My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Unreasonable behaviour from DH

56 replies

poppygolightly · 15/07/2016 06:52

This week my fridge freezer has broken so I've been buying food every night for immediate consumption. I came back from the supermarket last night with a meal for the four of us and some milk. In front of my children aged 8 and 10 my husband called me a fucking bitch for not getting any butter and then stormed out of the house. 2 hours later he came home and went straight to bed ignoring me. This morning he has left early without speaking to me even though we were both in the kitchen.
What the hell is going on and what should I do? He didn't ask me for butter and had been at home all day so if he really needed some could have got some. I cannot forgive him for swearing at me in front of the children over something so petty and I had to pull up my 10 year old son for being abusive as he didn't like his dinner as well as speak to my kids about daddy using words we should never say.

OP posts:
Report
ChampagneTastes · 15/07/2016 06:53

Has he done this before?

Report
Thattimeofyearagain · 15/07/2016 06:54

You shouldn't pit up with him swearing at you. He has acted like a massive arse and should WANT to apologise.

Report
greenfolder · 15/07/2016 06:56

If it's out of character he will be ashamed of himself and will apologise to you and the kids without prompting.

If it isn't out of character, you deserve better as do your kids.

Report
poppygolightly · 15/07/2016 07:03

I have to say it's not the first time. But it's not usually over something so trivial nor does it last this long

OP posts:
Report
Thattimeofyearagain · 15/07/2016 07:04

Is this out of character for him , or part of his everyday behaviour?

Report
timelytess · 15/07/2016 07:06

To yourself, privately, laugh at him. He's being ridiculous.
Then work out what's behind it. Drug use? Alcohol? Mental health issues? Or just a nasty bastard?
Decide if you want to proceed with this relationship or not.

Report
Afreshstartplease · 15/07/2016 07:06

Why can't he get his own fucking butter

Report
Thattimeofyearagain · 15/07/2016 07:06

X- post. His behaviour is escalating. He is verbally abusive to you in front of your dc.

Report
Dozer · 15/07/2016 07:08

That is abusive behaviour. How often does he do this kind of shit?

Report
poppygolightly · 15/07/2016 07:39

He is quite difficult to live with and quite often puts me down but not usually at this level over something so trivial. I just don't know where we go from here

OP posts:
Report
acdcfan · 15/07/2016 07:39

That's disgusting. If that's not a one off he'd be down the road...

Report
SandyY2K · 15/07/2016 07:56

It's absolutely unacceptable and quite frankly I wouldn't put up with it. Even if he had asked for butter and you forgot, it's still totally unacceptable behaviour for me.

The more you tolerate without consequences for him, the more his behaviour escalates. I have no desire to be married to a man who has such little regard for me, as that's how I would view it.

The irony is he's done wrong, yet he's the one in a huff not talking to you.

Report
Thattimeofyearagain · 15/07/2016 07:57

I think you do know op, its just a frightening thought. Is he verbally abusive to the dc yet ?

Report
ScarletForYa · 15/07/2016 08:02

He sounds like a nightmare OP.

Report
AttilaTheMeerkat · 15/07/2016 08:08

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

My guess is that he has been abusive towards you for a long time now.
Your children are now also being pulled into his own private war against you. They saw this and heard him verbally you as their mother.

We learn about relationships first and foremost from our parents.
What do you want to teach them about relationships, surely not this model of one?. Your children could all too easily model what they are seeing from you two, infact it looks like your son is already modelling his dad's behaviour.

Have you ever considered leaving your H?.

Its no life for you and its certainly no life for your children either.

Report
cuntinghomicidalcardigan · 15/07/2016 08:13

Even if he had begged you for butter, work a 14 hour shift and just got in and was craving the butter you'd promised to buy... it was still a completely unacceptable reaction. If it's not a one off then I'd be seriously looking at separating. It's already rubbing off on your son, is that behaviour you want modelling for your children?

Report
hellsbellsmelons · 15/07/2016 09:05

You call Womens Aid, that what you do.
He puts you down.
Your DC are starting to model his behaviour towards you.
Not a good lesson for them at all.
You KNOW what you need to do.
Start to put things in place to do so.
Why was he home all day?
Does he work shifts?

Report
HarmlessChap · 15/07/2016 09:29

I've never called my wife anything like that let alone in front of the children. Its not OK,

I guess there could be unrelated stresses which are causing him to flip but that doesn't excuse him using you as a lightening conductor if that were the case.

Report
MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 15/07/2016 09:35

I wouldn't want my children exposed to that sort of behaviour. He would be out the door.

Report
Lookatyourwatchnow · 15/07/2016 09:50

Yes, out of the door. That is completely, indefensively unacceptable.

Report
2ManySweets · 15/07/2016 09:53

When the respect goes in a relationship, it's (IME) irretrievable.

FYI, my XH did something near identical to me. It was item #1 on the divorce petition's list of unacceptable behaviour.

Good luck and Flowers

Report
pallasathena · 15/07/2016 10:24

Your ten year old son is modelling his abusive father's behaviour isn't he? And you know what you need to do. Find your power and use it. Call him out and your son too. You're allowed to be angry, you're allowed to rage against injustices, go on, have a rage and a rant and tell them what you truly think of their abominable behaviour. And if you have daughters, model raging feistiness whilst you're about it.
If you keep all that sadness and emotional abuse locked away inside it will eat you up. Teach your children well o/p.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Fidelia · 15/07/2016 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hillfarmer · 15/07/2016 12:02

You poor thing. Awful, despicable behaviour from your H, and it sounds like this is a trend of disrespect and criticism. No -one deserves to be treated like this. And his subsequent stropping and huffing, instead of abject apology, tells you that he is being an utter arsehole.

Definitely ring Women's Aid OP, you are in an abusive relationship and your children are living in a hostile environment of your H's making.

Report
AyeAmarok · 15/07/2016 12:05

He is abusive and now it's rubbing off on your children.

Sounds like it's best if you split. Sad

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.