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Attachment issues - can't let go . Will I ever meet 'the one'?

(5 Posts)
RosieWithTheGoodHair Thu 07-Jul-16 20:32:13

I'm 25. Only had two actual relationships, around two years apart and both lasting for probably a year and a half of good times followed by six months to a year of knowing it's not great but trying anyway/still sleeping together having split up etc.

I feel like my issue is that I can't let go, rather than the relationships themselves, which just fizzled out with minor discrepancies on both sides. I never feel 'ready' to start a new relationship until I feel almost completely over the last one

Most recent relationship has recently come to an end. We stopped speaking at Christmas, continued this until a couple of months ago and then slept together again twice. I didn't even like him any more as a person, really, but sleeping with him was easier than meeting someone new for self esteem reasons and when he ended it for entirely the right reasons a couple of weeks ago I felt (and still do feel) awful

sorry for the rambly nature of this but I just don't feel like I will meet 'that person' because I'm obviously not a very good judge of what that feeling feels like. Also, advice on getting over 'most recent' please?

RosieWithTheGoodHair Thu 07-Jul-16 20:33:35

Also, my 'first' relationship was exactly the same... Except I was 15 and it lasted less than a year. I broke up with him twice before getting awful 'miss him' feelings and then in the end he dumped me for a girl he met at college while I'd been messing him around. This, again, took me two years to get over
Why didn't I learn from this?

MrsBluesky1 Thu 07-Jul-16 23:03:20

Bump, interested in replies as same problem with letting go

Resilience16 Fri 08-Jul-16 06:28:37

Hi Rosie. I would say you hit the nail right on the head when you mention self esteem issues. If you feel you would rather hang on to "something" even if that something isn't working out, than have "nothing", then you really do need to work on yourself. For "can't let go" I am reading " doesn't want to be on her own", am I right?
You need to be happy in your own skin, before you can be happy with someone else. It is good that you have identified there is an issue at a relatively young age (I'm not being patronising, I mean that some people hit their 49s, 50s or never before they see there are patterns!)
So... How to resolve this? You need to big up your self esteem, lady. Loads of stuff online 're this, from simple affirmations to repeat on a daily basis ("I love the world and the world loves me!") to life coaching and everything in between. Have a look on meetup.com for groups in your area, I went to a fab self esteem one last night,it really does give you a boost to be in a room full of positive people and positive energy.
Consider doing the Freedom programme, you can do it online if you don't fancy a group, which will help you identify good and bad relationship choices.
(If you feel your relationship patterns are due to more deep rooted issues then consider counselling . Some big employers provide confidential employee support services including counselling sessions, or approach your gp.)
Be open to be experiences and new relationships but if they aren't working out then don't be afraid to admit that and walk away.Take control of your destiny . It feels much better and much more self empowering. Be kind to yourself. A relationship that doesn't work out isn't a failure, it is a learning experience, and takes you one step nearer what you actually want rather than what you don't.Believe in your self, and believe there are good things out there waiting for you.
Hope some of this helps Rosie. Good luck!

RosieWithTheGoodHair Wed 13-Jul-16 21:12:24

Thank you, Resilience. I do have issues with relationships stemming back to childhood and know I should see a counsellor really but it feels like a bit of a silly thing to need professional help for, if that makes sense?

Also, bumping for Blue

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