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Abuse I watched murdered by my boyfriend I'm in it

(115 Posts)
broken16 Mon 11-Jul-16 20:57:04

I sat and watched this the other night ironically with my boyfriend and he talked through it saying how much of a nutcase the man in it was and I watched it thinking how much he is like him.
When he's happy I'm allowed to be when he's unhappy I have to be unhappy too.
I have to send evidence of my where abouts answer my phone on the first ring or I get questioned over and over .
He doesn't hit me but the emotional abuse is draining day after day. I left him some months ago and he did the exact same routine the man on the programme did even proposing to me promising he would change blah blah it's worse than before nothing's changed.
I feel so stupid three years for me now I feel I will never break away.
He calls me stupid and tells me I don't think accused me of stealing from him out of his wallet and stares at me waiting for me to confess to something I didn't do.
Nothing I say nothing I do matters I do everything but it's never enough I try to be like him and be nasty and stand up to him nothing works.
I can't leave again it took all my strength last time silly silly me :-(

EightNoineTen Mon 11-Jul-16 20:58:42

You're not silly. Do you have anyone irl who knows what he is like or anyone who you feel comfortable talking to? You should not have to live like this. Xx

broken16 Mon 11-Jul-16 21:00:33

Since I left him he has got worse he isn't even pretending anymore . He had a rant at me earlier because I lost the remote said there's always a drama stormed upstairs and refused to speak to me.
I walk on egg shells everyday of my life I'm a nervous wreck of a person im scared of him .
He proceeded to tell me see some men are so jealous and they hit women at least I don't hit you like I'm
Meant to be grateful.
I was the best thing since sliced bread three months ago now how they change

RedMapleLeaf Mon 11-Jul-16 21:01:49

We are stronger than we think flowers

0dfod Mon 11-Jul-16 21:02:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EightNoineTen Mon 11-Jul-16 21:02:24

The good news is you know how he behaves is wrong. I think he will only get worse from here.

HairySubject Mon 11-Jul-16 21:03:36

Do you have children together? Can you leave safely?

At least you are seeing him for what he is, that is the first step. Even if you are not ready to leave yet at least you know it is him and not you.

FreakinScaryCaaw Mon 11-Jul-16 21:04:54

Do you have dcs?

You know it's an abusive relationship. There's help out there nowadays. Much more than there was years ago. Gps help too if you can confide in yours?

broken16 Mon 11-Jul-16 21:08:24

I've got children he's been there since my youngest was a baby. We haven't got any together but he says he wants one but I have not stopped using contraception I don't want a child with him I thankfully make excuses about work or waiting until my youngest is at school it's working so far.
I can't tell my parents how bad it is I'm ashamed and he acts so nice infront of them my mom knows a bit from the last time I left him but even she said he may change this time and I've put on an act pretending everything is good but it's not it's worse.

Colabottle10 Mon 11-Jul-16 21:10:46

Good god. Stop wasting your life and leave the fucker.

Friendofsadgirl Mon 11-Jul-16 21:12:06

Please phone Women's Aid and get some support.
You left him once, you can do it again.

PurpleThursday Mon 11-Jul-16 21:13:13

Life is too short. If you don't have the strength to leave for yourself you MUST leave for your children. How can you let them grow up thinking this is how women should be treated? If you have a daughter she could end up like you, if you have a son he could end up behaving just like him to some poor woman. You know deep down this can't go on. Please start making steps to move out/get away.

FreakinScaryCaaw Mon 11-Jul-16 21:14:31

I feel so sad for your dcs. My father was abusive to my DM and I had to walk on eggshells. It will affect them.

fryingtoday Mon 11-Jul-16 21:15:24

Reach out to refuge. From experience I know they are fantastic.

Hissy Mon 11-Jul-16 21:19:22

You've seen your future on the telly.

You have children. You need to get yourself out again.

It takes on average 8 attempts for a victim to leave. Yes it's hard, but you know the alternative is to leave your DC without a mum

Let this be the wake up call you need. How can we help support you?

broken16 Mon 11-Jul-16 21:20:35

It's not like I haven't tried he harassed me last time to the point of having him back in the end.
Unless you have been there it's v.hard to describe I watched that programme and it just hit me how so bad he is and that's it got to this point.
My mom is moving out of town in five months to the coast I haven't said anything but I'm thinking to ask if I can go at the last minute and lending money for a deposit for a house there.

broken16 Mon 11-Jul-16 21:22:37

He makes me take pics of my whereabouts etc show him my call log and other ridiculous requests and I do it for a quiet life when I get home tbh.
He's going away in a few wks for a stag wkend I coild do something then but I'm scared I don't know what to do

AnyFucker Mon 11-Jul-16 21:25:24

Tell your mum everything. Never mind feeling embarrassed. The girl in the drama...she pretended to the outside world everything was OK and look how that turned out.

There is no room now for regret and have to act.

RandomMess Mon 11-Jul-16 21:26:16

Speak to womansaid you could go to a refuge and from there to the new area your Mum is moving to?

CalleighDoodle Mon 11-Jul-16 21:26:40

Is there a reason you cant move there before your mum?

ohtheholidays Mon 11-Jul-16 21:29:21

Yes you can leave and you need to do it now before he does the unthinkable OP and leaves your DC without a Mum!

I did it and I was married to my abuser,I'd been with him for 9 years,I met him when I was only 16 and we had 2 small DC.Ending that marriage was the best thing I ever did.
If I hadn't ended it I wouldn't be here now,he would have ended up killing me or I could have ended up taking my own life.

Anyone that cares about you,anyone that loves you and the law are all on your side.He won't change ever he's shown you that,he will just get worse and worse OP.
If you can't do it for yourself you must do it for your DC,don't let them grow up thinking this is what a normal loving relationship is like.

LumpySpacedPrincess Mon 11-Jul-16 21:30:26

Yep, start talking, it has an almost immediate effect on the situation. It makes you identify the problem instead of protecting the problem.

DrLockhart Mon 11-Jul-16 21:34:48

You have options here OP, stop making excuses and speak to your mum.

Do you want to be the person who got out of the emotionally abusive relationship that will make her unhappy forever; or the person who found the strength and fought for a happy life?

Tell your mum everything (show her this thread?) and plan you leaving to live with her or get your own place.

Have you got savings? Access to joint money?

adapt Mon 11-Jul-16 21:39:53

Please leave, however hard. He needs you more than you need him. He needs to berate you and make you feel stupid so that he can feel better about himself. Don't let him. Leave before he starts on your kids...

HarryPottersMagicWand Mon 11-Jul-16 21:43:31

I saw that programme and it was one of the worse things I have ever seen. That poor poor woman.

If my DD was in your situation, I would not care how she came to me. I would want her to tell me everything and I would do everything in my power to help her. Don't pretend to the outside world. You've seen the programme. You know how it ends up. She did exactly the same as you are, there is no reason your bf will not do the same. As I recall, he didn't hit her for a while.

You got away once. You can do it again. You have family. Go to them and tell them, no hold barred. Phone woman's aid. This is no environment for your DCs to be in. Get them and yourself put of it. Please don't end up like the woman in the programme. There is no reason to think he won't escalate his behaviour if he thinks you have gone against him. Imagine how Ashley's daughter will feel growing g up, just wishing her mum had got away. You still can.

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