I'm aware this will make me sound shallow. We've been together for 20 years, no children, one dog, one cat.
I'm pretty sure I don't love him anymore. He's so gloomy and negative and fussy and moody and snappy. God, so fussy and gloomy - they're the worse things.
And it's got so much worse the older he gets. His Dad is appalling: moody, childish, never relaxes, never spends time with my MIL, always finding jobs to do on the house. He will go weeks not talking to my MIL and she never has a clue why, he just goes in random moods. My husband isn't that bad, nowhere near, but I can see traces of his Dad in his behaviour. What if we retire and my life ends up like that?
We both currently still work full time, but will retire in about ten years. The thought of almost 24/7 with this gloomy, negative, fussy man, getting worse as he gets older, is making me dread retirement. We have such a good life as well - I just don't understand how he can be so negative and gloomy and so sodding ungrateful for his lovely life.
Obviously he does have a good side and many good points or I wouldn't have stayed with him so long.
I love being with him on holidays, days out, evenings out, dog walks. The nice stuff, away from real life - he's great, I love his company then. He's relaxed, nice, always in a good mood.
I can't see myself being with him for the rest of my life. I'm not the least bit bothered about living on my own or never being in another relationship again.
But what does bother me is having no one to do things with. I don't have many friends. Actually, I only have one very good close friend - she's married with children though, so nights out with her are few and far between - maybe one every few months.
There is no one I could go on holiday with. I love the holidays my husband and I have. But they are very much 'couply' holidays and I can't see me going solo without feeling incredibly self conscious and lonely. And I'm too old for these social-type singles holidays. I like to tour, see sites, or lounge around reading, and have early nights. The thought of making an effort with strangers, making conversation and so on, on these solo-type holidays doesn't appeal to me. By the same token, the thought of sitting on my own in a restaurant on holiday surrounded by couples makes me want to cry with loneliness.
There is no one I could go to the cinema with. Or for meals with. Husband and I go for meals out all the time.
I'd really really miss all these things. And I know it's really shallow of me and they're not reasons to stay with someone I'm not in love with anymore.
Has anyone else managed to replace any of these things? Someone who hasn't necessarily met anyone else, stayed single, hasn't got many friends?
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Do you ever want to leave but worry about the things you'd be giving up?
13 replies
SadieDunhill · 11/07/2016 11:28
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