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Husband lied about something stupid but has left me feeling disconcerted

(13 Posts)
CalamariCalamity Wed 13-Jul-16 11:12:12

Have been with DH for 18 years, married 13 of those. Have two DC aged 3 years and 3 months. We are both 40.

On the whole we have a good relationship although there are a lot of things that frustrate me. He contributes equally to household chores and parenting so no issues there at all - if anything he does more than me and makes sure I get free time to go to the gym etc.

A few times he has lied to friends about stupid things that didn't warrant a lie. Then last night he lied to me.

We were watching a film and he asked what had happened to a main character. I said he had died and he had probably missed it as he was on his phone (which I had no issue with, I do the same if I'm not that into a film).

He then said "a friend sent me a text and distracted me". The thing is, he always says who sent him a text and never just "a friend". Even if I don't know the person he would say "Sally from work" or "Bob from football". I don't normally ask or care but he seemed very cagey so asked who and he said "Tim" but was acting odd and when he went to get a drink I checked his phone and the last person to text him had been me that morning (Tim hadn't sent a text for several days).

When he came back in I asked why he lied and he said it was because he was checking football results and he didn't want to say in case I moaned about him not watching the film.

But in 18 years I've never, ever moaned or passed comment on him looking at sport or anything else on his phone while we've been watching a film, or even checking results at restaurants! Never!

I just don't understand why he would lie. I know 100% he isn't having an affair, isn't on dating sites or anything else. I just don't get why he lied or why it makes me feel so disconcerted.

FetchezLaVache Wed 13-Jul-16 11:16:46

I think you need to trust your instincts that this is out of character. Could he have been preoccupied with a message that was definitely not from someone called Tim and deleted it from his phone before he went to get a drink?

DeathStare Wed 13-Jul-16 11:18:02

Last night? What football was on for him to check last night?

WannaBe Wed 13-Jul-16 11:20:43

No football on last night.

DiamondInTheRuff Wed 13-Jul-16 11:22:17

Could it be that he's organising something nice for you? Weekend away maybe? Any birthdays or anniversaries coming up?

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Wed 13-Jul-16 11:26:01

I would think that someone else had text him and he had deleted the text.

Although, I probably should disclose the fact that my DH spent 5 weeks from December 2015 to January 2016 sexting a woman he works with. This may be why I would immediately jump to that conclusion!

I also had a gut instinct that something was wrong - although there was no concrete evidence until later on. We had been together 20 years & married for 18 at the time. I think I just knew him so well that little changes in behaviour are noticeable.

toopeoply Wed 13-Jul-16 11:28:51

Celtic match last night. Have you asked him why he lied? Or thought you might moan about him watching the football? My partner has done silly things like this. He says he panics and then tells a white lie. But he's so obvious I question him and then he tells the truth anyway! Pointless confused

loveyoutothemoon Wed 13-Jul-16 11:29:24

That on it's on wouldn't make me suspicious.

CalamariCalamity Wed 13-Jul-16 11:31:29

He said it was a shock defeat for Celtic and it had grabbed his attention - I checked and that was a game last night.

He definitely wouldn't be arranging something nice for me (just had birthday and anniversary).

I don't think there was a text as I didn't hear his phone vibrate so I do think he was looking at football. I just don't get why he lied.

I was looking at his phone a few weeks ago (mine was flat and I needed to look up a phone number, he handed it to me) when an incoming text came in to ask if I was feeling better as he had told friends I was sick (I wasn't) to get out of meeting for drinks but the reason he couldn't go was because we had a family event on. I don't know why he lied about that when there was a genuine reason for not being able to go?

AnythingGoesWithMe Wed 13-Jul-16 11:44:40

My DH tells lies as well. Similar to yours, there can be a genuine reason not to go to an event but he'll invent a stupid pointless lie instead of just telling the truth.
Equally he'll be on facebook but say he's looking at the football. It's weird.

5tardusty Wed 13-Jul-16 11:58:31

There was a long running thread on here a little while ago about times you have said something stupid for no reason. E.g saying you can't come on a works night out because your (non existent) dog is ill, then having to pretend you have a dog forever more.
Or if someone gets your name wrong and youre too embarrassed to tell them so it goes on and on.

It could just be that.

HappyJanuary Wed 13-Jul-16 12:58:21

Has he got messaging apps like whatsapp or snapchat? He could've been sending/receiving messages that way

MegFlyAway Wed 13-Jul-16 13:22:38

My H used to tell lies just like too. Pointless white lies. I always asked him why he did it over the 10 years we were together.

Then he began texting a woman from work for months. He deleted texts. I now know to trust my instincts! So he could be being honest, but because of what I've been through I'd be wondering why the need to lie.

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