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Possible to be try happy and content SINGLE?

(37 Posts)
gemsangels123 Wed 13-Jul-16 21:18:00

Anyone out there can honestly say this is true? Going back 5 years I thought absolute rubbish but now after lots of time alone and a long road of failed dating experience I'm thinking can I find 'contentment' alone?
I guess I'm asking is I actually want to and wondering how?

timelytess Wed 13-Jul-16 21:21:34

How old are you? I think if you're really, really old like me, its possible.

gemsangels123 Wed 13-Jul-16 21:22:40

Hmm what's really really old. I'm not a day over 90 😉
I'm 39

expatinscotland Wed 13-Jul-16 21:24:35

It's entirely possible at any age. Age has nothing to do with being happy and content on your own.

VoyageOfDad Wed 13-Jul-16 21:27:09

Being single gives you the space, with fewer distractions, to know your self better and to explore interesting things you might not have explored.

It makes friendships stronger too. Imho

Incognita82 Wed 13-Jul-16 21:34:29

God yes! Disclaimer: I am an old gimmer of 55. Single for 5 years now and the longer I am single the more I like it.

I have several women friends who are of the same view. Bright, attractive funny women who could no doubt have a relationship if they wanted one, but they don't.

So many advantages to being single it would be very boring to list them (but having my bedroom and bathroom to myself are very high up there - I love the perfection of having everything exactly how I want it).

I don't even think about looking for a relationship now because I don't want to break into my lifestyle. Any man who drops hints gets short shrift!

gemsangels123 Wed 13-Jul-16 21:39:30

Hmm thankyou 😊
Why am I so stupidly lonely. I don't want to feel I have to be with someone to be content but not sure how to be alone.

user1468439722 Wed 13-Jul-16 21:41:03

My sister has been single for more than ten years now and she's only 39, of course it's possible, it's just learning that you don't need a man to be happy..
Think a lot of people assume nowadays that a man is a necessity..
Good luck op
Hope u find happiness in whatever u do smile

RiceCrispieTreats Wed 13-Jul-16 21:46:44

My two cents: if you feel lonely and like something is missing, then you are probably not living your life as best you could.

Relationships don't bring fulfillment. It's filling your days with things that are meaningful to you; using your particular blend of talents in a rewarding way.

Your loneliness is a symptom that something isn't right, but the cure is not a romantic relationship. The cure is to use your time on this earth in the best possibly way for you.

Then you will feel content in or out of a romantic attachment.

I would consult a career or life coach before signing up to any dating websites.

Lorelei76 Wed 13-Jul-16 21:47:04

I'm 40 and I love being single
Ended last LTR at 37

I suppose you've got to be suited to it, I was never one to have much cross over with the life of a partner either, so I'd often end up annoying them
But I like to keep stuff separate so I never wanted them to be at my time with friends etc

Anyway, I think there's a lot of social conditioning but I also accept that some people just don't feel happy without company

Recently had a really sweet guy ask me out and I could see that coming so I pondered it but it was just pointless, when you like being alone you have to give up a lot to be in a relationship.

I'm much better at just being friends but often men don't want that, some actively take umbrage at being friend zoned or whatever the term is.

In terms of "how to be alone" I'd say just live your life!

gemsangels123 Wed 13-Jul-16 21:53:02

Wow inspiring g advice here, thankyou 😘

timelytess Wed 13-Jul-16 21:55:59

39? Sorry, you are way too young for 'contentment'. Get out there, get shagging and get happy.

timelytess Wed 13-Jul-16 21:56:46

Oh, and for the aloneness, get mindful. Takes your mind right off your troubles.

gemsangels123 Wed 13-Jul-16 22:04:21

Haha! Really? I've had enough of men and dating it's exhausting.

EmpressOfTheVaginaDentata Wed 13-Jul-16 22:06:37

Oh God yes. I'm 42, came out of an LTR just over two years ago & being single (and childfree) is utter heaven. I love spending time with family & friends but I never want to have a partner again.

Lorelei76 Wed 13-Jul-16 22:49:14

Timely, I don't see contentment and happiness as being terribly different?
It's much easier to enjoy the happy moments of life when you have general background content. I wouldn't want to be euphoric every day anyway. If I did I certainly wouldn't look to a bloke for it grin

Lorelei76 Wed 13-Jul-16 22:51:36

Gems, I never really dated, it does sound boring, expensive and exhausting.
Among my friends it worked for people who had a tick list though, especially those who wanted to meet those criteria and then have kids (I never wanted kids).

LanaorAna1 Wed 13-Jul-16 23:12:25

Yes. I love being single - there's a lot to recommend it, not least that many relationships are worse than being on your own. That is an uncharacteristically gloomy thing for me to say, but the older you get (48) the more you count your blessings.

The upsides are more time, more chances to get what you want out of life, and your money and home are yours to do as you like. Which is how it should be.

Mind you, I never wanted kids, which is the decider for most people.

There are downsides: I've just been in hospital in a rather unscheduled manner, and I would have killed for a cup of tea when I got home. The cat can't manage the kettle yet, however.

If you partner up with someone who's a good earner, you'll almost certainly have more money than I do. You always have someone to go on holiday with, too. And get a nicer bedroom when you get there. But the better bedroom's the only certainty - the rest are big 'only ifs'.

Lorelei76 Wed 13-Jul-16 23:22:12

Lan, sorry to hear you had an unscheduled hospital visit, I would totally have made you tea and hung around while you got back on your feet.

Perhaps one reason I love being single is my friends, who've been there through the unscheduled hospital visits and other stuff. Also my sister and cousin. It's pissed guys off feeling a bit like they had to share priority with other important people in my life but I am glad I was adamant about that.

ElllieB1 Thu 14-Jul-16 00:23:11

Relationships don't automatically make you happy if you're not happy before you start one. I think learning to be happy with yourself is so important, then you dont need a relationship and will be happy to be by yourself until the right person comes along. I'm in a relationship with myself right now and it's great, I think I might be the one 😉

Fontella Thu 14-Jul-16 09:11:22

I was single for 9 years almost to the month, and I was perfectly content. I wouldn't use the word 'happy' as such. I wasn't bouncing around with joy - but I grew to have a real contentment with my life and more importantly, with myself. I would get occasional 'pangs' - but that would usually be in connection to wanting to go somewhere or do something and having no-one to go with. I remember the first time I went to a concert on my own. I was dreading it, but in fact it was absolutely fine.

Throughout that 9 years I had no desire to seek out a relationship. I never did online dating, I never made any effort in real life to hook up with anyone, I never batted my eyelashes or flirted, and indeed when someone I know did show some interest, I thought about it very carefully and then didn't follow it up. I got to know myself properly, my strengths, my weaknesses, I got to enjoy my own company, got to relish the time I had to myself. I resigned myself to being single for the rest of my life and the prospect of it didn't upset me. I do have kids who still live at home but they are grown up and very much do their own thing, so much of my time was spent alone and I got to be very much at peace with that.

Then completely out of the blue - and I do mean that - I met someone and am currently very happy in a relationship with a lovely man who has also been single for a long time. I could never have predicted it, and still have to pinch myself that it is actually happening ... but indeed it is ... and my years of singledom I think, have made me appreciate so much more how enjoyable a good relationship with a decent bloke can be.

TheMorningAfterTheNightBefore Thu 14-Jul-16 09:36:33

I am content to be alone, but not happy. I don't feel that there are things I can't do because I don't have a partner. And I don't get left out, but I'm aware that on a camping trip of couples, I'm the one who does everything for my tent. Whilst in the other couples, one person is tending the bbq, whilst the other is doing salad or playing games with the children, or just relaxing with a beer and having a chat. Whereas I have to do them all. And, of course, someone will pitch in and do part of my load, but it's always someone else's partner, and not mine. Or my son.

I camp alone, I go to festivals alone, I go to the theatre and concerts alone, I go out for dinner alone, I stay home alone, go to new places alone... I have some lovely conversations with myself in my head and sometimes out loud but I carry a weight of loneliness with me.

Mine is very much tied up with never having been loved. I think that poem, "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" is very true.

I just don't want to reach the end of my life never having known what it is like to be loved.

1moreglassplease Thu 14-Jul-16 12:06:46

I'm 47 and I last dated at 40. I just got fed up with the guys I was meeting and the expectations that went with dating to be honest. Like a few people on here I never wanted children so never had a problem ending anything that didn't feel 'right' for me. I'm also OK with living on my own and enjoying my own company.

I've been hit on and flirted with numerous times (by quite a few married/attached men tbh) but my bullshit detector is now fully alert and I won't settle just for the sake of having a man in my life, which I've seen friends do, but I haven't completely shut the door on going out with someone if I felt that that was what I wanted again or I thought they were worth giving a shot to, BUT they will need to accept me fully as I really am.

Friends and family have sometimes struggled to understand at times but I'm very happy and I agree with what others have said about the importance of friendships.

As the saying goes, "it's better to travel alone than be badly accompanied".

FuckThisandThat Thu 14-Jul-16 12:59:10

What about sex though? I'm a still a baby at 30. I've been married and divorced, dated a nutter since then and am really very happy alone, concentrating on my career and becoming the best person I can be... but I NEED sex.

Fontella Thu 14-Jul-16 13:09:34

That's the weird thing - I never missed the sex. I kind of shut down is the only way I can describe it. It wasn't a big deal - I was more interested in earning a living, running a home, bringing up my kids and exploring my hobbies and interests.

I'm sure that occasionally I thought about it - but there's ways and means if you catch my drift wink but I just didn't miss a sexual relationship with a bloke at all. In fact, when I thought about it it actually gave me the shudders a bit - the thought of a bloke in my bed etc.

However ... I suppose it's like riding a horse - you never forget how. And let's just say after 9 years of celibacy - it's like I never got off the horse in the first place and I'm enjoying the ride!!


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