Hi wise ones
I've just come out of a 16 month relationship (I instigated the break up about two weeks ago) because I was starting to feel completely unhappy & highly emotional whenever I was in the company of my partner.
From the beginning it was a weird one. I'm trying to understand his behaviour & my behaviour & am gonna try & condense. Think it'd really help me to move on to try & understand WHY it went so wrong. I still feel like I've thrown away something good coz everyone thought he was the bees knees!
Here's some of the 'highlights'...
One month in We went to the pub. We got drunk. I was SO into him & told him so (just 'you're really lovely' kinda stuff) & he totally freaked, told me he felt threatened & wouldn't talk to me after. Then behaved like nothing happened the next day.
Four months in He referred to me as his girlfriend in passing so we went away to a hotel & I instigated the 'are we girlfriend/boyfriend now chat' & he said no, the term gf/partner is too possessive & we shouldn't label each other.
Six months in I asked him where we were (I was totally loved up) & he said the sex was good & he liked my company.... I felt really fed up. & ended it as I felt it wasn't going anywhere. He then emailed/texted/begged me to get back with him/sent flowers said he 'thought he might fall in love with me' - i fell for it all & things didn't feel much different
One year in I told him I loved him. He went completely quiet & there was a ridiculous silence before he said ' me too' but I never really felt he did... It all felt so wrong after that -
A few more months plodded by...
Then I started to get really frustrated & angry as I felt it was always me laying my cards on the table & giving.... His sex drive was incredibly high throughout - I felt like he was just in it for the sex much of the time.
Towards the end, I just felt totally unattractive & used - he would often explain to me that a majority of the issues were my fault. He was very 'in touch with his feelings' & knew a lot about psychology.....
I just need to write all this down I think
There was quite a lot more to it but I'm starting to feel a bit about what happened & how to avoid all this in the future- we are both in our 30's with kids-is it that I can't remember how to 'do' relationships anymore? Was I totally uncool instigating these conversations?
Am I destined to never be in a relationship again? Yikes!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
What just happened?
BacktoZak · 14/07/2016 18:40
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.