Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Tracking DH with find my iPhone, how accurate is it?(78 Posts)
So, I accidentally realised I'd got find my iphone set up on my ipad recently. DH away so out of interest I looked up where he was. For the last three nights he's been away on business his phone has tracked to the right city, but not to the location of the hotel he claims to be staying in. I've used google streetview to check out the locations where his phone is supposed to be, two have been completely residential and the other a multi-storey car park, all in different cities and all roughly a mile or two from the hotel, in different directions.
The car park would definitely have needed a car to get to, he didn't have his with him, and that night his phone tracked late evening to the hotel, then appeared in the car park for at least an hour around 4.30am, then back at the hotel breakfast time ish. I'm pretty sure he would have needed a lift or taxi to make the journey.
One of the other nights his iPad tracked to the hotel, but his phone to a location some distance away (it would have been a good walk or several stops on a bus) from at least 21.45 until 07.30 (I spoke to him at that point, he sounded perfectly normal). At 09.00 his phone and ipad were both at the hotel, then at his work location.
For background, and so as not to drip-feed, we've been together 30+ years, a couple of years ago I found out he'd shagged another woman - I had positive proof so he couldn't deny it - he said he'd got drunk and been chatting to her in a bar and one thing led to another, swore it was a one-off. Of course since then I've found it VERY difficult to trust him, and to believe that it really was a one-off, (lots of opportunity for it not to be), though I really try to because a) we don't have any other issues, I do love him, we get on well, good sex life etc., (I would have found it easier to understand him shagging someone else if he wasn't getting it at home, but he was/does), and b) the kids would be devastated if we split, I think it could do serious mental health damage to the eldest who's already a bit wobbly, even if we did it amicably. DH thinks I should just be able to accept it was a one-off, forget about it and move on, I was distraught at the time and have found it very difficult to do, but we have rebuilt things from that point and put it behind us, and have since made a lot more effort to get regular time just the two of us. If I ever mention it (I do, but rarely, not for several months at time, I can't remember when it last came up), he gets quite angry with me about it, he just doesn't 'get' that I can't just forget about it - as far as I'm concerned it happened, the one person in the world who I should be able to trust broke that trust, and as they say, you can't put the genie back in the bottle. No-one in RL knows about this.
Our other mobile devices are tracking to within 10 meters of where I know they are - so can I reasonably assume that what I'm seeing on find my iPhone is roughly correct? If I confront him about it and I'm wrong I think it will be terminal for us, for the reasons above, trust is already a little fragile, I really need to be 100% sure something is going on before I say/do anything. It doesn't look good, but I'm trying to keep an open mind at the moment, 30+ strong years and an otherwise good life, (I actually have friends who tell me DH is a rare example of a decent bloke, works hard, great with kids, housework etc), a lot is at stake. I've given the bank statement a good going over for any anomalies, but can't see any. Feeling really horrible that I suspect something may be amiss, not sleeping well and can't put it out of my mind. Any advice / suggestions please?
Well you need to do something or it'll drive you utterly mad.
I'm not sure what though, tell him you've been playing with the find my iPhone thingy while he's been away and see what his face says?
However saying all of that, if the trust has gone to this extent that you're tracking his movements doing your own head in I would say it's game over and discuss plans to split regardless of whether you bring this up or not.
if the trust has gone to this extent that you're tracking his movements doing your own head in I would say it's game over and discuss plans to split regardless of whether you bring this up or not.
Hmm - I use it as we've started letting DS walk home from primary school himself and I'm still at work over an hour away at this stage, and although there's a slight time lag it always shows me where he is, the issues are to do with delays in it updating rather than it showing wrong area.
The only time it's shown me the wrong area is when it's still showing at school as it hasn't yet updated to show he's on his way home IYGWIM? So, it just gets stuck on last location rather than showing a random, unvisited location a distance away.
Sorry OP but I think sadly there's mileage in your concerns
Is he away again tonight?
If so, can you drive to his hotel and call him from there? See if he claims to be in his room? If he says he is then tell him you're in the lobby to surprise him.
I just think that that way you will know if he's lying to you.
The suspicion is awful, isn't? While the 'catching him red handed' method is brutal (for you) it is quick and definitive, and means he can't lie or minimise.
Sometimes my DH is tracked to absolutely random places. When he goes to the gym he is often to be seen in the middle of the sea. When he gets his hair cut he looks like he is in the middle of some gardens. My DD often looks like she is in weird places too. If you don't get good 4G cover in places then it can show you as 'stuck' somewhere. I find it hilarious but then I trust my DH. I don't think it is a particularly sensitive tool where coverage is poor.
I wouldn't mention it yet, as he'll just turn it off. I know my H did when he was going somewhere with her.
Wait until you might have something more concrete to confront him with.
Does your DH always go on business trips to the same place OP?
With find my iPhone I find sometimes it shows random places - I will have my phone with me in the house and it shows me to be about half a mile away in a place I haven't been that day.
But if you are at the point where you are torturing yourself with the lack of knowledge it seems that your relationship isn't in the best way it could be.
if the trust has gone to this extent that you're tracking his movements doing your own head in I would say it's game over and discuss plans to split regardless of whether you bring this up or no <--This
Sorry OP but you have much larger problems than how accurate the find my iPhone app is
Trust is already a little fragile, while stalking him on iPhone apps aren't going to help trust issues
I think how accurate it is depends on what connection the iPhone is picking up, when I've checked my own map when places I've been in the middle of a big green field, and the sea.
There are clearly large problems in your relationship and you need to address those so talk to him!
I'm in agreement with Black. The only way that you're going to be satisfied is if you see if he's there with your own eyes.
Suspicion is horrible. It can drive you insane and throw your gut off. That said I would think find your iPhone is reasonably reliable. I've just logged in mine and it's pinpointed me to the exact location.
I'm sorry you're in this position. I can't give relationship advice but I can advise on the track my phone.
My dh used it to track me on a run recently so he and dd knew where I was to come and watch me. In central London they found me accurately 3 times over the course. Dh said it was really accurate (he text me at the end saying 'look to your right, apparently I'm right near you' and there he was!) but took a little bit of time to update occasionally.
He hugely betrayed you. Frankly, he should be reassuring you as many times as you needs as well as keeping up best open behaviour.
The fact that you are frightened to confront him about this tells so much.
You don't trust him. And with a great deal of justification.
If you seriously don't want to split, you need to accept that he lies and probably cheats then get on with it.
In al honesty, that I'd going to be the hardest path not just for you but in many ways for your dc. You need to ask yourself if living with a lying, stonewalling twat is really what you deserve. I doubt it.
It isn't 100 % reliable but you could track him again and if it pops up somewhere other than the hotel in the wee small hours call the hotel and ask to be put through to his room. If he answers you know the tracking is sticking if he doesn't ...then the tracking may be correct.
I am somebody who was "followed" on an App by an EX and then he turned up at my hotel as a "surprise" on my work conference and I can tell you that was the end for me I knew he was insecure but that was too fucking weird for me.
You either trust him or you don't OP, tacking him on the app doing you head in my guess is you don't trust him so as a couple you work on that or you split because without trust what have you got.
Please OP don't take people's advice about going to the hotel to spy. I am Absouletly gob smacked people even suggested it.
When I'm away on business I generally go our for dinner in the evenings rather than staying in the hotel. Is this not a possibility, particularly as it's showing a different location each night?
TBH if he's cheating while away on business I'd expect him to DTD in the comfort of his hotel room.
I think that the loss of trust, from previous infidelity, is the prime issue rather than querying whether the tracking is accurate.
Is he going away on business soon? Could you 'surprise' him at his hotel?
We are giving ds(12) more independence and it use now and again to see he's is where he said he'd be. ds(12) knows I check. I would never consider tracking my dh, it just wouldn't sit right with me especially if I was doing it covertly. If I felt the need to do this I think our relationship would already be on its last legs.
Whenever ds(12) goes to the cinema his phone shows up as in a residential house about 2 miles from where he is. Always the same house.
The car park mystifies me. Why go to a car park at 4:30 am?
And the residential locations... Are they the same ones or close to one another?
That others have been located in the middle of the ocean makes me wonder if it's just a glitch. But if it's always accurate for the times when you know where he is, that's worrying.
bombay Makes a point I also always for out different places for dinner when away with work as work are paying
He shouldn't be getting angry with you for mentioning the ons that's crappy, blokes who do this are so self centred that they can not see how much there actions are hurting you, how dare he get angry. You are the one who is entitled to be angry. Please dont stay in a marriage which is making you miserable just for the sake of the children. I wish someone had slapped me across the face to make me realize this years ago.
He has no right at all to complain when you mention the fact he and a one night stand.
Seems you're scared to confront in case it means your relationship is over but that's no way to live.
Join the discussion
Please login first.