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Can H refuse to sell the house?

(24 Posts)
GoldenOrb Thu 14-Jul-16 16:49:57

H and I are separating. He has refused to leave the house because it is me who is initiating the split, so I will be moving out, and the children will spend (an as yet undecided split of) time living with both me in my new place and him in what is currently our family home. I'm not especially happy about it, but I can't continue to live with him, and therefore this feels like the only option.

We have already discussed finances, and have come to a tentative agreement on the split of equity from the house when it is sold. However, because H doesn't want to split, he is now seemingly less happy about selling the house. He keeps coming up with new things that need to be done before the house goes on the market (new bathroom, new fence, carpets cleaned etc etc) and it feels like he is stalling for time. He has talked about buying me out, which I would be happy for him to do, but I don't think he can afford to. I can't afford to buy him out.

Can he refuse to sell the house if he can't afford to buy me out of it, or does the financial agreement/divorce need to be finalised first?

Minime85 Thu 14-Jul-16 17:00:58

I wouldn't move out without taking legal advice.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Thu 14-Jul-16 17:02:28

If the court order for the financial settlement states that the house has to be sold - it has to be sold.

PurpleWithRed Thu 14-Jul-16 17:08:31

Get legal advice and get formal mediation - if he's going to be slippery you need legal help and a sound foundation to make it happen. Don't be tempted to make lots of concessions just to get stuff done, it won't get them done any faster and you'll just end up losing out (bitter experience).

mummytime Thu 14-Jul-16 17:08:53

Don't move out without legal advice, especially if you leave the children behind, or they spend more time "with him" as a result.

GoldenOrb Thu 14-Jul-16 17:17:24

purple what sort of thing do you mean by making lots of concessions?

mummytime I am not planning on leaving the children behind, and he is well aware of this. We are currently going to mediation trying to work to agreeing living arrangements for the children, based on the fact that I would move out and they would be living with me in my new (rented) house. I have been open with him about this.

Is there a concern that he would get more "rights" to the children because he is insisting on staying in the house?

Minime85 Thu 14-Jul-16 17:27:58

More rights to house and potentially more difficult about moving. You need to get divorce proceedings stated so you can then do the finances. Need nisi before can finalise the consent order. You might move out but will still be responsibility to also pay mortgage as your name is on it.

GoldenOrb Thu 14-Jul-16 17:47:57

minime He wants a financial separation, the details of which are almost agreed. The only disadvantage to this (afaik) is that pension stuff can't be part of it, but we are still waiting for pensions cash equivalent information anyway. I think from his point of view the financial stuff would be sorted and then we could both buy other places, but it's been a while since we talked about it and now he is stalling I am not sure if that is still his intention.

Others have advised to forget the financial separation and just file for divorce, but I get the feeling he would be even more difficult then than he is currently being.

Although my name is on the mortgage I don't currently pay anything towards it (he pays all of mortgage and bills, I buy everything for kids and food shopping, cleaner etc)

TheNaze73 Thu 14-Jul-16 17:49:13

No you can't at the moment. Don't know the full background of the split but, if this was flipped, a lot of people would be advising you to stay put

GoldenOrb Thu 14-Jul-16 17:50:37

naze To stay put for what reason? I'll happily provide more details of the split but I'm not sure they would make much difference

Minime85 Thu 14-Jul-16 18:12:19

I might be wrong but I thought that financial separation before divorce was then changeable on divorce? Might not be right but that's why I would get legal advice. You may not pay now but it doesn't mean things wouldn't change does it? If you move out then you have even less control on him moving.

GoldenOrb Thu 14-Jul-16 18:21:07

minime you are right, it is not 100% watertight so could potentially be changed during a divorce. He is adamant he won't do that though.....
I just don't know how long I can carry on living in the same house for. I told him I wanted to split in January. We have got nowhere since then. I am not sure what needs to be done/agreed before it would be ok to move out, but he will continue to drag his feet to keep me in the house (as that is what he wants)

Minime85 Thu 14-Jul-16 18:26:39

Why don't you want to file for divorce then? Is it worth spending money now on a consent order to then have to do it again on divorce? You have to make sure mortgage is paid and if he stops paying it you could be left with mortgage and rent to pay. Sounds like a horrid situation.

GoldenOrb Thu 14-Jul-16 18:30:29

He said that he would pay for the financial agreement (because he really doesn't want to get divorced). See your point about the mortgage.

Minime85 Thu 14-Jul-16 18:31:18

Why doesn't he want divorce?

GoldenOrb Thu 14-Jul-16 18:46:54

Religious reasons.

SomeonesRealName Thu 14-Jul-16 20:04:52

If you can stay in the house while your divorce goes through that's likely to be the best course of action. It's difficult to sell a house when someone is living in it who joint owns it and doesn't particularly want it to sell. Once you are out but still on the hook for the mortgage you will be in a weaker negotiating position when it comes to the financial settlement. He will be in a stronger position and it won't be fair.

Minime85 Thu 14-Jul-16 20:25:54

So will you always stay married to him?

GoldenOrb Thu 14-Jul-16 20:45:47

Minime oh good grief no!!! I'm trying to work out the best way out of this for everyone. Although I am realising that is impossible.

GoldenOrb Thu 14-Jul-16 20:59:35

realname if I knew when the divorce would be done, and when the end point would be, I might feel that I could stay living here until then. H does not want to get divorced, I think he will drag his feet on it and I'll be here for months and months, if not years. If we agree to the financial separation, I feel that perhaps then I can move out, he stays here until the house is sold, the money is divided up and off.we go to our new lives. I don't feel the reality is going to work quite like that now though.

Minime85 Thu 14-Jul-16 21:01:18

I guess I'm thinking then why not sooner rather than later? Religion won't have gone away? I know breakups are not simple I'm not at all trying to trivialise. My husband left me and two dcs. I know what it is like. I would honestly not leave the house without some serious legal advice. He seems to be calling all the shots.

GoldenOrb Thu 14-Jul-16 21:14:15

Maybe leaving the house is demonstrating the only bit of control that I have. I do have a solicitor and will bring this up again with them, previously they didn't see too much of a problem with me moving out. I'm finding it a difficult line between trying to keep him onside and therefore hoping he will be more reasonable and looking like a complete mug. From what you have just said it seems the balance is looking more towards the latter just now.

Any rough ideas how long a divorce might take?

Minime85 Thu 14-Jul-16 21:42:11

I filed over two years ago now and was different then as was through courts. Now it's with the divorce centres. DP filed for his early January his year and was divorced absolute start of May. Nisi was 6 weeks before that.

GoldenOrb Thu 14-Jul-16 22:33:28

That makes me feel a bit better then. I thought it would take much longer. Presumably it might if he were to contest it.

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