Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

AIBU "intruders"; in laws

(87 Posts)
OneAppleADay Sun 17-Jul-16 11:03:17

Hi
I live in a house with two entrances, the main one that leads to the hall and the back glass door that leads directly to the living room.
To get to the back door one has to open the gate to the garden and go around the house.
I am used to go around in comfortable clothes when I am home, like for example light clothes, no bra, just a t-shirt and VERY short shorts. So, the kind of clothes you don't want to be seen in.
The thing is, my BIL uses to show up without a notice (which is almost enough to annoy me), but also comes trough the back door, coming straight in as it is usually unlocked. What a terrible surprise. Last time I was just coming out from the shower and had zero clothes on me, apart from the towel.
Does it happen with everyone? I mean, is that an acceptable behavior?
AIBU to feel annoyed?

chipmonkey Sun 17-Jul-16 11:05:44

No, not acceptable at all! Does he have a key? I'm assuming you don't leave the door unlocked? What does your dh think?

OneAppleADay Sun 17-Jul-16 11:11:13

It's usually unlocked because we use the veranda right outside that door. Anyway it is all made of glass and giant so one can see inside even if it is locked.
DH stays in the middle of the war, he doesn't think it is so bad that his brother does that.

madgingermunchkin Sun 17-Jul-16 11:18:46

I'd keep all doors locked until he got the point that knocking is the only option. And put a padlock on the gate too.

Annoying for you I know, but the best way to get your point across. I

lilydaisyrose Sun 17-Jul-16 11:20:40

I'd put a big curtain up and keep the door locked! Keep the key in he door if you use it often.

paxillin Sun 17-Jul-16 11:25:49

Have you told him? He still refuses to knock shock?

zippey Sun 17-Jul-16 11:27:00

If you live in the house then you should have a say about who comes in and out. Just tell them.

kate33 Sun 17-Jul-16 11:31:35

Yeah I think he enjoys catching you in like this. Put a lock on the gate. Take control of the situation.

OneAppleADay Sun 17-Jul-16 11:31:50

Nice to see I am not overreacting.
DH said he talked to him... Not sure what the answer was.
They do know I hate when people show up without calling first, but still do it all the time.
If I am alone home with the kids I don't even answer the door if I am not expecting anyone to come. But if they come trough the back door I am left with no choice. angry

Hotwaterbottle1 Sun 17-Jul-16 11:33:20

Why does your BIL come when DH is not around or have I picked that up wrong?

WorraLiberty Sun 17-Jul-16 11:33:30

Yes, it happens to absolutely everyone.

Buy some blinds and tell him to knock or use the front door.

MargotLovedTom Sun 17-Jul-16 11:34:13

Well, you'll have to put a bolt or padlock on the door.

MargotLovedTom Sun 17-Jul-16 11:34:52

Gate, I mean.

Spadequeen Sun 17-Jul-16 11:35:11

You are not going to change your bil. Your dh doesn't see it as a problem. It's not great, I think your dh and bil should respect your wishes but doesn't look like they're going to. Put a lock on the gate. I would do that anyway as a safety precaution.

OliviaStabler Sun 17-Jul-16 11:35:25

Lock the gate and back door so no one can come in unannounced. Might be annoying but it will stop this happening.

Some families see it as perfectly normal to call in on relatives whenever they want. They think it is weird that you have to call first. I strongly dislike anyone dropping in unannounced personally.

PovertyPain Sun 17-Jul-16 11:35:47

Why haven't you put a lock on the gate? I had a similar, but not creepy, situation and now, if I want peace, I lock the gate. He's actually sounds pervy, doing that. hmm

OneAppleADay Sun 17-Jul-16 11:37:23

MIL also came a couple of times through the back door when we first moved to that house, and I almost had a heart attack. I never expect to see people there. Spooky!

Penfold007 Sun 17-Jul-16 11:40:40

Your DH thinks its okay for his brother to walk into your home unannounced and find you undressed! shock
You need to get a lock/bolt on the gate and get into the habit of locking the doors especially when you are upstairs showering or doing jobs. Seriously anyone could walk in.

OneAppleADay Sun 17-Jul-16 11:40:47

He shows up anytime, never asks if DH is home or not. He usually comes with his family though, do I don't think he has any intentions by showing up like that. But it is annoying anyway.
Didn't want to put a padlock ok the gate, but may be my only option.
Thanks ladies.

SlatternIsTrying Sun 17-Jul-16 11:41:43

Round our way friends and family do walk in, but whilst announcing themselves. For example, ringing the doorbell then walking in whilst saying 'heellloooo', thus giving anyone a chance to cover up or whatever.

I think you are being a bit precious when you say you don't answer the door unless you are expecting someone - but equally some boundaries have to be respected, including your own back door.

ElspethFlashman Sun 17-Jul-16 11:42:04

Soooo, you're not locking it why exactly?

I mean I get that it's vaguely inconvenient to have to lock it and unlock it when going in and out but big deal.

And you could easily cover the glass with either a blind or that frosted contact sticky stuff. It's in B&Q, it's not hard to find.

OneAppleADay Sun 17-Jul-16 11:42:06

Yes, I lock it if I am upstairs. Just have it open when we are around in the living room.

AdoraBell Sun 17-Jul-16 11:45:08

I agree, put a lock on the gate and keep theback door locked.

My MIL likes to walk in unannounced hmm and my DH also doesn't see the problem.

OneAppleADay Sun 17-Jul-16 11:47:34

I didn't lock it yet because the kids come and go all the time and I think it is our right to have privacy with padlock or without.
We have curtains by the way, but very little light in the living room, so we have to keep it at least half open to get some light in.

But... Padlock will be the solution, even if I hate that.

thinkfast Sun 17-Jul-16 11:51:29

Yabu if you're annoyed but didn't say anything directly to bil.

If it were me I'd have said straight away "what on earth are you doing in my house without ringing the bell?"

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now