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How to accept not being good enough for him?

(51 Posts)
user1468602338 Fri 15-Jul-16 18:17:13

Long time browser,first time poster.
Me and john(not his real name)have both grown up on the same estate.
He is 4 years older than me.
He is outgoing and always had lots of friends and talks to everyone where we live.
Then me who is shy and quiet and doesn't really talk to anyone and in their eyes a bit weird maybe.
Most of them are loud and gobby and just not for me really.
Me and "John" we're attracted to each other and started texting but he told me to keep it between ourselves,he pretty much chased me and we spoke a lot,spent time together.
He told me he had feelings for me and wished we lived somewhere else.
Basically if we didn't live here where people knew us because he was embarrassed by me.
Now I don't mind how I look I like my figure and happy with me,I get a lot of attention from men(and I don't mean that in a I love myself way,because I don't far from it)it wasn't to do with looks it was the fear of what people would say.
We started sleeping together but once again kept between us.
This went on for ages.
He told me he loved me,then said my friends wouldn't believe what your really like,we got on so well,felt totally at ease with each other,could chat for hours but he wouldn't date me and I hand on heart know it was what people would think.
It has made me a shell of myself,he has a girlfriend now(one of the popular girls in my area) yet he still tried to talk to me and kept coming back and back.
I know that I wasn't good enough for him,well in his eyes.
I don't know how to accept it tho,can you help me?
He got to know me and there is nothing wrong with me,I'm just quiet around strangers and people take me the wrong way.
Il be honest I'm in love with him.
I don't want to be because he hurt me but what can I do.

PollyCazaletWannabe Fri 15-Jul-16 18:22:49

He sounds like a complete twat tbh. He didn't deserve you. He is a shallow user. LTB

SlinkyVagabond Fri 15-Jul-16 18:26:43

You know the answer, if he really thought anything of you he wouldn't have kept you a secret. Delete his number, ignore, you don't need a prick like that in your life.

pictish Fri 15-Jul-16 18:27:30

You can wake up to what he's all about. Himself.

MistressChalk Fri 15-Jul-16 18:30:18

He's stringing you line after line to keep you as his 'back up'. He could possibly be telling the truth in which case he's just a hideous person. If he liked you he'd yell from the rooftops that he wanted to be with you.

You will find someone so, so much better that will love you and treat you well. Give up on this waste of space, you're worth so much more.

ErrolTheDragon Fri 15-Jul-16 18:33:46

Read back what you posted... Doesn't that sound like a shitty bastard, a user? He's the one who's not good enough.

There are good blokes out there, chalk this one up to experience.

user1468602338 Fri 15-Jul-16 18:34:34

The ironic thing one of his good mates(who has no idea me and him ever even spoke) invited me out for a meal.
I don't fancy him and wouldn't go,just made me laugh.
There has been times when I knew he was going to the pictures with her and I'm sat in the house looking in the mirror thinking why are you never good enough Louise.
Been times I've wanted to just rip my hair out.

user1468602338 Fri 15-Jul-16 18:36:54

If I ever told him I was on a date he wouldn't like it.
Asking who he was,where I met him etc.
Then message me constantly.
Tell me he wanted to be with me,he would organise a date but come the time he never mentioned it.

ThoraGruntwhistle Fri 15-Jul-16 18:37:01

It isn't you that's the problem here. He is using you and destroying your confidence at the same time. He is not good enough for you, not the other way round. What an awful person he sounds.

glasgowlass Fri 15-Jul-16 18:37:46

He is not good enough for YOU

Honestly, he is not. He has been using you. Don't give him a second thought. You're better than that, you deserve better than that.

user1468602338 Fri 15-Jul-16 18:39:38

You might think he was using you for sex but it wasn't.
Months we just used to cuddle and watch DVDs and talk and kiss..no sex.
I never understood it,he left my confidence so low,not that I had any to start with.
He could have anyone,good looking,charming etc.
I couldn't believe he wanted to spend time with me.
Obviously only behind closed doors.

LizKeen Fri 15-Jul-16 18:55:35

He liked the control. He knew he had you in his pocket. He enjoyed picking you up and dropping you when he liked. Just because he didn't always want sex doesn't mean he isn't a dirty user.

He is allowed to go out with someone else, but if you were on a date he didn't like it...that is because you might meet someone who actually respected you and treated you well, and he would lose his plaything.

This has been entirely about his ego, about him feeling good about himself. Your feelings really don't factor into it for him. You are dispensable.

The best thing you can do now is start believing in yourself and stay away from him. Don't reply to him again. Don't allow him to reel you back in. I know you feel like you love him, but you don't. You love the idea that he has created in your head of who he is. But that person doesn't exist. Its not real.

ElspethFlashman Fri 15-Jul-16 18:59:30

He sounds like an absolute nightmare. He has serious issues.

He just wanted the smugness of knowing you were ever available to him. That you were in love with him. His little secret. He got off on it. Bleeeuuurgh.

Isetan Fri 15-Jul-16 19:12:09

Has it ever occurred to you that he wasn't good enough for you. Him 'keeping you secret' was all about his shallowness and insecurities and nothing to do with your worthiness. He may be a looker on the outside but he is pretty urgh on the inside.

The truth is your insecurities enabled this twat to treat you poorly and you really need to do some work on yourself, to disable that beacon that attracts these 'prey on women with low self esteem' types.

228agreenend Fri 15-Jul-16 19:20:48

He's not good enough for you, not the other way around. Please don't let this cad destroy your confidence. you are worth more than him.

user1468602338 Fri 15-Jul-16 19:22:39

I do have pretty low self esteem.
I guess I don't need to tell you that,reading my post gives that away really.
With him I should of known really,I've lost count the amount of times he told me he enjoyed making his friends feel small.
I'm feeling slightly low with it all lately.

Redactio Fri 15-Jul-16 19:26:20

He's a **nt .
You can do a lot better than that . Don't let yourself be used.

ElspethFlashman Fri 15-Jul-16 19:27:27

Well he enjoyed making you feel small too.

Except he's no friend of yours.

FellOutOfBed2wice Fri 15-Jul-16 19:32:00

Wow, unless you're in year 9 this is fucking disgusting and, to be honest, even if you were both 14 I would still think this guy was a serious prick. How dare he. Don't waste another seconds energy on this shallow, self absorbed wanker.

user1468602338 Fri 15-Jul-16 20:19:45

He is 31 and 27.
He has messed with emotions for years.
The only person who knows is his younger cousin and he has stopped me a few times and said he keeps talking about you when he is drunk blah blah ...so you would think he was 14.
The amount of times he has said what would they think etc,I wish it wasn't complicated.
At 31 surely you shouldn't care,what exactly is the problem,I'm not loud like everyone else.
He thinks people will laugh at him.
It makes me feel so bad about myself.
I wish I could leave the area,I feel like a joke.

CocktailQueen Fri 15-Jul-16 20:35:56

He's 31? But he has the emotional maturity of an amoeba.

Op - he is a loser. You are worth so, so much more. Delete and block him and move on with your life.

Resilience16 Fri 15-Jul-16 20:50:06

Wow, this guy is manipulative, controlling and pretty twisted. He treats you like a second class citizen and enjoys making his friends feel small. He has some serious issues.
You are not a fault here, he is. The longer you stay with him the more your self esteem will be torn to shreds. He doesn't love you, people who love you don't treat you like dirt.
You deserve better. Ditch him , don't respond to his messages,and work on building up your self esteem.
You can do it

something2say Fri 15-Jul-16 20:53:13

I think he likes you but he thinks people will judge him for that somehow.

But no man is worth having to be kept hidden. That's a quality of love that isn't good enough.

Don't sit there thinking why aren't you good enough, sit there grieving the fact that you had a man who has shown himself to not be good enough.

Itsnowornever01 Fri 15-Jul-16 20:57:49

Ignore him. He is just ego boosting. Sadly there is a lot of them around. He is no friend of yours.

Find someone who thinks your amazing as I'm sure you are flowers

mumofthemonsters808 Fri 15-Jul-16 21:06:48

There's no other solution other than to get rid of him, he's taking the piss out of you and you're allowing him to behave like this.

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