is clearly manipulation. I wouldnt choose to bring unhappiness back into my and my family's life.

Newyearnewbrain Mon 18-Jul-16 16:47:01

I think, seeing as DD also hates her, you should steer well clear.

She sounds a nightmare: vindictive, manipulative and mean. Do you really want that back in your life?

WhoTheFuckIsSimon Mon 18-Jul-16 17:47:17

No, don't want her back in my life. If I did contact her it would be down to guilt and I don't want to get dragged back into it all again.

Dd has seen the card and isn't interested in contacting her.

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