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The Flaw in My Attachment Formation: Is it Just Me?

(1 Post)
Arsenal123 Fri 08-Jul-16 11:55:15

I feel I have a fatal flaw when it comes to forming relationships. I seem to develop feeling for people based predominantly on physical attraction. I think there is more going on but I've been involved with people who have not treated me properly and before starting relationships I've told myself I would run for the hills if they did that to me.

... I stayed even though I knew it was wrong and wasted years of my life, often losing site of who I am, my confidence, and self-esteem.

What is more, my own self-esteem is linked closely to how I am perceived by others, especially my looks. As I am balding, I have recently taken a knock in confidence.

How can I be true to myself and find a meaningful life partner? Is it possible to let go of insecurities relating to appearance/vanity? (My sister had alopecia when we were growing up and it destroyed her in school - and I found it particularly traumatic to see her cry every morning and beg my mum not to make her go to school).

I feel like I am not the person I am supposed to be and bad relationships are making it worse. Even though I know it's flawed, my brain seems to think a bad relationship with someone physically attractive is better than being single. I can't seem to form non-serious attachments, or stick to my values when it comes to what I should accept in a partner.

This may sound like textbook low self-esteem? If so: is low self-esteem really conquerable if you felt it most of your life?

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