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anyone else have a DH with a high sex drive ? is this normal?

(20 Posts)
NCreggo Sat 09-Jul-16 19:46:04

NC as I have a limit to how "open" I want to be with my other name!

Basically DH has a massive sex drive. I originally put it down to the culture he's from that generally they don't have sex before marriage, though he did with a girl maybe 2 times about 5 years before our marriage. So, when we married I was like "ok it's abit new to him" and tried to let him get it out of his system. It was never a problem as such, he won't force or anything just if I kiss him he will get an erection and gets uncomfortable - hence he says he doesn't like to kiss much without anything more because it leaves him uncomfy (he says this in a nice way , not any sort of blackmail!)

Anyway in the early days if we both had a day off, 5 times wasn't unusual. He says he's always been like this and used to have to masterbate a lot. 2.5 years later and he's still much the same - he will do as much as I want or "allow". He can do three times in a row without a break sometimes (it's mutual, pleas don't read this as me being used) but I'm actually now starting to worry maybe something bad is causing this. He has an erection in the night frequently (whilst asleep) and that feeling just doesn't seem to go - I think if I wanted 10 times and instigated it, he would.

Is this just a high sex drive or can it be an indication of a problem? He's doesn't look at porn or act in any sort of Pervy way at all, he's very normal, not like some sort of sex fiend blush

Hotwaterbottle1 Sat 09-Jul-16 19:50:14

I don't understand why you think there is a problem? I'd just enjoy it lol grin

NCreggo Sat 09-Jul-16 19:52:44

Just his feelings are kinda insatiable ... I know it sound mad but a year ago I was paranoid he might have a tumour pressing on something down there causing this blush

After I orgasm, if I do, then I am done and I'm a woman. I don't have any feelings left like that at the very least for a good few hours .

HairySubject Sat 09-Jul-16 19:56:41

Sounds fine to me. I have a very high sex drive too and would happily have sex several times a day. Finding a partner to keep up with me is a challenge.

cbigs Sat 09-Jul-16 19:59:37

I don't think there is anything wrong with him op but I would find that hard work to be honest. He sounds considerate with it at least? What would you say your sex drive is like?

Hotwaterbottle1 Sat 09-Jul-16 20:02:18

I'd happily spend hours in bed!

NCreggo Sat 09-Jul-16 20:04:17

Haha seems like it's just me then!

I would have said mine is high (when compared with my few times a month ex) but not like this!

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sat 09-Jul-16 20:04:48

No, it isn't normal. It might be normal for him but it's not what many other people experience in a long-term relationship. After a couple of years you could have expected the novelty to have worn off by now.

But that doesn't mean there's something physically wrong with him. I suspect there's a purely psychological aspect to it.

Diamogs Sat 09-Jul-16 20:06:50

You don't say how old he is but I'm guessing he is fairly young?

LurcioAgain Sat 09-Jul-16 20:07:54

If you're happy with it that's fine. If you think you can both adjust if you go through a dry spell (e.g. a lot of women lose their libido while breast feeding), then it's fine.

(FWIW I too have an "ooh, nice orgasm, now I'm ready for a nap" reaction to sex! One ex used to affectionately call me the "one come wonder" - he had no complaints mind you, because the once tended to be pretty damn good).

NCreggo Sat 09-Jul-16 20:10:01

He's 29.

I asked him if he will be like this when he's like 60 and he says he thinks he probably will!

Having said all this, when we are flat out with working it has been like a week between "events" but that's kinda rare.

NCreggo Sat 09-Jul-16 20:13:30

He is happy (ish) to not do anything - I told him the very soonest after having a baby will be 6 weeks but more than likely it will be longer and he was ok, he didn't realise at first we could still carry on during pregnancy and again he was ok with that (but he was happy when I said it was fine!) so like I said he's not a pest, just very very easily aroused... And often.

RealityCheque Sat 09-Jul-16 22:34:22

"After a couple of years you could have expected the novelty to have worn off by now."

Wow, bitter, you sound like great fun to be around... That's certainly not my experience of a good relationship.

PastoralCare Sun 10-Jul-16 07:37:31

It's pretty normal, specially at his age. (And even if it weren't, if it's the rate at which his body produces sperm, then that's that, it's not something you can fake).

You, as a couple, are heading towards a potential disaster. Your desire will likely go away for a while after baby is born. You will have competing demands from him and baby. Your attention will be on baby of course.

He needs to find a job that keeps him very busy, for very long hours.

Amaia10 Sun 10-Jul-16 08:20:14

All sounds absolutely normal to me - I think nearly all men are like this, aren't they? It's only a problem if you feel coerced or the DH's sex drive is interfering with their ability to get on with work or anything else. But, as you say, this is not the case.

As others have said, pregnancies and kids - as well as general life stress - will all take a toll soon enough!

PsychedelicSheep Sun 10-Jul-16 10:29:24

I don't think 'most men' are like this but some are and it's totally fine and normal.

My bf is 26 and has the sex drive of a 16 year old! We have sex every day at least once and 5 or 6 times if we have a free day, together, which is hardly ever these days! I love it as I have a high sex drive too and he is very attentive in bed, not just a wham bam, that would be unacceptable!

As long as he doesn't sulk or act like a twat if you don't fancy it for whatever reason then no problem, just enjoy it!

PsychedelicSheep Sun 10-Jul-16 10:33:12

Btw, you mention the culture he's from, is he Asian? Mine is, and I've been with quite a few Asian guys previously and they were all horny as fuck! Massive generalisation of course but just something I've observed 🤔

Mondrian Sun 10-Jul-16 10:44:34

We started like that - once or twice on a daily basis, more (3-5) if we hadn't seen each other for a bit or something exciting happened - this was in 20's & early 30's. 40's dropped it down to once a day and missing a beat every week or so. 50 and its down to an average of 2-3/week.

TheStoic Sun 10-Jul-16 10:54:52

This is my 'normal' with every long term partner I've had, for what that's worth.

Try not to overthink it. If it's not upsetting you or causing strain in your relationship, just accept it as his sexuality as he seems to accept yours. :-)

Mov1ngOn Sun 10-Jul-16 10:57:42

Can we please swap. I have a high drive and my partner a low one.

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