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Abusive ex (I think)

(7 Posts)
Diamonddealeroncemore Tue 12-Jul-16 13:59:58

This is my first MN thread but I really need some advice, if anyone can help.

I am divorced from my ex, I divorced him because of DV and emotional abuse and he has continued to do anything he can to upset the apple barrel so to speak. I have a residence order, and he has 'normal' contact order, alternate weekends and half school hols. The residence order states that he must ask if he wants to take our child out of the country, I can take him out for up to 28 days without needing permission.

Five years ago, ex did not return our son after Christmas contact and I had to get an enforcement order and drive to where he was living to collect our son, the contact order was tightened up but not massively changed.

This school hols, ex wants to take DS abroad, he asked for the details of the passport. I happen to know because DS told me that ex has moved from the south coast to London so I told ex I wont hand over the passport without knowing his home address (he has never even told me he moved last year, let alone where he lives) because if I had to get another enforcement order I would have no idea where to start looking for him.

He has gone mental. He told me his address last night, then this lunchtime he has sent a text telling me that further to my threats yesterday (that I wont hand over DS and his passport without knowing where ex now lives) I have to confirm I will be handing over the passport with DS in the summer hols and that I will always send the passport every holiday without asking for any other information.

This is completely against what my residence order says, and I do not think it is a threat to want to know where he lives when he has my DS and his passport, given that he has previously not returned DS, it feels like it is just more of the same emotional abuse that I put up with during the marriage, anything I say that is perfectly sensible is turned round so that he is the victim, being threatened and I have to agree to his demands. I havent replied to the text but it will just be followed up with more of the same. I feel physically sick, knowing the abuse that is going to ramp up, DS is only 11 I have another 7 years of this to put up with.

bluecashmere Tue 12-Jul-16 14:40:02

Of course you should be allowed to know where he lives. And he can't tell you to give the passport without asking questions as that isn't what the court order states. You don't have to do anything or than what is stated in the order. You don't have to agree to his demands. He has to comply with the order. Easier said than done but don't let him get to you. He can make all the threats he wants but if he acts on them he is putting himself in a worse position and strengthening yours. Is he that stupid? He's having exactly the effect he wants at the moment. Don't let him. And don't respond.

AstrantiaMallow Tue 12-Jul-16 14:45:23

I can't advise, but I'm having similar with my ex husband at the moment. It's horrible. flowers

Do you have a solicitor? It may be an idea to post in Legal also for legal advice if need be.

educatingarti Tue 12-Jul-16 14:52:13

I would just reply " I intend to comply with the terms of the residence order. You need to do this too. Copies of all emails are being forwarded to my solicitor."

Then just ignore future emails, but keep a copy in case you need them for evidence later.

Diamonddealeroncemore Tue 12-Jul-16 15:32:57

Thank you peeps. I am going to just tell him that I am complying with the residence order. The trouble is then he sends text after text great long abusive rants, I have said previously I will go to the police because its harassment but have never carried it out but I am just about at the end of my tether I thought the bullying would end with the marriage, but it just goes on and on.

educatingarti Tue 12-Jul-16 17:16:22

Have you got a friend you could just forward them to without reading them. They could maybe print them out or storevthem electronically so you have evidence if you decide to go to the police.

Hissy Tue 12-Jul-16 17:38:37

I think you must report him. If nothing else other than to protect your DC.

You must reduce dc exposure to this abuser, by any and all means possible. If he's too toxic for you, what chance do DC have?

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