I apologise in advance for my depressing moan. I'm sitting in tears at the prospect of yet another weekend sitting in alone not seeing or speaking to a soul. Monday is a holiday in my work so an even longer lonely weekend than usual. Every single evening and weekend is the same, I message my friends trying to make plans only to get the inevitable "sorry busy with family" I'm early 30's, every single one of my friends is happily coupled up either married or about to be with kids or planned or already on the way, all with partners who adore them an fantastic jobs and big beautiful homes. And yes l realise that things aren't always what they seem but in my friends case they really are.
My last serious relationship ended nearly 2 years ago when l discovered he was cheating with pretty much every woman that crossed his path. I still harbour a lot of anger and sadness over this, anger that l let him steal the best years of my life when l should have been out looking for someone who wanted to be with me, sadness that l was never good enough for him. He claimed he didn't want a serious relationship yet within a matter of weeks was in a new relationship with a younger, slimmer woman who l believe he is still with now, blissfully happy no doubt.
I do date, use online dating as l never go anywhere where l could meet someone. But have yet to meet anyone l'm remotely interested in, went on a date last week and there was no spark, fine he was a nice chap and we had a pleasant conversation but there was an obvious unspoken feeling we weren't interested. As we went to leave he stood arms tightly folded looking at me in horror, clearly in case l attempted to kiss him which l has absolutely no intention of doing and had given no indication of being at all interested in him. The whole thing is depressing and l more often than not leave the dates feeling really depressed. some of my friends appear to actively avoid me now I'm single as l can't contribute to their happy wives conversations, l get the usual "oh it'll happen when you least expect it" chat now and again which makes me want to scream.
All l want is the happiness which seems to come so easily for others. I have no close family, my parents live abroad and my mum doesn't have a maternal bone in her body, she seems to only visit me to express her disappointment at my failed life and to grill me on why l don't have a social life
I have tried joining groups and making new friends, the first group I tried the women were nice enough but were churchgoers and didn't drink and were quite judgemental of those who did (I'm no alcoholic but like a glass of wine now and again) the second group seemed lovely but it was all just a ruse to get me to join their Arbonne cult, no thanks.
I have a job l enjoy although it isn't nearly as well paid as my friends but at the end of the day l am still coming home to an empty house. I have been ill the last week and it dawned on me that l could be lying here for weeks and nobody would even notice.
I'm sorry for my self indulgent sob story, don't expect anyone to read it really just want to get it off my chest l guess. I'm so bored with my sad lonely life, l just don't know what the point of my being here is really I think I've completely missed the boat for my chance of the life l wanted and I'm destined to a life of lonely weekends
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Relationships
Feel so unbelievably sad and lonely
Whenwillitbeme99 · 16/07/2016 13:34
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