Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.


(10 Posts)
TheBiscuitStrikesBack Tue 12-Jul-16 08:25:00

My DH and I have been married for 5 years and have 2 children, DS1 is 4 and DS2 is 8 weeks.

During the week an resentment I was feeling came to a head and we had a "discussion" about how I felt invisible to him as a person in my own right and could be anyone, so long as what I do day to day was being done. I don't think he really understood what I meant but promised he would take more time to consider me and generally try and be a bit more attentive.

Don't get me wrong, he is an amazing dad and takes his fair share of childcare when he gets home from work (if off on Mat leave just now). It's silly things that niggle such as me asking him to make sure he does his dishes (his one household chore) before bed and he doesn't. So I come down during the night or in the morning with the baby to a stack of dishes. I can't sit all day and look at them so end up doing them.

Anyway, after having the discussion last week that he would try harder to appreciate/really see me. Yesterday he forgot my birthday. I didn't expect gifts, we're skint with only his wages coming in, but a "happy birthday" would have been nice, or even getting up at half 6 and feeding the baby so I could get a half hour lie in before the big one woke.

I don't know if I'm blowing this out of proportion, or what I can say to get him to understand how much of an afterthought in his life I feel. Like a glorified housemaid, or his mother or something.

TheBiscuitStrikesBack Tue 12-Jul-16 08:26:12

Horrible spelling and grammar in there. Sorry.

rumred Tue 12-Jul-16 09:10:03

Why didn't he celebrate your birthday? That's pretty shitty.

Could you change chores? Or is there more to it?

rumred Tue 12-Jul-16 09:10:37

Oh and happy birthday for yesterday x

TheBiscuitStrikesBack Tue 12-Jul-16 11:23:12

I'm not sure if he just forgot or didn't think he needed to bother.

The dishes were just an example of him not paying attention to what I ask him to do, and generally just seeming to not listen.

bluecashmere Tue 12-Jul-16 12:23:45

Forgetting your birthday is not on. You haven't given much information but clearly you aren't happy. You don't mention love. Do you feel loved? Do you love him?

adora1 Tue 12-Jul-16 14:14:09

Not on, a relationship takes effort, kindness and thought, he's displaying none of them, even after your chat, just not good enough OP, I'd be upset and resentful too, I mean what's the point if you are not a team, equal and supportive of each other.

He sounds completely selfish, looking after your OWN child is no biggie, fed up reading on here how husband helped with baby, it's his fucken child too is it not, so in answer to your question, your husband is not pulling his weight, either domestically or emotionally. Time for another talk.

adora1 Tue 12-Jul-16 14:31:30

Sorry OP, not having a go, just fed up reading so many threads where men are praised as hero's for looking after their own kids, I get that you were just explaining your situation.

ChicRock Tue 12-Jul-16 14:34:35

So when you said to him - "hey, aren't you going to wish me a happy birthday?" - what was his response?

adora1 Tue 12-Jul-16 14:37:10

And why when you have a baby does he have only ONE household chore, that's a joke for a start, regardless of your birthday.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now