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I don't know what to do anymore...(11 Posts)
Just looking for a bit of advice... I currently live with my partner and 5 year old daughter and we are just waiting on a moving date as we are moving to live by the seaside! Everything has been amazing since day one, we have been so excited about our new adventure to come and to expand our little family by the sea... until recently! Over the past few weeks my partner has been so difficult to be around. His tempter is incredibly short, he snaps - even when they're isn't anything to snap about, he loses his patience way too quickly with our daughter and it seems she can't do anything without him telling her she has done something wrong - and it is the same with me. He can never be in the wrong, and if he starts having one of his 'moments' - he will change the story to make sure the blame lies on somebody else. He struggles with apologies, even when he knows he has done something to be sorry for - he still won't do it, but will expect others (mainly me) to apologise for things he has said and done. He genuinely believes everyone is in the wrong all the time - and it is driving me insane. I am tired of apologising for things he has done, for accepting I am wrong when he wants me to and for watching him lose his temper too quickly with our daughter and myself. I have tried to sit down and have a relaxed talk with him a good few times now and I get absolutely nowhere as he just tells me how in the wrong I am and how disrespectful I am for not accepting whatever he has to say. I have told him he is pushing me away and I won't be able to put up with it much longer but it doesn't seem to phase him one bit.
He has been the most amazing partner & best friend I have ever had, it has been rare for us to fall out through all the years we have spent together, which is why I am confused by who he has become recently. I don't want to leave him because we have so much to look forward to with the move and I couldn't imagine doing it with anyone else. I don't t think it is stress due to the move as we are in a good place at the moment with finances & help with the move etc.. Does anyone have any idea how I can help him see what hurt he is causing? help him realise what his behaviour is like at this moment? My talks don't seem to get us anywhere
Sorry for rambling. xx
If it was a really abrupt change in personality that came on very quickly I think first port of call should perhaps be the GP. Do you think he would go?
A sudden change in behaviour usually means that there is something wrong.
I read your post and it all sounds idyllic. I am lucky enough to have lived by the sea in Cornwall & now Devon all my life. I can understand your vision for the future and hope that it all works out for you.
However, I'm wondering what was it that made you decide to move?
Somerville makes a good point regarding seeing the GP.
Ill health can really impact a relationship. However...... sorry OP...... guilt, justification of wrongdoing or even just having your head turned by an attractive ow/om can have a huge effect on the way you view your marriage. I may be over influenced by my own history as this was exactly how my exH behaved when he was having his seedy affair.
I hope things improve for you. How close are you to moving?
A relationship should be judged on how it is when at its worst, not how it is at its best.
My Ex was the same towards me and DC when cheating but I am aware there are more than one reasons for change of behaviour of course.
Thank you for your replies! (I have changed my username.. I am new to mumsnet and only just figured out how to do this!)
I haven't mentioned the GP to him...I can't believe I didn't think of that! I think he would be reluctant to go, but with a few pushes I think I could get him there!
We are moving to Anglesey (Not as beautiful as Devon I must add! ) All his family live down there and we have pretty much both grown up over there too due to holiday homes! We have wanted to do it for a while and have both been so excited about finally moving over!
We are just awaiting a few things but our solicitor thinks the move will be the beginning of August.
I did wonder about an affair - I never go through his phone etc as I have never felt the need too. But I don't think he would have time as he works and comes home and as much as his behaviour towards me is awful at the moment - he never wants to be away from me. He is near enough glued to my hip! He gets down when I want to go out shopping or to see friends, I try and encourage him to go out but he won't - and whenever he does go out to see friends, he begs me to come along too which is another point that has confused me!
I think I am going to brave the GP talk tonight! x
Sounds like classic symptoms of depression to me - you're right to contact your GP urgently.
Anglesea sounds terrific. Much more like my beloved Cornwall than Devon .
But jobs in Cornwall tend to be seasonal so I'm an economic migrant to Devon. I live in hope that I will be able to return to my homeland over the Tamar.
Good luck Hun.
Well done for changing your username - this usernumbers thing gets confusing for everyone when people don't.
Hope discussion about GP went/goes well.
I know what others are saying about affairs and the like affecting relationship dynamics, but I think it's worth ruling out (or in) medical issues before considering that, because of how abruptly he changed.
Since it seems that there is family support, it also would be worth discussing his recent changes with his family. There might be family medical history or something emotional that they can think of.
I have depression, I don't behave like this at all!
He sounds like a typical abusive arse. Nice at first, reels you in seeming to be the perfect man, then once you're invested he starts seeing how much of a git he can get away with being, and grinds you down until he can get worse and worse.
How long have you been together?
Is your dd his?
How long has he been like this?
Did this all start once you had set up the move (i.e. once you were kind of trapped - or at least had something desirable to lose if you didn't put up with his bullshit)? Or was there another 'trigger'?
He doesn't want to move? Maybe he's having second thoughts about making a big change in his life.
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