Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Just don't know what to do for the best?

(12 Posts)
mummyof2lilboys Fri 08-Jul-16 19:31:20


I'm really struggling to decide what to do for the best so any (helpful) advice would be appreciated please smile

So my ex left me around 5 months ago we have 2 young boys together!.. He rents a room at our mutual friends house and can't have them there overnight so sees them here a lot! Anyway recently he's started to see them a lot more and then will stay for a while after there in bed, bring over takeaways etc we get on really well laugh and joke together!.. He's away atm visiting family but facetimed with the boys the other day and ended up talking more to me!.. But now I'm confused with my feelings again I was starting to do so much better!.. We have slept together since breaking up not recently though!..

So my question is do I make him leave when he's put the kids to bed and when he's round try to get out the house and not see him? (Hard as I live in a village and don't drive!) or do we just continue as we are and see if there's anything there?! (Abit worried about that as he could turn around and say he's met someone!) uggh just so hard and I'm sooo confused!.. I thought I was over him!

mummyof2lilboys Fri 08-Jul-16 20:15:32

P.s we was together 11 years!

CrazyDuchess Fri 08-Jul-16 20:16:41

What was his reason for leaving?

CrazyDuchess Fri 08-Jul-16 20:16:58

What was his reason for leaving?

RosieandJim89 Fri 08-Jul-16 20:23:10

I think you need to talk about what you both want. If he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you or you don't with him then it is strictly business and he goes when they go to bed. If not, maybe you could think about trying again. It depends what you want from the relationship.

justpeachy74 Fri 08-Jul-16 20:33:51

It does depend a bit on why you broke up in the first place.

mummyof2lilboys Fri 08-Jul-16 21:49:03

We had a lot of bad news in the family the last 2 years, 2 deaths, moved twice and had our 2nd child so had a lot going on! His excuse changed a few times and the last one was he doesn't love me anymore!.. (I think it's the case of the grass is greener!) as we got together so young!..

QuiteLikely5 Fri 08-Jul-16 21:52:24

You need to have more self respect op. This man is treating you like an option and you are letting him.

You aren't his play thing are you?

Stand your ground and wave him goodbye as soon as your children are put to bed

Isetan Sat 09-Jul-16 08:48:19

The best of both worlds for him, he gets to see his kids regularly without the responsibility and he gets to have a relationship with you without the commitment. However, it's the worst of both worlds for you and your children because none of you know where you stand, their father left but you're still acting like your in a relationship. Children can handle change, it's the uncertainty that will mess them up because it robs them of the opportunity to process the change because the change isn't clear.

I know you must be hurting and the familiarity is comforting but it isn't real because you want commitment and he wants convenience. For your sanity, start detaching from him and start formalising contact. Him leaving had consequences and he needs to start facing them, it isn't your job to create the soft landing for his choices.

OSETmum Sat 09-Jul-16 08:54:47

Well at the moment he's having his cake and eating it!

If distance myself from him. It might make him realise his feelings for you or, if not, you'll be able to see he's not interested and protect your feelings.

LesisMiserable Mon 11-Jul-16 10:17:31

If you're enjoying his company and the sex I'd live in the moment to be honest.If you need clarity about the state of play or want more then you need to knock it on the head for good.

adora1 Mon 11-Jul-16 16:46:42

He left you and his two boys OP and is now sniffing around, perhaps he didn't find much green where he went.

Stop being so accommodating, if he has told you he doesn't love you then believe him, he's using you for company and yes could be out looking for women the rest of the time, if you invest all your time and energy in him only to be `dumped` again, how will you feel then.

Stop the entertaining and making life easy for him, he choose to leave, let him get on with it.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now