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Relationships

Would you class this as abusive?

121 replies

WhatDoYouThinkOfThis · 17/07/2016 11:32

A wife and mother whose husband is of another culture/language. Both partners are bilingual i.e. speak, read and write the other's language to a very high level. The language of the couple is the wife's language.

Wife/mother does everything she can to prevent the couple's DC from learning the H's language, visiting his country and having contact with his family.

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WhatDoYouThinkOfThis · 17/07/2016 12:48

.

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Sassypants82 · 17/07/2016 12:50

Is there any reason why? With no other facts, yes, I would say that it's unreasonable / abusive.

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WellErrr · 17/07/2016 12:51

Depends. Need more details.

My family is bilingual. I don't speak DH's language (although I do understand it) so I don't share it with the children. I teach them my language and my heritage.
It's up to him to teach them his language and heritage. But I would never try to prevent this.

What do you mean by prevent?

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mzS1990 · 17/07/2016 12:54

Yes I would.

What are the reasons behind it?

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WhatDoYouThinkOfThis · 17/07/2016 12:54

By prevent, I mean that she vilifies the H's country/culture/family and does everything possible to teach her DC a third language (the language of the country in which the family resides) to displace the H's language. The DC are schooled in her language (a much more expensive option than schooling them in his language).

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WhatDoYouThinkOfThis · 17/07/2016 12:57

I think the main reason is that she hates her husband. She didn't always hate his culture, that's for sure.

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shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 17/07/2016 12:58

It sounds very controlling but not really possible to call it abusive without further details such as what are the wife's motives?

Surely the husband can still share his language with the DC even if the wife does nothing to facilitate this?

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WhatDoYouThinkOfThis · 17/07/2016 12:58

And it's a power/control issue - she has much more power ove her DC that way,

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WhatDoYouThinkOfThis · 17/07/2016 12:59

It's quite hard for the H to share his language if the wife and three DC speak her language all day long, both together and at school.

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DoreenLethal · 17/07/2016 13:04

Did he abdicate his responsibility to his kids by not being there half the time, and not being part of the decision as to which school they went to etc?

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Bailey101 · 17/07/2016 13:05

Is the husband from a country where he would automatically get custody of the children? Could she be scared of him taking the kids to his home country and not allowing them to leave?

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WhatDoYouThinkOfThis · 17/07/2016 13:05

No, he didn't agree with the school choices his W made but was overruled.

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WhatDoYouThinkOfThis · 17/07/2016 13:06

No, H is from a normal Western European country and he would have no good claim to custody.

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WellErrr · 17/07/2016 13:06

Just admit that you are the husband instead of talking in this odd third person way.

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GottaCatchEmAll · 17/07/2016 13:07

Has he asked her why?

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WhatDoYouThinkOfThis · 17/07/2016 13:07

I'm definitely not the H! I'm another family member.

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KateInKorea · 17/07/2016 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elllicam · 17/07/2016 13:10

I'm not sure if I'm misunderstanding but if she is teaching the children the language of the country they are living in, surely that should be priority over the husband's language?

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mzS1990 · 17/07/2016 13:10

I've noticed lots of mums get too possessive over their children. The dads culture Is half of who her children are. If she didn't like it , she shouldn't have had a baby with him.

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WhatDoYouThinkOfThis · 17/07/2016 13:10

No, both parents speak totally mainstream languages. The language of the country they reside in is less so (though still a taught language).

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Minniemagoo · 17/07/2016 13:11

I'm sure there are plenty of opportunities for the H to share his language, when alone with the kids, reading bedtime stories, etc. It doesn't sound like the H is excluded.from day to day life in any way, he is fluent in his W and children's language.
If the H's language is an uncommon one similar to Irish or Welsh and they don't live or plan to live in that country and the children are young it isn't abusive just a matter of prioritising. Your OP doesn't give a lot of relevant info tbh.

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mzS1990 · 17/07/2016 13:11

Is the language Welsh?

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mzS1990 · 17/07/2016 13:12

I mean is the mothers country language Welsh.

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WhatDoYouThinkOfThis · 17/07/2016 13:13

Why should the language of the country they are living in take priority over the H's language. The family has lived in several countries - while the language of the country is important, it is less important in the big schem of things than the language of grandparents etc.

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WhatDoYouThinkOfThis · 17/07/2016 13:13

No, not Welsh.

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