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Newly married, having issues

(5 Posts)
Sunshine286 Fri 15-Jul-16 14:19:13

I need some advice please. First ever post so bear with me. I'm 31, been with DH for 4 years, just got married in April this year. I'm also 10+1 pregnant.

The issue is that we are not getting on. We've barely slept in same bed last two weeks. He is a wonderful, caring, super intelligent guy and I know he loves me dearly. However.....

We have arguments and they escalate. From my point of view, my gripe is that he needs spoon feeding and micro managing in every aspect of his life. I'm extremely organised, quick and efficient - the type that likes to just "get sh*t done". He instead prefers to drag things out, and discuss minutiae, to the point of winding me up. Sometimes I feel like his parent. I tell him he's like a 4 year old, and just to get on with XYZ. His response is that if I stopped treating him like a child then all would be fine.

We are also very similar in that we're both stubborn and like to have the last word. He complains that I raise my voice and don't let him have his say (first bit true when I'm annoyed, second bit not true imo). We have had fights which have sometimes escalated to scuffles. He is NOT violent but I have started to lash out when I'm very wound up.

In the background, I found out last October, that he has a gambling problem and has £25k of debt. To this day, I deep down still resent him for this and the fact that he hadn't told me in 3 years together (I found out myself). Also the fact that we were already planning our wedding and I didn't feel I had chance to process everything properly and decide if I wanted to take this issue on.
He goes to GA weekly, hasn't gambled since, and has paid back half the debt. Even though we are both high earners it has been difficult to juggle everything financially and I suppose I have lost a bit of respect for him which I'm struggling to get back. It also compounds the feeling of having to spoon feed/micromanage him.

In short we wind each other up and I don't know what to do, especially with baby coming. How do we learn to communicate better and how can I stop resenting him about the gambling issue?

Thanks in advance.

smilingeyes11 Fri 15-Jul-16 15:02:01

I don't know if you can stop resenting him. Maybe it would have been better if you had called off the wedding in hindsight? I think after the trust has been broken to this extent I can't see how you could move on. And baby coming on top, just more pressure. Winding each other up and arguing while you are pregnant is really not great at all. How is he going to behave when you are fresh out of hospital with a newborn? Wind you up then, argue and/or return to gambling. Sounds a recipe for a disaster tbh.

princessmi12 Fri 15-Jul-16 15:37:23

OP why do you have 2 identical posts?

Sunshine286 Fri 15-Jul-16 15:40:35

It said it had failed to post, so I posted it again. Then, typically, they both came up. I've had lots of responses on the other one.

pallasathena Fri 15-Jul-16 18:44:17

If he has 25k of debt, he very likely wants you to sort it out. Are you his mother?

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