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Have you ever cheated?

(15 Posts)
user1465918248 Sun 10-Jul-16 04:36:12

Written and deleted my post a hundred times. I cheated on my husband 3 years ago, he never found out, we moved away (for his job) and continues our marriage. Since we moved I have felt undervalued, I feel like the downtrodden wife (I also work full time) but do the lions share of childcare and housework. I think he is complacent as in "she'll never leave me" but I could and feel will every new day that I might. We have discussed the share of work load many times but his job is "more important" than mine and he "works harder" than me... I don't think he realizes that I am still fairly attractive and genuinely there have been a coupe of offers from not unattractive men since we have moved (I work in a predominantly male industry).

LellyMcKelly Sun 10-Jul-16 05:18:24

You sound unhappy in your marriage and looking for a way out. If you no longer love your husband then you should end your marriage. If you do, then perhaps think about counselling to find a way forward. An affair will not solve your difficulties.

claraschu Sun 10-Jul-16 05:33:31

You do not need to be "attractive" or have offers from "not unattractive" men in order to get out of your marriage.

I have never cheated, and can't imagine cheating; it just doesn't appeal to me.

PastoralCare Sun 10-Jul-16 07:29:14

We'd love to know what the situation was before the affair.

Was he taking you for granted then?

yorkstonepatio Sun 10-Jul-16 07:59:36

No I haven't and I wouldn't.

A bad marriage is not an excuse to cheat. A bad marriage is a reason to leave.

You obviously do not like or love your husband. That is no way to live.

UptheAnty Sun 10-Jul-16 08:12:15

You seem to have a very high opinion of yourself op, which in itself is interesting because you appear to me as a not very nice person.

I feel sorry for your husband.

category12 Sun 10-Jul-16 08:17:58

Well, why don't you? You're not happy.

NelAntarctic Sun 10-Jul-16 08:26:34

Shagging another man won't solve your marriage problems.

Shagging another man won't make your DH do more chores.

Shagging another man would bring a huge shit- storm to your already unhappy marriage.

Think of the example you'd be setting your DC.

My Mum had an affair. I love her dearly but often think she broke her vows and it tarnishes the way I feel about her.

Speak to him. If you're at breaking point, you need to tell him that.

Hassled Sun 10-Jul-16 08:36:48

I can see that you want him to realise what he's got to lose - you're attractive, and you're valued by people outside of the marriage. The affair gave you the solid evidence for that being true. And that must make being taken for granted in your marriage incredibly hard to take.

So you need to spell it out - but telling him about the affair at this stage would do nothing but hurt him, and you need to find another way of making him see that he's taking you for granted. Or call it quits and move on.

daisychain01 Sun 10-Jul-16 08:37:39

Anyone can make a mistake in life. You made a decision, an error of judgement, that is clearly still on your mind.

Whatever was going on before your affair, hasn't magically disappeared. You're already in danger of becoming an embittered person esp if you carry on secretly berating your DH and thinking you're a good catch, rather than taking a woman-up pill, sorting out the imbalance and not wasting your life seething with resentment.

user1466282058 Sun 10-Jul-16 08:49:40

You can fall out of love with someone but you should always respect them. If you feel it's over then you need to be an adult about it and tell him. If you feel you could work on things then again be an adult and tell him.
I'm not about to slam you for cheating but how would you feel if he did it to you ? How would you feel if you found out he was having the same thoughts. I hope you figure out.

NerrSnerr Sun 10-Jul-16 08:53:20

If you want to leave him then do, you don't need to shag someone else to do that!!

NerrSnerr Sun 10-Jul-16 08:54:02

Sorry, to answer your question. No, I haven't ever cheated.

1DAD2KIDS Sun 10-Jul-16 09:13:33

I have been on the receiving end of a cheating (nox ex) wife. She cheated and left me to raise a 4 and 9 month old (at the time) alone. Now I get that relationships don't always work out. But the cheating and lies caused much additional hurt and pain. It was unbareable pain to find out the woman you loved love and trusted 100% is doing that. Obviously I was upset by the resulting break up but the truth of the cheating has caused so many additional issues of trust and faith in long term relationships. I doubt I will ever be able to give the same commitment and trust to someone again. That's sad because there maybe someone out there who deserves this of me. The way she lied and minipulated me does make it hard to go forward. The cheating and lies also hurt all the people around us. She lost so many of her friends and her family nearly disowned her.

So yes it sounds like your relationship is not working for you. I am very open minded and know nothing is ever black and white. But if you can't fix it then end it first. Cheating causes so much damage to everone around you.

1DAD2KIDS Sun 10-Jul-16 09:14:21

That's a 4 year old and 9 months old to clarify above.

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