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Would you tolerate this?

(47 Posts)
Ellarose85 Sun 10-Jul-16 07:47:09

Just wanted to check that my hormones aren't getting the better of me and in fact I do deserve better than an utter arsehole DH.

I'm currently heavily pregnant, totally fed up, housebound and in a lot of pain with a 1 year old to look after. DH wanted me to stay at MILs this weekend so he could get some jobs done at the house but I said I would rather I stayed at home as I could go into labour any day, just want my home comforts right now and don't have to put on any airs and graces around his family when I'm feeling so shit and fed up. His response to this was to call me a cunt in front of DS this morning which I found disgusting and just shows his lack of respect for me.

Am I overreacting by telling him it's over? I know he will say he wants to stay together and be a family but I don't want my kids growing up around parents who don't paticually like each other and a father who thinks it's okay to call their mum a cunt.

I've had a feeling that this was coming so I have all my ducks in a row ready to leave him and raise the children on my own.

category12 Sun 10-Jul-16 07:55:53

Sounds like the last straw.

No I wouldn't tolerate that kind of verbal abuse.

Fairylea Sun 10-Jul-16 07:58:27

He's abusive. Calling you names is not acceptable.

What on earth was so important that he needs you to leave the house so he can do it?!

No way would I be going to mils.

dungandbother Sun 10-Jul-16 07:59:11

You poor love
Don't wait for a last straw or last event that gives you permission to leave him.

You don't need such a reason. His ongoing disrespect is all you need. So leave whenever you want

Paddingtonthebear Sun 10-Jul-16 07:59:36

No way would I tolerate that

marmiteloversunite Sun 10-Jul-16 07:59:59

I think that is a disgusting thing to call anyone, especially someone who you are in a relationship with. Sorry you are having to deal with this at such a time.

ClaireVoyante Sun 10-Jul-16 08:02:52

No. You are not overreacting. He should be concerned for you and doing anything possible to make you comfortable and safe.

If you have made arrangements then I guess this is not the first time he's behaved this way? flowers

Dutchcourage Sun 10-Jul-16 08:03:30

That's horrible.

I think you need to start thinking very carefully about how your children will feel when they get older and hear their father calling their mother a cunt.

I'm 24 weeks pregnant and quiet hormonal so get upset over slight things but this is such a derogatory and agressive way to speak to you, what will happen next if you don't do anything about it? flowers

Howmuchisthatdoggyinthewindow Sun 10-Jul-16 08:04:10

Nope you are quite right.
100% right

there is no excuse whatsoever or him bein verbally abusive to you at all.
The icing on the cake being he did it in front of your DS.

Oh and fwiw I think entirely reasonable you want to be home and he should be offering to run round and take care of you and understand why being at his mums would not be your idea of heaven.

He sounds horrible.

Bless you for having to deal with this in late pregnancy but yes leave (or tell him to ideally) as you will most certainly be better off without him.

Hope your new baby arrives safely.
Do you have other support?

Joysmum Sun 10-Jul-16 08:04:57

He was wrong to call you a cunt.

I can understand he wants to get some jobs done before the baby arrives and would feel under pressure with that. I can understand he thought he was doing right by saying to go to his mums where you'd have help with your 1 year old.

On its own I wouldn't say it's worth leaving over as I can see things from both sides. However there's clearly massive back story to this otherwise you wouldn't have suspected it wasn't working out and already have all your ducks in a row.

bloodymaria Sun 10-Jul-16 08:05:09

No, I wouldn't tolerate that.

And yes, he's an utter arsehole.

VioletBam Sun 10-Jul-16 08:05:36

Dutch she obviously has done some careful thinking already. She's ready to leave. OP...leave. Now. Don't stand for the stress of this a MOMENT longer.

You're pregnant and stress is not good for you at all. Is it your house though? Rented? Owned? HE should be the one to move out.

LadyStarkOfWinterfell Sun 10-Jul-16 08:06:17

You don't particularly like each other?
No, you're right, that's not a good environment to raise children in:

Hassled Sun 10-Jul-16 08:08:28

I take it this is the latest in a long line of swearing at you/generally being a dick, so if it's the tipping point you need to go, then go. The MIL is presumably quite close - would he go to hers for the time being?

Ellarose85 Sun 10-Jul-16 08:13:41

Thank you for everyone's responses.

My mum will help me out as much as she can, I'm sure his mum will help too. She is a lovely woman.

I know I've not been easy to live with especially the last few days but I don't deserve how he treats me sometimes and makes me feel.

claire one of the last times he behaved like this was when I was about this far pregnant with DS and he kept going out until all hours/following day so I wasn't getting a lot of rest as I can't sleep until I know he is home and well so I went into labour completely shattered and my body just gave up leading to a lot of complications and me nearly dying - something that I've probably bottled up and held him responsible for. I also suffered with PND after DS which I think impacted on our relationship massively then I fell pregnant completely unplanned when DS was 3 months old so it's been a tough old slog for us both which could either make or break a couple, unfortunatly I think it has broken us.

Ellarose85 Sun 10-Jul-16 08:15:15

He owns the house and has said he will go to his mums until I can get my own place.

Two4601 Sun 10-Jul-16 08:16:50

It won't end there. I used to put up with ExH calling me a cunt all the time. I left the day 5 year old DD called me a cunt and haven't looked back. They pick up on what they hear a lot more than you realise.

ClaireVoyante Sun 10-Jul-16 08:24:38

I think it is very telling when someone behaves badly at a time when you most need their support. sad

Lean on family and friends and ask him to leave. You deserve better but most importantly you really do need to take good care of yourself.

user1466282058 Sun 10-Jul-16 08:31:32

I put up with emotional and financial abuse for 6 months, I finally got him arrested when he smashed the house up and shoved me swearing and shouting in front of our 10 month old. You want to believe things will be ok everyone wants a happy family but the abuse will only escalate and get worse. It's a long road of uncertainty but I'm certain I have done the right things for my son and that's all that matters to me.
Good luck to you. I hope you have the support you need.
A few useful resources I've used
Step change- a charity that helps you with your finances and budgeting
Fair mortgages- free impartial advice that have access to 50 different lenders
Domestic abuse helpline - 0808 2000 247
Citizens advice

Mamia15 Sun 10-Jul-16 08:44:05

As you are married, the house is half yours.

VioletBam Sun 10-Jul-16 08:51:10

Yes...if you are married, you own half the house.

WibblyWobblyJellyHead Sun 10-Jul-16 08:54:33

Agree that if you are married you own half the house. Don't leave, it's your children's home. He should leave and go to his parents.

Ellarose85 Sun 10-Jul-16 10:02:49

Well I've asked him to leave and been screamed at. It's my fault because I moan all the time apparently. I can't see him going easily and I have no where else to go.

VioletBam Sun 10-Jul-16 10:07:55

If he screams at you and refuses to leave, then call the police. Get your child out of the house first...then tell him he's going. He can stay at his Mothers while the house is sold and the proceeds split.

FantasticButtocks Sun 10-Jul-16 10:13:27

No I wouldn't tolerate that sort of behaviour. He sounds vile.

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