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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I don't have a best friend...

53 replies

Karcheer · 14/07/2016 17:24

In fact for most of my life I haven't and it makes me sad.

I'm 42, married, can't have children.

I've lots of good friends and some of them are best friends with each other. I get hurt when they refer to meeting up with their best friend on Fb etc as I used to think we were all equal friends.
Another of my friends has just got engaged and I've found out from another friend that three of our group are to be her bridesmaids, and that made me sad.
I know I'm 42 and should be over this. But I just wondered if anyone could shed some light on why I don't have a best friend.
Or how I can stop this upsetting me :/

Thank you.

OP posts:

Report

Kittencatkins123 · 14/07/2016 19:17

Maw! Don't worry I don't have a best friend either! And I've never been a bridesmaid, but it really doesn't bother me! Think about all the lovely friends you have and your lovely partner and how lucky that makes you and forget about all this negative/comparing stuff, it's totally unhelpful and unimportant in the big scheme of things.

newbluetrue · 14/07/2016 19:37

Count yourself lucky. My best friend decided about 18 months ago that we were no longer friends (there is a long background story but in my opinion we could have worked stuff out if she had been prepared to talk things through) and I'm only now getting over it. Never again will I have a 'best friend', it was worse than being dumped by a romantic partner.

treaclesoda · 14/07/2016 19:41

I don't either.

Newbienew · 14/07/2016 19:43

Me neither. Not particularly bothered by it .

SoleBizzz · 14/07/2016 19:44

Don't think I do either but was a bridesmaid once.

ILoveAGoodBrusselSprout · 14/07/2016 19:47

I'm your age and don't have a best friend. I did, or so I thought, but over a period of years I realised that she didn't behave as a good friend, or best friend, should.

I still have some other lovely friends who I can have fun with and confide in and, surprisingly, I've made some new friends since (something I didn't think I could do in my 40s).

In reality, my husband is my best friend but it would be nice to have a woman who could be my best friend and I hers.

winkywinkola · 14/07/2016 19:50

I don't have a best friend.

I don't want one.

I have a few good friends.

I do worry about who I would call if I were in trouble.

nicknamehelp · 14/07/2016 19:50

I don't and sometimes makes me sad but i try to just get on with it.

Owlytellsmesecrets · 14/07/2016 20:01

I lost my best friend 2 years ago. She was my mum. I'll never get a replacement!

TriniRedVelvet · 14/07/2016 20:15

I don't have any friends.

SnipSnipMrBurgess · 14/07/2016 20:19

I dont have any friends. One or two wives of husbands friends and parents at the school that I would say hello to at pick up time but thats it.

I promised myself this year it would change but Im just not sure how?

MrsBanks · 14/07/2016 20:22

I don't have friends.
Best friend just stopped talking to me 4 years ago. Never to this day know why.

timelytess · 14/07/2016 20:28

I don't have any friends. I do have a number of pleasant acquaintances. Dd tells me that 'friends are people you don't like that you hang around with' and thinking back to when I did have friends, that's probably the case. I took a decision, about twenty years ago, to ditch anyone who caused me pain. Its surprising how many people cause pain in other people's lives.
Forget friends. Take it light. Be happy without them.
Actually, the person nearest to being my 'friend' might well read this and knows who I am on MN. No offence meant!

fredafortycoats · 14/07/2016 20:31

I don't have any friends either,my husband is my best friend.I have work friends but don't socialise out of work with them, it's too far. I don't have anyone I can ring In a crisis😱

lukasgrahamfan · 14/07/2016 21:00

I've struggled with friends and I have also had to ditch those who made me very unhappy and had some sick agenda going on, unhealthy friendships must go.
So now I have one good friend. She, though, is much more sociable than I am and often sees other friends and does things with them that I would love to do. So it's a bit hurtful and I struggle sometimes. The less people I have deal with the better.
If my friendship with her goes wrong I will get a dog. Seriously.

Custardmiteofglut · 14/07/2016 21:23

I don't have a best friend either. Like you, I'm sad sometimes that my good friends call each other their 'best friend', but that's their life and I'm getting too old to be jealous.
I have a wonderful husband, supportive family and several good friends so it's not so bleak.

Life is long and as PP have said, people come and go, falling into then out of your life. Perhaps you haven't met your best friend yet.

Karcheer · 14/07/2016 21:24

Umm yes I think my dog is probably my best friend, but I think his is my husband :/

OP posts:

RadicalPessimist · 14/07/2016 21:30

Me neither.

I do have lots of friends but not a 'best friend'. I don't consider it an issue. If you have people in your life who you like and spend time with, and are supportive of you, why does it need to be a 'best friend' exclusive relationship? Genuinely curious.

Ginmakesitallok · 14/07/2016 21:32

I don't have a best friend either- well I do, dp, but the dc says he doesn't count.

Stargazing25 · 14/07/2016 21:42

Aww OP, I know how you feel.

I have a local group of friends but I always feel on the outside of the clique. No one's number one, two or even three.

I do have other friends from various times in my life. However, they are dispersed around the country and life is busy. When we meet up, things are great.

I have agonised over similar feelings of loneliness over the years but I'm starting to resign myself to the fact that this is as good as it gets.

Karcheer · 14/07/2016 21:45

I think it's more, that friends of mine see other (common) friends as best friends ie more important/better than me. I guess it feels a bit rubbish being a b list friend rather than an a list "best friend" if you see what I mean.

OP posts:

Partiallycloudy · 14/07/2016 21:45

I have a best friend, but no other friends...only acquaintances, its never really bothered me until recently....I'm on maternity leave and can go days - prob weeks without hearing from another adult person who isn't my DH. I go to baby groups/classes but struggle to make it past the odd hello!

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MrsBertBibby · 14/07/2016 21:49

Surely the 'best friend' thing is just about insecurity, once you're a proper grown up? It always strikes me as being a bit of a leg-cocking thing.

Stargazing25 · 14/07/2016 21:49

I think you've hit the nail on the head there karcheer. Being a 'B' list friend is no fun.

Fomalhaut · 14/07/2016 21:51

I don't have one either. Actually I'd go as far as to say I don't really have any :/

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