Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Unreasonable behaviour from DH

(57 Posts)
poppygolightly Fri 15-Jul-16 06:52:09

This week my fridge freezer has broken so I've been buying food every night for immediate consumption. I came back from the supermarket last night with a meal for the four of us and some milk. In front of my children aged 8 and 10 my husband called me a fucking bitch for not getting any butter and then stormed out of the house. 2 hours later he came home and went straight to bed ignoring me. This morning he has left early without speaking to me even though we were both in the kitchen.
What the hell is going on and what should I do? He didn't ask me for butter and had been at home all day so if he really needed some could have got some. I cannot forgive him for swearing at me in front of the children over something so petty and I had to pull up my 10 year old son for being abusive as he didn't like his dinner as well as speak to my kids about daddy using words we should never say.

ChampagneTastes Fri 15-Jul-16 06:53:50

Has he done this before?

Thattimeofyearagain Fri 15-Jul-16 06:54:49

You shouldn't pit up with him swearing at you. He has acted like a massive arse and should WANT to apologise.

greenfolder Fri 15-Jul-16 06:56:59

If it's out of character he will be ashamed of himself and will apologise to you and the kids without prompting.

If it isn't out of character, you deserve better as do your kids.

poppygolightly Fri 15-Jul-16 07:03:56

I have to say it's not the first time. But it's not usually over something so trivial nor does it last this long

Thattimeofyearagain Fri 15-Jul-16 07:04:14

Is this out of character for him , or part of his everyday behaviour?

timelytess Fri 15-Jul-16 07:06:03

To yourself, privately, laugh at him. He's being ridiculous.
Then work out what's behind it. Drug use? Alcohol? Mental health issues? Or just a nasty bastard?
Decide if you want to proceed with this relationship or not.

Afreshstartplease Fri 15-Jul-16 07:06:43

Why can't he get his own fucking butter

Thattimeofyearagain Fri 15-Jul-16 07:06:50

X- post. His behaviour is escalating. He is verbally abusive to you in front of your dc.

Dozer Fri 15-Jul-16 07:08:31

That is abusive behaviour. How often does he do this kind of shit?

poppygolightly Fri 15-Jul-16 07:39:08

He is quite difficult to live with and quite often puts me down but not usually at this level over something so trivial. I just don't know where we go from here

acdcfan Fri 15-Jul-16 07:39:30

That's disgusting. If that's not a one off he'd be down the road...

SandyY2K Fri 15-Jul-16 07:56:28

It's absolutely unacceptable and quite frankly I wouldn't put up with it. Even if he had asked for butter and you forgot, it's still totally unacceptable behaviour for me.

The more you tolerate without consequences for him, the more his behaviour escalates. I have no desire to be married to a man who has such little regard for me, as that's how I would view it.

The irony is he's done wrong, yet he's the one in a huff not talking to you.

Thattimeofyearagain Fri 15-Jul-16 07:57:18

I think you do know op, its just a frightening thought. Is he verbally abusive to the dc yet ?

ScarletForYa Fri 15-Jul-16 08:02:37

He sounds like a nightmare OP.

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 15-Jul-16 08:08:41

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

My guess is that he has been abusive towards you for a long time now.
Your children are now also being pulled into his own private war against you. They saw this and heard him verbally you as their mother.

We learn about relationships first and foremost from our parents.
What do you want to teach them about relationships, surely not this model of one?. Your children could all too easily model what they are seeing from you two, infact it looks like your son is already modelling his dad's behaviour.

Have you ever considered leaving your H?.

Its no life for you and its certainly no life for your children either.

cuntinghomicidalcardigan Fri 15-Jul-16 08:13:26

Even if he had begged you for butter, work a 14 hour shift and just got in and was craving the butter you'd promised to buy... it was still a completely unacceptable reaction. If it's not a one off then I'd be seriously looking at separating. It's already rubbing off on your son, is that behaviour you want modelling for your children?

hellsbellsmelons Fri 15-Jul-16 09:05:30

You call Womens Aid, that what you do.
He puts you down.
Your DC are starting to model his behaviour towards you.
Not a good lesson for them at all.
You KNOW what you need to do.
Start to put things in place to do so.
Why was he home all day?
Does he work shifts?

HarmlessChap Fri 15-Jul-16 09:29:33

I've never called my wife anything like that let alone in front of the children. Its not OK,

I guess there could be unrelated stresses which are causing him to flip but that doesn't excuse him using you as a lightening conductor if that were the case.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret Fri 15-Jul-16 09:35:36

I wouldn't want my children exposed to that sort of behaviour. He would be out the door.

Lookatyourwatchnow Fri 15-Jul-16 09:50:55

Yes, out of the door. That is completely, indefensively unacceptable.

2ManySweets Fri 15-Jul-16 09:53:00

When the respect goes in a relationship, it's (IME) irretrievable.

FYI, my XH did something near identical to me. It was item #1 on the divorce petition's list of unacceptable behaviour.

Good luck and flowers

pallasathena Fri 15-Jul-16 10:24:53

Your ten year old son is modelling his abusive father's behaviour isn't he? And you know what you need to do. Find your power and use it. Call him out and your son too. You're allowed to be angry, you're allowed to rage against injustices, go on, have a rage and a rant and tell them what you truly think of their abominable behaviour. And if you have daughters, model raging feistiness whilst you're about it.
If you keep all that sadness and emotional abuse locked away inside it will eat you up. Teach your children well o/p.

Fidelia Fri 15-Jul-16 11:40:49

Just to make sure...does he keep his phone glued to him? It's not unknown for a cheating partner to start a petty fight so they can storm out.

Even if it's not that. it's not ok for him to treat you like this.

Hillfarmer Fri 15-Jul-16 12:02:21

You poor thing. Awful, despicable behaviour from your H, and it sounds like this is a trend of disrespect and criticism. No -one deserves to be treated like this. And his subsequent stropping and huffing, instead of abject apology, tells you that he is being an utter arsehole.

Definitely ring Women's Aid OP, you are in an abusive relationship and your children are living in a hostile environment of your H's making.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now