I'm new to mumsnet but have name changed just in case. As my title says, there is a woman at work who is my senior and I really need to find a way to dampen my feelings. I am happily married (to a man) with young children and have absolutely no desire to damage my marriage. But... I cannot stop thinking about her. I've known her a few years and we clicked instantly. I can't explain it, things are just easy with her (the same way they are with my husband), or at least they used to be. I am straight (I think) and have never felt like this about any woman before, besides thinking that somebody was pretty etc.
It's the classic crush story of working closely with someone for a while, emailing about work, texting about work (accepted policy at my workplace), and then we met outside of work with our kids for a playdate. This was about a year ago and then I would say we became real friends as opposed to work friends. All good so far.
I realised around Xmas time that i had feelings for her. I have no real idea when these came on and I really have tried to turn them off. We text most days, just about little things. I know I need to stop the texting. We see each other all the time at work but only every few months out of work, always with kids and sometimes with our husbands. Alcohol is never involved, thank goodness. I deliberately avoid it on work nights out now and volunteer to drive as I fear I will say or do something. I think about her all the time. I have no idea if she feels the same way and I honestly have no desire to take this further (except in my head). I know she thinks we are close but I think / hope that's it. She is very happily married and a bit older than me if that's relevant.
Well done if you got this far! What I'm asking is: is there a way to turn my feelings off but still be friends? I fear not as it hasn't worked for the last 6 months. The standard advice to avoid her will only work if I leave my job (small department) and I really don't want to as the hours are great and career-wise I worked hard to get here. What the hell do I do? Do I have to leave? We have talked about leaving and setting up a business together... This could all end in tears couldn't it? 
. I need to get a handle on this as colleagues have remarked on our closeness. Thank goodness they can't see inside my head. I really don't want that to happen and need to get her out of my head in that way while still working with her. If I detach completely I fear that will also be obvious. Aaagh.
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Relationships
Massive crush on senior female colleague - please pour cold water on me
WhatTheFuckDoIDoNow · 16/07/2016 21:14
Well, I never said anything because I didn't want to ruin what we had. But some of my friends realized just by how I behaved close to him. Maybe he also knew deep inside? If so, he was kind enough to keep it for himself and keep being my friend as before.
The thing is, in the middle of my crush he had a short relationship with my best friend. She had absolutely no idea about my feelings for him, and even though it was hard for me to watch them together, I loved both and had to be ok with it.
So for me it was vital to keep my feelings inside and never tell them, because I knew she would feel really bad if she got to know I loved him.
I am sure I loved him more than she did, but that's life.
She is still my best friend, he is still my good friend, but they don't talk to each other any longer.
Do you feel the urge to tell her about your feelings? As you are both married, use it as your reason not to say anything and I think you be ok.
I read once that a crush usually lasts for 6 to 36 months, so it will eventually fade away. Be brave, accept that nothing can happen between the two of you and soon you will see your feelings going away.
WhatTheFuck - are you the bff in the thread about flirting? Do you wipe down her kitchen table? 
no. Unless she has changed a massive amount of detail. Although her kitchen could definitely do with a clean . Have been reading that thread with interest!
Thanks for all responses . Add to basket thank you, that's the kind of cold water I need. Thinking of posting in AIBU to get some harsh responses
Have been in a sort of similar situation, she was senior to me and about 10 years older (not that age matters whatsoever). No DC time together though as I don't have children (she does), but we did do various things after work together, mainly for professional reasons. It started before we started working together as the first time I met her it was just, weird. I felt like I had always known her. By the time we actually started working together I had a massive crush on her. This went on for about 6 months and we went separate ways for various reasons (I never told her about my feelings or anything like that, but our relationship was strained at the time). This was a few months ago, and I thought it was getting easier but then last night I had an almighty dream about her. Woke up this morning and just realised that I'm either going to have to ignore it forever or tell her so she can tell me to fuck off once and for all. We text occasionally as apposed to numerous times daily, but the most difficult thing is missing her friendship as well, I found it quite easy actually to separate really appreciating and liking her as a friend and having feelings for her. So as much as I would like to say it gets easier, not sure it does! 
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