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Want to help but don't want to interfere or look nosey or judgemental

(5 Posts)
lolaflores Thu 14-Jul-16 18:57:35

Old old friend. NEws has reached me from my mother that she has had her kids returned to exDH due to her alcoholism. She has been in rehab but is drinking again.
She has had a mash up of a childhood with too many issues to put down here. Her difficulties with alcohol are not a total surprise. HOwever, I want to ring, let her know (I don't know what to let her know) or perhaps let her know she is not a bad person, that she is struggling.
There was the usual victim blaming from my Mum and the ssshhh don't say anything, pretend you know nothing. Yet, that doesn't sit right with me!
Do I ring? Do I pass it by? Do I say I knew all along when she is found dead but didn't want to be nosey?
I don't want to betray my mothers trust as such and am torn as to what to do.

MatildaTheCat Thu 14-Jul-16 19:09:49

Could you pop in? I'm sure she would be glad of some support but don't imagine you can fix her.

lolaflores Thu 14-Jul-16 19:15:59

We are quite a distance away from one another. Agree I can't fix it. That is a long journey but I can't imagine how she is feeling. Her kids gone, drinnking out of control and so on. It must be an awful experience. Not for a minute do I imagine a phone call from me will turn it all round but I do't want to be indifferent.

tribpot Thu 14-Jul-16 19:19:07

Unfortunately I think you need to prepare yourself for someone deeply in denial about what's happened - possibly she thinks her ex has deliberately exaggerated the extent of her problem to take the kids back, possibly rehab failed because she isn't like the other addicts.

I wouldn't phone, as she may be too drunk to remember you did so. I would probably write, so she can look at it again later, and say you're sorry to hear about her troubles and you hope she is on the road to recovery soon. Maybe add that you don't know what you can do to help her, but you're thinking about her. (Don't ask what you can do, because the answer is likely to be 'go to the offy for me').

You almost certainly can't help her but I understand why you don't want to pass by when she could be dead in a few months.

lolaflores Thu 14-Jul-16 19:33:58

Tribot thanks. Addiction is a messy old set of things. Sometimes the upper most priority is a trip to the offie or score something to take the edge of. Its just eveyrone is slaggin her off, she's this she's that and I know she isn't, the drinking is a symptom of everything she went through. All the times she was told she was a liar with reference to incidents. On and on.
Feel bad for her. Feel ashamed that there wasn't more I could do earlier.

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