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DH and Drugs

(37 Posts)
helpmedotherightthingagain Sun 10-Jul-16 07:37:46

Found out that my DH is smoking Heroin. Again. He says that he is doing it because our relationship is so bad and the only way he will get through it is for me to wholeheartedly show him love and respect and not anger.

The trouble is i'm very angry and I dont feel like calming down and showing him love. I know its difficult for him but. What should I say/do?

KittyLaRoux Sun 10-Jul-16 07:42:20


The drugs will destroy his life and yours.
He is blaming you for him choosing to smoke heroin. How is it your fault?

He is an addict and will only cre about his addiction.
Are there children involved?

helpmedotherightthingagain Sun 10-Jul-16 07:46:14

Yes I have children.

He says its my fault because I don't show him love, that he is lonely and can't cope and needs this to be able to cope with my lack of affection. He said that if I left him it would end very badly for him.

Chillyegg Sun 10-Jul-16 07:48:51

Yep.....leave. This situation is only going to get worse for you and your children. Are you sure he's just smoking could he of injected?

AndYourBirdCanSing Sun 10-Jul-16 07:51:49

He needs it to cope because he is an addict- absolutely nothing to do with you or anything you have done. He needs professional help.

Does anyone else know about this? His parents?

bloodymaria Sun 10-Jul-16 07:52:10

Definitely leave. He's trying to put the blame on you when he's the only one responsible for his actions. The normal response to problems in a relationship is communication, not smack.

KittyLaRoux Sun 10-Jul-16 07:52:27

He is emotionally blackmailing you. Don't let him.

If he loved you he would smoke heroin. Simple. He wants to smoke it and is using you as the excuse hoping that you will feel too guilty to stop him.

For yours and your children's sake you need to end the relationship.

thenewaveragebear1983 Sun 10-Jul-16 07:54:20

Leave. Don't allow him to justify his drug use with your 'flaws'. He presumably was using before he met you, and would continue if you left. You didn't cause this. He cannot imagine life without heroin and he's terrified you'll go because he knows he will get worse without you keeping him in check. Addicts are terrified of rock bottom, and you are preventing him reaching it and he knows it. Protect your children. Good luck op, it is the most difficult situation, but you have to be as selfish as he is to protect yourself and your kids. Someone once said to me 'if you live with a drug addict, you live like a drug addict' whether you are one or not. You deserve better.

HandbagCrazy Sun 10-Jul-16 07:57:30

He is a grown man and is making a choice to do drugs. HIS decision.
He wants to do his drugs without anyone pointing out that it's harmful to him, you, the children. And the only way he gets to continue with his denial and to do what he likes is to tell himself he has no choice, because you don't give him enough love / attention / respect.
If your relationship was fine, he'd find money / work stress or something else to give him a reason. If everything was OK, it would be to help him relax. His excuse is not the issue here.

Basically he's going to do it anyway, and blame you whether you stay or go. So go. Let him blame you from somewhere else, where you don't have to deal with him or listen to his bullshit.
If not for you, go for the children. You really don't want them being brought up around this.

Highway61 Sun 10-Jul-16 08:06:49

Leave the emotionally blackmailing druggie manchild. His addiction is not your fault, he needs to own his problems.
You sound lovely, you and your kids deserve better. He will end up stealing from you to find his habit.

Afreshstartplease Sun 10-Jul-16 08:10:11

Oh dear op

You / your children do not need a heroin addict in your life

sooperdooper Sun 10-Jul-16 08:13:33

You can't have heroin around kids, have they seen him on it? What if they found it?

Just leave, it's not your responsibility that he's chosen this path but he doesn't have to drag you down with him

PrincessIrene Sun 10-Jul-16 08:14:45

I don't understand, what is your query? Surely there is no question here - you have children, he is a heroin addict. Pretty clear cut.

sooperdooper Sun 10-Jul-16 08:16:49

OP you say you have children, is he their father? You need to put them first

hellsbellsmelons Sun 10-Jul-16 08:18:37

As the 3 C's go
YOU didn't cause this
YOU can't control it
YOU can't cure it.
It's all down to him.
Get away.
Don't inflict a heroin addict onto your kids.

Steamgirl Sun 10-Jul-16 08:24:43

^ This

And don't inflict a heroin addict on yourself either.

reader77 Sun 10-Jul-16 08:27:08

It's not your fault and leaving (even temporarily) is the best/only way to show him and yourself love. If he's currently using, the drugs will always win.

I can't say enough: it is not your fault.

reader77 Sun 10-Jul-16 08:30:13

And what hells said.

annielouisa Sun 10-Jul-16 08:30:26

This man is an addict and he will destroy you and probably cause you to lose your DC, leave and leave now. Put yourself and the DC first. He must take ownership of his own recovery it is not for you to love him more. He needs to work with the local drug services.

RochelleGoyle Sun 10-Jul-16 09:28:51

OP, from the limited information available, he seems controlling and manipulative; possibly as a result of his addiction, possibly not. Please put yourself and your children first.

junebirthdaygirl Sun 10-Jul-16 10:10:53

And remember you are not responsible for what happens when you leave our turf him out. That is blackmail so just lm sure you can look after yourself. I know that threat is frightening but you cannot live under it. This is nothing to do with you. This is all him. He is an addict and needs help but not from you. Your job is to look after yourself and your little ones.

apple1992 Sun 10-Jul-16 10:18:37

It's not fair on your children to be subjected to that. He needs professional help, I think you need to make it clear that your children can't be around this but (if you wanting to help him?) you want him to stop. I'd book a docs appt and pressure him to go. Might end up with an ultimatum. It's not as easy as just stopping taking heroin, it ruins lives.

Highway61 Sun 10-Jul-16 18:52:03

You can't help him if he doesn't want helps to get free of an addiction he has to be desperate to get off it. The best thing for him would be rock bottom.

Atenco Sun 10-Jul-16 18:58:18

One of the classic problems with addicts is that they don't accept responsability for their own actions. I wouldn't have children around a heroin addict, OP and I say that as someone who has had several dear friends fall foul of that drug.

summerainbow Sun 10-Jul-16 20:00:34

Leave and go the Dr tell him that you and need help because you have living a heroin addict. You need to document this .

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