Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

am i being a fool or being unreasonable ?

(6 Posts)
portinastorm Fri 15-Jul-16 13:03:28

im married with 2 children aged 2 and 8.
i would have said my husband was my rock , but now im not so sure and could do with others views and perspectives

i find family life hard , my children are great but come with usual stresses , I've gone back recently to working 3 days and life is a whirlwind. Not fully got my sync back yet. i dont have any family support, but have good friends.

my husband works hard , sometimes taking calls in the evening, being away and we sometimes only see him at the weekend , when i feel i can breathe again and enjoy being a family and him helping out tbh !

3 weeks ago my dh went to party at friends overnight , i couldnt go as no one to look after 2 year old and too far to drive to and come back , so he went , pictures on fb , he had his arms around some women but that isnt an issue for me. he said he stayed at the friends but i found a message on facebook from the friends partner saying he couldnt stay as no room , he says that changed and he did stay after all,,,,,,,,, , he could say anything and i wouldnt know ...... im not prepared to check out with the friend . but dh never told me there was a problem with him staying . he came home early next morning.

he has just told me he has planned to spend next saturday in a city with them and some other friends , all day sightseeing and drinking i should imagine. I had already told him about some plans with the children but he has forgotten ????

im really angry , these friends are young and dont have children so no money or family restrictions , we are fighting against an ever increasing overdraft and im trying alone to manage the money , where he just spends with no thought. this day out will not be cheap.

i feel like a useful childminder. Eldest one goes for sleepover but youngest is adopted and only been with us a year so i dont want her to go to anyone . and as i said i dont have family to help .

We do have a babysitter who sits so we can go out after children in bed but time to ourselves is very limited ..... and im very tired so not much fun.

I have no problem him going out locally for a drink , but its the days out , nights away im really struggling to accept.

Anybody able to help me with this, would appreciate all views

princessmi12 Fri 15-Jul-16 13:56:14

I think you have full right to say to him you don't want him to be away from the family over the weekend because YOU don't get time away.
Its either both of you go or NOONE goes.

ProcrastinatingSquid2 Fri 15-Jul-16 14:00:00

I think it's pretty inconsiderate that he just announces you you that he's going somewhere. Does he generally discuss things with you and check to see if you're happy to look after the kids? Have you talked to him about this and your financial situation?

MatildaTheCat Fri 15-Jul-16 14:03:07

YANBU or a fool. He's acting like a bit of an arse. A one off pass to go to a party, OK. And for what it's worth I would be inclined to believe his story about where he slept.

However, wanting to go on this next excursion is just plain unreasonable and mean. He needs to step up and support you and be fully involved with the children's lives. I would actually put my foot down and say no. If he's just stir crazy and needs some child free time suggest him taking you out for dinner for a start.

He's recently committed to adoption, I know how tough that is and he needs reminding that you are in this together otherwise I could foresee this becoming a pattern. After all, if you don't object why wouldn't he?

The most commo n remedy for this sort of issue on MN is booking yourself a spa day and for once I kind of agree.

mylaststraw Fri 15-Jul-16 14:13:48

Hmm, if you know these friends too, how come you haven't been invited along on this day/night out? I think he's taking the piss a bit here, reliving his youth with these younger ppl, who have fewer responsibilities, I would guess. I'd also be suspicious of him wanting to spend nights away with other ppl, sorry. He should be enjoying quality family time if he doesn't actually get to see you that often, not taking another day off to spend with 'friends'. Does he plan interesting things for you to do as a family at weekends? Do get time away yourself?

portinastorm Fri 15-Jul-16 14:57:39

thankyou everyone who has read and replied .
so its not me then !

yes cat i do believe him , but i do think he should have told me when there was no plan of where to stay . he would have gone anyway i know

they are not my friends they are people he has worked with and i have only met a few times...... yes young , getting married , no children , plenty of scope for fun ! i feel like going out with them instead ...... if i wasnt so damn tired .

good point .... no he didnt ask if i would mind looking after our children while he goes away .... i will address this

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now