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Ex dating an enemy

(6 Posts)
oliveoilandaubergine Thu 07-Jul-16 10:38:43

first of all the reason for me posting is not because i am jealous or want to get back with my ex, that is not the case, i am wanting somebody to help me put my feelings into perspective if they can.

so my ex and father of my kids has been frequenting our old local pub where a lot of my acquaintances go, he has been sleeping with barmaids and has recently started dating someone i dont like, she is a coke head and has caused problems for me in the past, she is also well know for sleeping with peoples ex's to the point that when i was told by a friend my ex was seeing someone i know i guessed immediately who it was.
he is more than entitled to date whoever he likes and i know the fact they are dating does not bother me, they deserve each other.
what is bothering me is her being indirectly in my life now and i hate it. i wish he could have kept his "business" away from us. its embarrassing. my ex doesnt see the kids much (as he doesnt ask to see them) i also feel he has been feeding people a load of lies or how else could someone want to date a guy who abandons his kids. he chose this local pub to drown his sorrows when we split (i ended it) so i feel like everyone already knows my business. help me forget about this please and tell me how to not let this bother me!

i am in a happy relationship and have moved on from my ex but i seem to know too much about his life from "well meaning" friends.

Thanks

Fontella Thu 07-Jul-16 12:18:37

One of the things I did when I split with my ex was tell all my friends, acquaintances and work contacts (we had a business together) I didn't want to talk about him, hear about him, had no interest in what he was doing etc.

If anyone tried to talk about him/started telling me something in whatever context, I cut them dead. I even chucked a relative out who started eagerly telling me about his new girlfriend and despite me telling her several times, I wasn't interested/didn't want to discuss it, she continued, so I showed her the door.

It might sound harsh, but it worked. For me, no contact was just that, no contact and that included hearing what he was up to through third parties.

You need to be very firm with your friends and acquaintances in telling them, what he gets up to is of no interest to you. Just focus on your new life, kids, partner instead of allowing your ex's shenigans to wind you up.

You can't do anything about what your ex gets up to, nor what he tells people about you/your relationship, but you can do something about your reaction to it. Stop allowing other people to feed you information about him, and soon enough you will stop giving a tuppeny shit what he does or who he shags.

oliveoilandaubergine Thu 07-Jul-16 12:22:48

Thank you fontella that was just what i needed to hear. i just wanted to get it out of my system as i couldnt discuss it in real life.

OnTheRise Thu 07-Jul-16 12:35:00

Fontella is spot on.

Don't talk about him, don't let anyone else talk to you about him, and don't worry what he's saying or doing, or who he's saying or doing it with. None of that exists for you now.

It's incredibly freeing once you get the hang of it.

oliveoilandaubergine Thu 07-Jul-16 12:46:57

Thanks ontherise, yep i just need to get the hang of it i think, it will be easier once i no longer own a house with him and people no longer see the connection, as i dont have to contact him then. should all be finalised by the end of the month!

FuzzyEyes Thu 07-Jul-16 14:16:52

Great advice! Fontella

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