My husband and I have had a big row today and I am really looking for some perspective on what is normal in relationships.
My DH works full time in highly paid, stressful position. He earns over double than I do. I work in a management role but 4 days a week and I have a pretty flexible company when it comes to leaving early to pick up DC, staying at home when she is sick etc.
Husband's responsibilities at home are: doing the accounts, taking DC to nursery most mornings, booking flights and accommodation when we travel (I too spend time looking into this but he always seems to find the best options) and he occasionally takes the bins out.
My responsibilities at home are: cooking all meals, doing all the shopping, picking DC up from nursery, washing and ironing, tidying up, collecting dry cleaning, organising a cleaner, cleaning in between the cleaner's visits and managing our health insurance (we are abroad and it's a lot of paperwork!).
Last week I had an unexpected visitor which was great but it meant I wasn't really on top of things. We went out for dinner a few times and also had a few take aways. This weekend I have also been quite busy and I had a friend's birthday event to attend all afternoon and evening yesterday.
Yesterday the fridge was pretty bare so I did an online shop which arrives tomorrow. I didn't have time to go shopping as we had an appointment in the morning. We still had breakfast stuff and drinks etc. and I managed to rustle up a salad for lunch. However, my husband has been in an absolutely awful mood with me today. It started off when there wasn't any bread (but we did have croissants and yoghurts etc.), then escalated when there was only salad for lunch and finally exploded when he a. noticed my paperwork and b. his shampoo ran out.
I spoke to him about it and he said he was indeed in a bad mood because he is fed up with me not pulling my weight at home. He was pissed off that I was out yesterday and there wasn't much in the fridge. He says he does his part of the deal which is earning XXX and I need to do my part of the deal which is keeping on top of things at home. He said I should realise how comfortable I am to be able to go out for dinner when I want and that I need to understand that it's thanks to his hard work and I need to reflect that at home.
I take some of his points on board; I can imagine it's frustrating to have an empty fridge etc. but should I really be doing ALL the domestic tasks when I work too? Yes we pay for a cleaner etc. but there is obviously a lot else to manage. I did suggest he went shopping but he just told me that it's not down to him. And I know I am disorganised so it must be annoying for him to see all my paperwork piling up, but I do sort it out, it just takes a while.
Sorry for the long post but I just wonder if I have got my priorities mixed up or whether he is being over demanding.
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Relationships
Who does what at home? DH high earner and I am left to manage everything...
joliepapillon · 10/07/2016 20:23
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