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Practical advice for during and immediately following a break-up/separation

(21 Posts)
SortAllTheThings Thu 07-Jul-16 13:55:20

Right. I'm going through this at the moment and I've gleaned a hell of a lot of useful information going through posts on the Relationships board. I've name changed so this isn't attached to any of my current threads, as it's all still a bit new.

Basically I've just split with my partner of 10 years. He will be moving out, but I've just felt totally overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I have to sort out.

I've learnt that I am eligible for working tax credits and child tax credits, and that I'm entitled to a lot more than I thought I would be

I've worked out what I should expect to get in the form of child maintenance

I've found some really useful information on the CAB website regarding housing, legal positions, when to seek help from a solicitor (which I need to do).

I want to feel like I've got everything in place. It's taken me months to get here. It took ages for me to work out my figures. I feel like I've done a lot, but want to make sure i've got everything in place.

I don't know what to do with regards to the mortgage. We're joint tenants, but I'm staying in the house with the kids (at least for the time being). Do I need to inform the mortgage company?

What do I do about bills? presumably I need to ring round all the companies and change it to my name only. Must get on with this.

Same with bank accounts. Do I need to take his name off the joint accounts. Do I just go to the bank to do this? Can I do it by myself?

I guess i'm asking if there is anything else that I might have missed. Any obvious vital thing that I should have done, but haven't yet. Number one on my own list is to speak with a solicitor, but somehow I can't get round to doing that yet. Like I said.. this is all a bit new.

Also hoping that this might turn into a useful thread with lots of useful information in one place, for anybody going through similar flowers

ChicagoBulls Thu 07-Jul-16 14:00:06

Wow you sound really organised & level headed that's good.
First thing I did was inform council tax & set up my own account with them.
I started to claim ctc & got the kids fsm
We still have a joint account.
I haven't informed the mortgage company - I'm hoping to buy him out sometime soon.

I think it ms called getting your ducks in a row!


SortAllTheThings Thu 07-Jul-16 14:03:08

Thank you. It's taken me months... well, years probably to get to this stage. The end is in sight, and it feels great.

I just don't want to get tripped up by something I could have planned for.

(I do this. Big terrifying event = me going into overdrive trying to plan everything)

Northumberlandlass Thu 07-Jul-16 14:07:07

Before you do anything, get some legal advice.
They will be able to tell you what you are entitled to re house/pensions etc. You can get 30 mins free. I wouldn't do anything about money / house without their advice.

You said you are joint tenants but mention a mortgage. Do you own the property jointly?
How old / how many kids do you have?
You can't change bank accounts without a lot of form filling, which he has to do counter sign.
Do you have savings?
Do you have pensions?

Have you agreed how much maintenance he will pay / when he will see the kids?

I was lucky in the sense our separation was amicable (after a while) and we used solicitors to draw up separation agreement & to give us advice, but we agreed between ourselves all the logistics!

Northumberlandlass Thu 07-Jul-16 14:08:42

I planned like crazy. I had a note book which I wrote everything in.
Yes, Council Tax - advised them I was living on my own to get my single person allowance.
I don't get any benefits / allowances apart from child benefit

WannaBe Thu 07-Jul-16 14:10:47

Re the mortgage, you will need to re-apply for the mortgage in your own right rather than being able to remove his name, is there equity in the property and what plans do you have for division of said equity if you're going to be taking over the mortgage?

Joint account - you will likely have to set up a sole account in your own name and move all direct debits to that.

Bills - now is a good time to look at things like energy switching to see if you can save money there.

Council tax - ring the council tax people and ask for a single person's allowance form, as you will now be entitled to single person's council tax.

SortAllTheThings Thu 07-Jul-16 14:11:29

Not married, so that makes things simpler.

Joint tenants on the mortgage. We're going to look into sorting this financially in the next few weeks. Also need to look at wills and life insurance. Not going to do anything about the house in the immediate future except perhaps sort out the joint account (or move all direct debits to another account). That's purely a control issue on my part. I need to know that I'm the only person that can legally access any money that's in there for bills.

2 primary school aged kids.

No savings to speak of.

We've agreed a figure for maintenance, I've no reason to think that he won't pay this. He's already set up the standing order.

It's my thinking that we just need to let the dust settle for a few weeks, maybe until he's in his new place, and then get it all sorted with a solicitor. Does that sound sensible?

SortAllTheThings Thu 07-Jul-16 14:12:57

Oh, and there's absolutely no way that I can buy him out. At the moment he's happy for me to stay in the house as the kids are young, and he wants them to have stability (why couldn't he have been this reasonable when we were together, hmm?)

Northumberlandlass Thu 07-Jul-16 14:15:44

Please get legal advice now. Honestly, best thing I ever did. You aren't married!
So he is going to move out of the house, but continuing paying his share of the mortgage and give you maintenance?

SortAllTheThings Thu 07-Jul-16 14:19:17

No, not continuing to pay his share of the mortgage at all. The only thing he'll be giving me is the agreed maintenance figure. I am taking on all the bills as of next month, so need to get everything in my name (it's all in joint names at the moment).

I can see how that might look as though he's contributing to the mortgage though. I definitely intend to seek advice in the next few weeks. I've been recommended a good family solicitor by a friend, so will contact her. He's only just moved out, so still getting used to the idea tbh.

MrsBertBibby Thu 07-Jul-16 14:20:58

If you own the house as joint tenants, then if one of you dies, the other gets the house outright, regardless of any will you made.

If you wouldn't want that, and would rather pass your share straight to your children, you need to sever the joint tenancy and make a will.

Northumberlandlass Thu 07-Jul-16 15:40:34

It is a lot to deal with, I had lists and lists.
In time you will need to deal with the mortgage, sooner rather than later if he plans to buy somewhere.
Then you need to address the equity in the house, will you buy him out? You would then have to apply for a new mortgage.

I did this last year.

ChristinaParsons Thu 07-Jul-16 19:53:39

You need to tell the mortgage company you have separated. And put a restriction on the title of the house

SortAllTheThings Thu 07-Jul-16 21:00:13

Oh really?

What does it mean to put a restriction on the title of the house?

MonicaLewinskisFlange Thu 07-Jul-16 22:09:52

Thanks for this thread OP, I will be watching and learning.

Cr3ampufff Thu 07-Jul-16 22:45:37

I would investigate the mortgage payment
If he is not living in the house why would he continue to pay the mortgage ? (because he would need to pay to live somewhere)

I guess options
Sell house and both of you have money to buy or rent 2 new houses
One of you buys the other out of the house
You stay in the house until children 18, the house is sold and money split

I would suggest that you need advice from mortgage company and a solicitor

SortAllTheThings Thu 07-Jul-16 22:47:38

He's not paying the mortgage. Unofficial agreement that we can stay here. It's literally been days, and I'll get something legal asap

Cr3ampufff Thu 07-Jul-16 23:18:42

If he is not going to pay the mortgage, you need to get it moved into your name only and pay it. There may be a remortgage fee and fee to change the deeds into your name etc
If you do not have enough money to pay, you may need to sell

What about the money he has already paid into the mortgage does he walk away with nothing ?
Nothing after 10 years

Is there any equity in the house ?

There are " implications", that is why you need professional advice asap

SortAllTheThings Fri 08-Jul-16 01:05:40

Well, that's not true. I can change it so he has a financial interest, but is not liable for payments. I don't have to sell, unless he expects us to, and he wants the kids to have a stable home. For the time being, we're staying here.

I don't expect him to walk away with nothing, but I absolutely do expect him to recognise that his children deserve a stable home to live in.

stealtheatingtunnocks Fri 08-Jul-16 01:12:38

SortAllTheThings Fri 08-Jul-16 01:42:22

Brilliant, thank you

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