Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

what do you and dp do on a night?

(232 Posts)
lifesucks75 Sun 10-Jul-16 04:09:16

I need to ask for fear of going insane! Can you leave the room and not be followed, can you read a book without being bollocked, can you chat to friends online?

VioletBam Sun 10-Jul-16 04:11:09

Oh God we each do our own thing. If we're not going out..then he watches something on TV and I either read or go online....I might watch something online...rarely we watch a film together but our tastes are different.

We don't go out often...maybe once a month to a mate's house for dinner and a bit of a drink...or to the theatre.

Otherwise we have our own things to do. Does your other half follow you about??

lifesucks75 Sun 10-Jul-16 04:14:52

Badly, to the point I feel so suffocated, the only way I can post here yet again is because he left in a strop because I said I wasn't happy not being in contact with any friends. He follows me to the LOO...that's how bad it is...surely this is not normal?

BikeRunSki Sun 10-Jul-16 04:17:09

Catch up in work
Take turns in doing sync sport (go for a run, swim, bike ride) whilst the other stays in with the DC (4 and 7).
Watch TV/film
I read/surf while DH watches TV

milpool Sun 10-Jul-16 04:18:17

He follows you to the loo?! No, that is not normal.

BikeRunSki Sun 10-Jul-16 04:18:31

No, that's not normal Violet

lifesucks75 Sun 10-Jul-16 04:22:05

yes, he gets me out of the loo if he thinks ive been in too long.

oldjacksscrote Sun 10-Jul-16 04:22:20

That's not normal and it sounds quite scary. I think you need to get out before it gets any worse.
Do you have children?

flowers

VioletBam Sun 10-Jul-16 04:49:43

Bike What's not normal? I'm not the OP>

OP..how long have you been with him? Have you got kids?

PollyCazaletWannabe Sun 10-Jul-16 04:53:35

What? No. That's not remotely normal. Can you tell us a bit more about the relationship OP?

GinIsIn Sun 10-Jul-16 04:54:42

He gets you out of the loo if he thinks you've been in too long?! That's NUTS! DH has a slight habit of following me round a bit, but I think that's just because the dog does it, he certainly doesn't follow me into the loo and tell me how long I'm allowed!!!!

HoundoftheBaskervilles Sun 10-Jul-16 05:03:08

I sounds as though he isn't a 'very nice man'. of course you can do exactly as you please. Does he not let you? Does he sulk?

Icecappedpinetrees Sun 10-Jul-16 05:18:40

We watch an episode of a box set and crash in bed (we have 2 little uns) if we're doing separate things that's ok but we tell each other. I sometimes go into the office or he irons or whatever. Virtually together always but it's not suffocating if it's optional and reciprocal. Your OH sounds very clingy. What is he like the rest of the time? You both work full time?

Crispbutty Sun 10-Jul-16 05:45:04

You are not going insane. You are with a jealous paranoid control freak who is abusing you. Please leave him. This is absolutely not normal.

PastoralCare Sun 10-Jul-16 07:23:00

He is obsessive!

You need to speak to him and tell him how uncomfortable you are.

BrieAndChilli Sun 10-Jul-16 07:32:24

We generally watch tv together after the kids have gone to bed, we both go to a gym class once a week, sometimes one of us will go in the study on the computer or I will be doing something in the kitchen - decorating a party cake etc,

GruffaloPants Sun 10-Jul-16 07:40:05

That's not normal. At all.

Of an evening - we sit and chat or watch television. One or both may read or go online. Sometimes in the same room, sometimes not. He might go out for a cycle.

None of this requires permission, checking, following or arguing.

TheWildOnes Sun 10-Jul-16 07:42:52

Me and DH do most things together in the evening, watch TV or whatever but may also be on phones, tablets or chatting. This is by choice though, he works long hours and I enjoy the adult company after being with DC all day.
He doesn't follow me around or anything, your DP sounds controlling, and that's not a normal way to act.

lifesucks75 Mon 11-Jul-16 17:14:25

We had yet another HUGE row the other day because I said I felt lonely. I don't have ANY friends that I see in rl. My one friend cut me out of her life completely and my fb friends, they are mostly people I've known for a long time but I can never get to arrange to meet up because he wont let me chat to anyone on there. I've had to block every male friend since fb made me download messenger as if they happen to send me a message it shows up on my phone, he's always in my phone..if I get a text he wants to see it, and they're mostly from my network provider but they send them at all hours of the morning! Im not allowed any ME time at all, neither of us work at the moment due to ill health so we are together 24/7...I don't enjoy it, I feel exhausted by his attention and unable to give it back. He wants to be cuddled up on the sofa all day and night and I just cant, i'm in a lot of pain physically at the moment and I cant get comfortable at the best of times...nothing life threatening but painful enough that I cant do as much as i'd normally do. The only thing he approves of is me cleaning. This is my life: I get up, get dd off to school. He comes down whinging demanding breakfast. He eats, puts his boring bloody nature programmes on and goes to sleep. I take the opportunity to go on fb or an hour but cant chat because (yes really) he wakes up at the slightest thing. Dd comes back, I do tea for us all. He puts his tv on again, i'm bored but I cant do my own thing. He actually took the newspaper away from me the other day, physically took it out of my hands because he wanted me to watch tv with him. I have to go to bed when he tells me even if i'm not tired. Sometimes if he's been particularly vile to me that day i'll be tossing and turning thinking, so he starts on me. If I go downstairs thinking i'll have a glass of wine and a chat with my lads (my teen and his friend are always up late), he'll come storming down and start. All I ever bloody hear is "you don't love me". I just cant do enough to please this guy. Am I being unreasonable? I don't really have anything to compare this to, I only ever lived with one other man (ds's dad) and that was bloody awful. I had to start all over again in another house with just ds. But I was young then, I had work and family and friends...I don't have that now.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 11-Jul-16 17:20:12

Oh my god op that would drive me mad. No, it's not normal. It's controlling and abusive sad

PeppasNanna Mon 11-Jul-16 17:28:36

Op you know its not.

Who do you have around you, any family or activities linked with your dc?

operaha Mon 11-Jul-16 17:35:04

Well I think it's clear you know it's not. You know you have to leave? Sounds awful.

Just to back up the not normal:
We go to the gym together/separate
Cook dinner
Walk the dog
Play cards
Watch TV
Go for a pint
Lots of things

motherinferior Mon 11-Jul-16 17:36:59

And we do a lot of different stuff. Apart. Tonight I'm off to sing. On Wednesday he's out doing t'ai chi. Sometimes we spend the evening together but quite often we're in different bits of the house.

DotForShort Mon 11-Jul-16 17:39:50

Just reading that made me feel suffocated. It is absolutely not normal. I really could not live like that.

Muzzcub Mon 11-Jul-16 17:40:22

Op that's not normal, or healthy, or right. You don't deserve this sort of abuse. flowers

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now